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| With family at my "graduation" :-) |
So after my Spring quarter experience, I was really not in the mood for graduation weekend. I haven't officially graduated yet since I needed a few more classes for my major but my family wanted to see me walk (you can only walk in the Spring) so I just decided to go through with the ceremony. Some of my family came over the day before and spent the night in my apartment. It was a sad reminder of my reality. Little did they know I was The Stinkbug in town :( So I decided just to focus on my family being there and I made it through the night.
The next morning was "the big day"! My roommate was really excited but I didn't have a hint of excitement lol. I was happy for my roommate at the same time I was sad at how fast the quarter had ended and we didn't get to hang out as much as I wanted and now she was leaving. So yeah I was harboring a sea of emotions from the dramatic quarter (and year) I had but I needed to hold myself together to make it through the day. So I dressed up and got to the stadium where all the seniors were meeting up. I got there at the same time as Chelsea and Haley. (Thank God! Everyone had their groups of friends and I would have been a loner if I didn't run into them. So yeah I was grateful for the company. I wasn't much of company to them though since I was in my own world the whole time lol).
"Graduation Day"
Why I'm Glad I'm not a yet Grad
So I was sitting there waiting for the whole thing to be done with... but then while sitting there I spaced out again but this time taking in what was going on around me (kinda like in a movie scene where it's all slow motion with no sound lol). Everyone was happy and excited to be graduating. "I did it!" was in the air and smiles from ear to ear on their faces. Different people gave their speeches... the chanchellor, other professors and the class valedictorian... They proudly listed all their accomplishments and those of the school and their ambitious plans for the future. But then ♫ There's just one chief end to man's purpose and one main reason for existence. All man's vain and high ambitions will one day be brought low. For You alone will be exalted in that day. Worthless goals will be exposed as idols we have made. You'll be seen as rightful King and from our hearts we'll sing: All is for Your glory! All this for Your Name! That in all things You may have pre-eminence. That in all things You may have the first place ♫
So yeah, I was just thinking... it's all about priority. All those achievements we are proud of are meaningless, all our hard work and goals for their future are useless... everything is a pointless waste of time if we don't put first things first. Then I had an epiphany that filled me with gratitude and hope. I thought, "If I was actually graduating right now history would have repeated itself and I would have failed once again." You see "Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."-Francis Chan. Like I shared in the post The Desert I got my priorites mixed up so everything started falling apart and when I started failing in school that's what got me to stop and re-assess my situation. So through my failing in school, God was trying to get my attention so that I can put my relationship with Him (loving Him and others) first coz that's when everything else flows. So yeah, I thank God because even though I failed, He gave me a second chance. I should have been kicked out of school but he made a way many times for me to stay in school and I thank God because He covered my tuition (He provided for me a scholarship that covered up to 5 years of undergrad). So yeah I was really grateful to God for His grace and for teaching me through my failures what the most important thing is in life: love (loving God and people). So I'm not saying school is not important. I'm not saying you should go fail all your classes lol. I'm not hating on those who've graduated (congrats!). I know what I stated at the beginning of this paragraph is harsh but it's true. And the opposite is true as well when we put God first in our lives everything else finds meaning- yes even school. So I'm just saying that it's time that we all put first things first because ♫ When it’s all been said, when it’s all been done. When the race is run, well it all comes down to love. Did you learn to love? That’s what You will ask of me. ♫
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If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
(1 Corinthians 13)
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So yeah I was really heart broken at the end of the year because I had failed at what was most important (I chose fear and discouragement over love. "Love makes moves" section in the post: Who Cares?). But I listened to these songs and they really encouraged me. Take a listen :) "My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music." (Psalm 108: 1) ♫ Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even when it all just falls apart. I will run to You Cause I know that You are: Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars. You steady my heart. You steady my heart. I'm not gonna worry. I know that You got me Right inside the palm of your hand ♫ :-)
I could also resonate with this song. Listen to the lyrics. At the beginning of this year, I started a "journey to the past" in search of "home, love, and family....back to who I was, on to find my future..." (post: Let go. Let Love Flow) So through this song God was telling me not to give up, not to lose hope. Revival's coming. He is going to bring restoration :) I'm gonna flow again (be myself). He shall revive / renew my relationships and I shall finally feel at home :) ♫ This is home. Now I'm finally where I belong. Where I Belong. Yeah, this is home. I've been searching for a place of my own. Now I've found it. Maybe this is home. This is home. Belief over misery. I've seen the enemy And I won't go back. Back to how it was And I got my heart set on what happens next. I got my eyes wide it's not over yet. We are miracles and we're not alone. ♫ #HOPE :)
You can check out my Spring album on facebook for my picture summary of the quarter. Peace! :)
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