American Idols in the Church

[Email I sent on 12/16/2011]
Hey Melissa 

So this is what I wanted to email you last week and its cool that it has to do with what you just told us to pray about: So after my meetings with Marissa, then you and then Paul, as not fun as the process of conflict resolution is, through you guys pointing out my problems (which was helpful), I was also able to see what our problems are (the fellowship's).---I think this may also be relevant to your talk this Friday as well.

Individualism- An American virtue, a Christian vice  .  A threat to community, to fellowship.  So when you and Marissa told me that people were complaining about the frequency of my posts and that it made them not even want to go to the page any more... ----> (I took the correction on my part) But from another point of view, I think that is super ridiculous to be honest. [As you know, I'm not American and I have a different point of view in life than most of you so its easy for me to see some things that are contrary to God's Word that are in your culture if they are also contrary to my African culture.] So as I was saying, I think that's really ridiculous since if you (anyone) are on facebook already, its not like you receive an email each time me or any one else posts stuff so the only thing that's irritating them is that red light (as Marissa pointed out). So people are irritated when the red light goes on because they don't wanna go to the page and hear encouragement from whoever because they are on facebook since its their free time ("me" time)   and may just want to look at people's pictures and stuff for hours on end     coz who wants to receive encouragement and teaching everyday?       (I'm not saying that facebook doesn't have its own problems as a means of fellowship [I already apologised for how I'd been using it. post: A Heart-felt Confession] , I'm saying we can learn something from the observations I made concerning the fellowship).

 --> If you don't get what I'm saying I can meet up with you and explain.

 --> People value their "me time", their individualism too much. 

(This paragraph is out of context but about the same issue and in the same email) ->So at church 2 Sundays ago, I learnt about different forms of pride. And God revealed to me that it is pride that keeps me from telling people how they hurt me- I'm usually like, "Well they should know that they've hurt me and they should be the ones to initiate and apologize." And then I suppress my hurt feelings and try to forget about it (if I'm the only one who's hurt). But God's been showing me that He wants people to be reconciled even if it means that I initiate it even though I'm the one who is hurt. So it's not about me and my feelings, it's about what God wants (it will end up working out for my good anyway + it will result in deeper fellowship and unity which God loves ).

So yeah I'm going to be vulnerable right now... well I'll try...So one of the things that I really don't like about American culture, like I mentioned before is the individualistic perspective. Ever since I moved here that's something that has really affected me and discouraged me from being myself especially because I came when I was not in a good place spiritually and I wanted a fresh start but this encountering this harsh culture (in some aspects)  just set me back even more . It just sucks that a lot of people here are not intentional about wanting to get to know you on a deep level (Coming from a culture which is more friendly, welcoming and community-oriented). So that aspect really hurt me: people treating me like I don't exist, like I'm not important, being satisfied with their own perceptions of me, judgements and stereotypes they have of me in their own minds instead of taking the initiative of wanting to actually get to know me, people telling me who they think I am and talking about what they think they know about me instead of simply asking me who I am. This happened to me within Christian circles, in InterVarsity as well, so I'm not just talking about the Americans that are "out there" in the world (although it happens to a greater extent "out there").

So that really hurts me and so to protect myself from hurting I became stubborn. "Why should I always be the one who is 'intentional' and why do I have to promote myself in order to be known among people who don't seem to really care to know me. Fine! What you seek out is what you get. If people don't want to know me, then they won't. If they are satisfied with Charlene they have in their head, then fine!" In order to have at least some friends, I've had to swallow that pride and that hurt and stick with one-sided intentionality (my side) with the hope of mutual intentionality to develop somewhere along the way. That's kinda been working out for me. {I cut out the rest of this section to stay on topic}

A prayer for me (and people in the same situation as me):  Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. 

Compartmentalization- is yet another problematic tendency of American culture. Ex. Here is my "InterVarsity" time, and over here is my "normal" life time. They should not mix. I think God wants to draw us out of that mentality. He wants to bring us into the awareness that being a Christian is not a part time job, its a permanent identity. It's not just what you do it's who you are. Fellowship is not just something you do, it's who we are. I think its easy to focus on "fellowship is what we do" and that's why I've heard some people say they wanna "take a break from Intervarsity" or they look forward to that over breaks like summer. And that's why some people who no longer choose to go on leadership stop coming to InterVarsity because they see fellowship as just something you do, so since they are not 'doing'->leading, then they don't see the purpose of staying. But with the view of "fellowship is who we are" no matter what you do, you can't escape who you are, or you shouldn't want to. God wants us to see ourselves first as His children (our identity in Him) and as brothers and sisters (our identity in each other as a result of God's connection).

--> God wants us to be in each other's lives more. We are family, His family. In the same way that we don't really get to choose our earthly family, we also don't get to choose who's in our heavenly family. He is the one who chooses us. 

"See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end." (Hebrews 3: 12-14)

Also, when you told me that I should ask God for discernment- to ask Him who exactly to share the message I feel like sharing. That's true, yes I want that kind of discernment and it would be cool if He gave me words of knowledge like that. Yes I want to grow in that and I'll keep praying for that. But through you telling me that I was also able to learn the same thing about our fellowship. If a word is shared for example, when I shared you the word about conflict resolution, when you told me that you spoke to half the leaders and they had no conflict you were implying that that word was not for the fellowship as a whole but just for specific people within the fellowship. But I want to bring in another point of view, like I said, we have to know, like really know and see ourselves  as brothers and sisters so that if we get a word like that we would first ask God to search our hearts  and reveal to us how we can apply that word to our personal lives and then we should also think, "who else do I know that needs to hear this, who is going through this situation" then go to them and share it with them    and encourage them to act on it as well. So the message is actually for the whole fellowship but its application may be different. Family takes responsibility for each other.  If we don't take on this perspective then we are actually being apathetic towards each other. Not acting like a body.

"But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it ; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." (1 Cor. 12:24-26)

If you have questions about any of that let me know.

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Reading that now I'm like "Whoa! that was a pretty intense email" (and that's only half of it) and that's usually my reaction when I read stuff I wrote in the past ("Did i write that?" lol). You see one of my spiritual gifts (gifts of the Holy Spirit) is writing. It reminds of when Paul said, "By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away!" (2 Corinthians 10:1) So don't be afraid of me lol, that's just how the Truth comes out when I'm writing, plainly, but I'm really gentle in real life lol. (And some stuff comes out as anger but it's really hurt. Rather both. Deep concern. Angry at the situation since I really care about the people hurt -even if it's just me. Yeah I just really care. But yeah, God told me to give that up to Him and not to be afraid to initiate due to fear of rejection based on what has happened in the past. )So yeah, just felt like sharing that. Hope you get something out of it. If it's too intense for you don't worry, I'll break it down later more gently. I know the facebook stuff I mentioned is sketch, but I see things differently and learn stuff even from sketchy things lol so yeah just focus on the main message: Love :) (Oh yeah, and I don't hate America or Americans lol and Kenya has problems of it's own- don't even get me started! lol. I was just sharing lessons based on my observations. (Anyway, why am I even trying to explain myself ?? Feel free to ask questions. Let's be friends! ) Jesus' culture is the best! Lets learn about it from His Word and help each other see the Truth :-) Let's pray for ourselves (Search me) and for each other (To be rooted in Love). Here are some related posts: It's all about "Me, Myself and I" Right?!, Family Matters and Advocacy. Peace! :-)