The Desert

Introduction
Hey family and friends :) This is a continuation of The Present so you can read that post if you want background info. After my experience "rediscovering the present" my eyes were opened to the bigger picture and everything started making sense. (If you have no time for stories go ahead and jump to the main part: AERIAL VIEW!)

It's about time for aerial view! Join me as I put the pieces together... I had a flashback to my past few years at college. I was doing what became my life routine: school and leadership with InterVarsity (leading Bible study,the African diaspora group and family prayer meeting) but something was way off. Sophomore year I started doing terrible in school, failing classes all over the place which was unlike me. I was a bio major and I kept re-taking classes as I strived to stay in the major. Many times I would ask Paul (one of the InterVarsity staff. He had discipled me my freshman year) to pray for me and he would always support me through prayer and encouragement (thanks!). This one time I had shared with him how it seemed like I was failing at everything and something was definitely wrong with me but after he prayed for me he told me he kept hearing God saying "It's not your fault. It's not your fault."When he told me that I was like "What do you mean it's not my fault? It's obviously my fault if I'm not studying hard enough or not trusting in God enough with school." But he kept hearing God say the same thing, "It's not your fault." I didn't understand what that meant until I started to put the pieces together (stuff that I'm highlighting).

So by some miracle I made it through sophomore year and when junior year came by I was determined to turn over a new leaf and do better at school. I thought, if I just put my mind to it things will be different. Half-way through the quarter right before my midterms this strange dread came upon me. I feared that I would fail my classes and that I should withdraw from them while I had the chance. I didn't know whether that was just me wanting to give up (the devil wanting me to give up) or God trying to tell me something. So I asked Casey to pray for me and she encouraged me to keep going. So I did. I kept moving forward with my routine through Fall and Winter. Unfortunately my good intentions and strife took me nowhere and I fell flat on my face at the end of Winter quarter. I had performed the worst ever.

By Spring quarter I had had it. Something was definitely wrong. Something needed to change. Something had to change because I couldn't go on like that anymore. I felt like a failure - I was failing in my major classes and messing up my dream of being a doctor in the future. I was letting down my family and they views of me as "the good student with a bright future". Yeah I was just feeling lost and disoriented and change needed to happen. So instead of moving forward with my life routine which wasn't working anymore, I decided to start being open to change. First thing I did was change my major. I found out from my roommate Jessica about the academic counseling services that EOP offered. I checked it out and it was a huge blessing to me. They were more helpful than the other academic advisors that I had been seeing. They filled me with lots of hope by showing me other avenues to get to my dream of being a doctor.

I did well in my Spring classes and I was able to retroactively withdraw from the three classes I had failed in Fall and Winter (Thank God! That was a miracle!). Towards the end of the quarter, I felt like more change was coming my way. I felt like God wanted to me to change other things that were in my routine. I turned down a job that I got as a tutor because it didn't feel right even thought it was perfect for me (I had Lissah and Lupita pray for me and they also felt like I shouldn't do it) and shortly after that I got the internship I'm now doing at St. John's hospital. Also, I decided not to do leadership with InterVarsity my senior year. This was a sad decision to make because I wanted to be a leader but I decided just to trust God and accept change. Well that was my decision until one of the staff met with me and offered me the position of being an area leader (leader of bible study leaders). I had declined the first few times she asked me because I told her that I wasn't yet sure what God wanted me to do. But I changed my mind after I met with her and she explained the position to me. What appealed to me was that it would put me in position to influence other leaders and would give me flexibility to lead how I wanted to lead. So I said yes and did that in Fall quarter. But all the way through Fall quarter, as much as I loved my area, I didn't feel at peace with that position and I didn't know why because it seemed like the perfect position for me.

I found out why over the break... I was chatting with Thaddeus one time and he told me that he was going off leadership. When he told me the reasons why it dawned on me why I was not at peace with being an area leader... because God had told me that more change was coming and I had decided to accept that but later on I had compromised my decision. But then I was like, "Well, I've already made the commitment and I just can't leave my co-leader and my area leaders hanging just like that." Halfway through the break I got my grades back and an email that I was on academic probation. I had done so terrible that they should have kicked me out but they said they decided to let me stay for some reason (Jesus!). So after I read that email, I was like "Ok God! You got my attention. I'm out of leadership."

When Winter quarter came about, I began to see similar trends of strife, failure, discontent,  and disorientation among a lot of the leaders in the fellowship even with the staff. I noticed a lot of weariness and uncertainty about the future. That's when all the pieces started falling together and I got aerial view!
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AERIAL VIEW!!! :-)

My InterVarsity family, and family and friends around the world, the body of Christ, we have been and still are in a Desert season. A season of transition.

1.The Promised Land
If you read about what happened at pre-fall in my Hello Africans post. Many people got visions that a great revival is going to happen at UCSB. People got visions that there will be unity in the body of Christ at UCSB and that lots of people in the school will turn to Jesus :) These are promises He gave us to hold onto but like the children of Israel, we also have to go through the desert before we get to the promised land.

2. The Desert: The only way out is through.
I remembered that in the Fall God had given me this verse and I had shared it at Common ground when I was on the worship team:
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:2)
*It says "when" not "if" so this season is inevitable. And it says "pass through" this is only going to be temporary.

3. Shifting. No looking back. Moving forward. Walk by faith not by sight.
"The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want" (Psalm 23:1)
 *Jesus is our shepherd and He is leading us to the land He promised. He is doing a new thing and He is preparing us so we have to trust Him and follow Him. If you read my story it seemed like what God was telling me to do was going against what seemed logical to me (the routine I had followed in the past). But when I walked by sight I was not at peace and kept reaping failure but when I walked by faith, I found peace with God and the joy, love and intimacy I was seeking.

4. Re-arranging. Renewal. Wait for the Lord!!!
*It's all about priorities. First things first. So I kept moving forward with the routine I had yet, as I shared in my Remember post, my relationship with God and people was suffering. I was lacking intimacy but I kept on moving with the routine. So God allowed me to experience failure in something that was important to me so that I could stop, re-evaluate things and seek first things first.

*It's all about LOVE (that's the greatest commandment) but we have complicated things by messing with the order. God is love so if we miss that we miss everything."Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."-Francis Chan. So God wants us to seek Him first and with all our hearts because everything else flows after we put Him first.
God is asking, "What will it take for you to stop and wait for me? What will it take for you to give up and seek me?" Whatever it will take He is willing to do because He is our shepherd and "He guides us along the right paths for His name’s sake." (Psalm 23:3)

*He kept giving me this verse in the Winter and the thumbelina song: Let me be your wings . (And He later led me to the videos below for confirmation.)

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but they who wait for the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40: 30-31)

InterVarsity family, God has brought us this far and He has given us promises of what is to come in the future (unity, racial reconciliation and revival in our school) but He wants us to know that it's "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts." (Zechariah 4:6)

Notice in the Isaiah verse above there is a divide.

1. There are those who grow tired and weary stumble and fall.
2. Those who wait for the Lord = Those who renew their strength. Soar on wings like eagles.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." (Psalm 127:1)

Let's Be Prepared. Let's Wait :)

We are in the desert and the only way out is through and the only way through is not by might nor by power, it's only by trusting the Holy Spirit (the spirit of Jesus, the spirit of power, love and self-control. The Spirit of Wisdom that helps us know God better). To be followers of Jesus we have to actually keep following Jesus so let's just follow Him forward and not hold onto the past because God is doing a new thing and He leading us to a better place :) He is leading us to a place of deeper trust in Him, a place of rest in His love and His power. We don't have to understand it all before we follow, we just have to trust Him and obey His Word.

At the beginning of this quarter God gave me this verse for us, InterVarsity: "On one occasion, while he (Jesus) was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 1:4-5)

We can't get to be the Acts 2 church (a racially reconciled growing community) before going through Acts 1 (waiting on God for the baptism of the Holy Spirit). Let's trust Jesus. God doesn't give us bad gifts. He wants to give us more of Himself so that we can be more like Jesus and live the life that Jesus lived (power, love and self-control) and usher in His Kingdom of love and freedom :-) How thirsty are we? How much do we want more of Him? Because He is more than willing to fill us up. Let's humble ourselves before Him, pray, surrender our all and ask Him to fill us with more of Himself because the more we seek Him, the more we find Him. And let's love each other.

"And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed."(Romans 13:11) :)

(In the Bible, numbers are significant. 11 signifies transition and 12 signifies perfection of government. Things are shifting and finalizations are in order. More details to come! :) 

"Leave behind the world you know for another world of wondrous things. Stay with me and I will be your wings." - Jesus (Let me be your wings )

There's lots to share about this desert season so stay tuned! Questions and comments are always welcome :) Love, Charlene.

(This is part of  Boot camp essential # 3. Know where you are, why you are there and how to advance- Times & seasons & GPS.)
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Update: So God told me that "2012" refers to the Hebrew year that started in September so it overlaps into 2013.