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Friday, July 13, 2012

Who Cares?

"The world is sleeping in the dark, but the Church just can't fight cause we're asleep in the light."- Keith Green.

 A Call to RISE UP and LOVE!

 Sections: Asleep in the Light & Love makes Moves.



Asleep in the Light

"Most of UCSB is sleeping in the dark, but InterVarsity just can't fight cause we're asleep in the light."

Spring quarter was coming to an end... it was the Friday of the last Common ground (large group) and the weekend of our End of Year/ Senior banquet when a dense cloud of sadness settled on my heart as I contemplated the state of the fellowship. I was coming to terms with the fact that that the year had ended yet the fellowship was divided, no steps were made towards conflict resolution... in fact the only steps we took were backwards by covering up the drama that has been going on all year while moving forward with the routine like nothing happened or it didn't matter. I was about to blog but just thinking about that stuff brought up all those strong emotions which I didn't feel like dealing with plus what difference would it make since we had made it to the end of the year with successful cover-ups? So I just saved it in my drafts, put my emotions away (sunk into apathy) in order to focus on getting through the rest of the quarter.

But if you read "My Voice" post, I found my voice again. So InterVarsity, here's the aerial view of our fellowship (what God sees when He looks at us) : Last year Marissa had a dream which she shared with us at Common Ground, something like: Marissa and other people were having a great time while some other people in the fellowship were suffering and dying out in the background. And the application she gave us was "Let's care for each other more guys." And that was that. Well the thing is, God showed me this year that what she saw in the dream is still going on, plus it's always been obvious to me coz I've been one of those in the suffering crew.

Watch this first video; it's brief. It's a vision that William Booth had and it corresponds to Marissa's dream. It's really sad and pathetic that this is happening within the church, within our own fellowship :(


Dear church, we need to put LOVE back into our vocubulary because that's what it's all about. We have to have "The Kingdom Perspective" ->We can either be moved by the Spirit of God, that is, to be moved by love (that's the Kingdom of God) or be moved (or be immobilized) by fear (that's the kingdom of the world ruled by it's prince, the devil). So this is what God wants to see: Love and Unity. This is what He sees: disunity, oppression and hypocrisy. Let me break it down for you.

At prefall, God reminded me of who He is (My Loving Father) and who I am in Him (His beloved daughter). When I remembered His unconditional Love for me my mind got renewed ( I can't earn God's love and grace. It's free!). It is His Love that set me free from my idols and fears. Then He poured some more love on me - "God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Romans 5:5) And I wasn't the same after that. I felt so free! Before, my idols and fears kept me focused on myself but after that I was so free and wanted to share what God gave me with the rest of the fellowship. And it's ironic that walking in freedom/being moved by the Spirit of God/ being moved by love brought so much opposition from the most unexpected sources. I've been vague all year and that resulted in no change so I'm gonna get real. I'll begin with the spiritual climate.

Dear interVarsity, you have no clue how to fight for each other but you are pretty good at fighting each other- we have been fighting with the weapons of this world [focussing on problems] instead of those in The Word- applying the solutions (2 Corinthians 10:3). Staff is doing a great job at keeping the drama from the rest of the fellowship (Word from God: "impression management." Ezekiel 34) and everyone else follows their lead even though they are dissatisfied (but comfortable in apathy and not actually desperate for change) and so we stick to the routine to look united as we offer our filthy rags to God as worship (also Word from God. Isaiah 64:6) and as we call ourselves followers of Jesus. Thing is God sees everything, not just what we do at Common ground and he hates disunity (Matthew 5:23-24).


Want me to break it down further? Okay! (Main point & solution: 1 Samuel 7)
  • Fall Quarter. So I see people suffer in the fellowship. God puts it on my heart that we should fast for Josh for his freedom from depression. So I let Paul know (one of the staff) and he let me know that they have things taken care of (they got him off leadership and looked for a christian counseling place for him. pretty logical.) Later, Philip suffers from more demonic attacks and I tell Paul that I feel like we should fast and pray for his freedom. Paul tells me: "Yes - let's fast and pray for Philip. I'll be fasting friday and saturday of next week. We also had a staff prayer time today dedicated to praying for him. Our team is going to come up with a plan for holistic healing for him. More details to come on that." [No follow-through and they didn't call a fast for entire fellowship] Towards the end of the quarter Thaddeus is led to fast for Josh so he goes through staff and they okay him to send an email to the InterVarsity leaders to fast over the break. [Who knows who fasted? and still a fast wasn't called for the entire fellowship] Over the break God gives me Genesis 26 highlighting existence of strongholds (spiritual warfare) and therefore the  need to fast and to persist in prayer and waiting on God for His deliverance and I share it with Paul. 
  • Winter Quarter. Staff had taken over leading prayer meetings in the fall but there were no prayer meetings throughout winter quarter until Lissah and Shayne re-started theirs (racial reconciliation prayer) at the end. I realized that most people including staff don't know how to wait on the Lord or what that means and being African, that was something I could share with the fellowship. Staff ask the black peeps to hold a "Black Church Experience" during common ground in honor of black history month. I organize it and double check with Paul if he was okay with me being the speaker. I asked him to pray about it coz I felt led to lead the 2nd set of worship one time in Fall and Paul was okay with it but cancelled on me right before Common Ground. He got back to me and was okay with it. Then the day before they cancelled it because Paul didn't trust me leading - he later admitted. They had a last minute worship night instead. God told me it was spiritual warfare and protected me with His peace and joy. Staff call me into meetings to apologize. Towards the end of the quarter I get tired of seeing Shayne suffer with depression while we are doing nothing about it as a fellowship and staff isn't doing anything so I called a fast myself. I invite the whole fellowship to come together and fast and pray for Shayne, Josh and Philip for their freedom, only a handful of people show up. Shayne herself doesn't show up. We prayed and worshipped anyway. The next day Shayne told me she was feeling "really good for some unexplainable reason"-God :)
  • Spring Quarter. I was really set on fasting even if it was by myself. I shared the post "A Call to fast" with the fellowship- watch the video I posted there on fasting. All through the year 1 Samuel 7 kept coming up. Thaddeus told me it gave him confirmation about fasting so we fasted together. Later, Paul and Sean prevent Josh from going into common ground and sit near the doors to make sure he doesn't come in. Making Lupita feel "very uncomfortable" for the rest of Common Ground. I stop going to common ground after that- that just topped it off. Things weren't changing for the better, they were just getting worse. Staff officially kicked Josh out of all InterVarsity events including the senior banquet. I see Amy's status with a bunch of likes from InterVarsity peeps. It was something like, "I don't get how people use religion to exclude people"- In my head I was like, have you met your InterVarsity staff? [We still haven't all come together as a fellowship to fast and pray for Josh! That's my concern. I don't care about the details of the drama. I just care about what God told me.] I stopped going for interVarsity events and even Bible study since we are ever-learning things and never applying them so what's the point? (James 1: 22) Our priorities are messed up and we've put tradition before relationship. Fear and systems of oppression over love. 
  • "I'm really sad for Josh, how we have not cared for him- we did nothing and said nothing- we stuck to the routine following staff's lead. Josh was isolated from community which just makes his depression worse. He is really suffering and we are helping him suffer instead of fighting for him in prayer and fasting. I'm really sad that that was his last experience as a UCSB student. What I was describing in my introduction was about Josh. God really broke my heart for him. I was sad that people were celebrating the last common ground and senior banquet which Josh was excluded from. I have been hoping and praying that staff open their eyes and reconcile but they never initiated even when I called them out as God led me to, they just ignored me. But selfishly (because I did not want to deal with the strong emotions I was feeling) I let myself sink into apathy and did nothing and said nothing. I really wanted to hold a prayer meeting for Josh but I was discouraged by all the drama and the sides that were forming (for staff or against staff). I invited people for dinner at my house one day during finals week. Many people came and ate. I shared with people about what God told me about the earthquakes and stuff just to prepare people but that was probably a wrong move coz people thought I was crazy and left right after and didn't stay for prayer and worship. Yeah I wanted to see people before summer and to  practice hospitality but I also wanted us to pray for Josh and each other and to worship. I guess I was trying to do too much at once...but there's a lot you guys haven't been prepared for...sigh... Please pray for Josh's freedom and let us repent from our hypocrisy- yes all of us."
  • CONCLUSION: We need to stop (break from routine) and wait on God!!! Acts 1 and 1 Samuel 7. You cannot love the people you cannot see (you can't see how they are suffering). The Holy Spirit opens our eyes (Eyes Wide Open) and gives us unity (Spirit of Unity). He gives us power to love. And this is urgent coz there's a dying world out there so we need to get our act together and love each other. "Revival" is when people wake up to God's love. So let's wake up church! WAKE UP INTERVARSITY! Let's follow God's leadership. Let's follow His Word. He wants to Isaiah 61:1-3 to us so that we can Isaiah 61: 4-11. We cannot move forward without the Holy Spirit, that just spells out P R I D E.  There a lots of cultural strongholds in this land and in the fellowship - I'll blog about later- and so we need to come together and fast and pray.
♫ Come away. Come away with Me from this mess. Come away with Me My love. ♫
(InterVarsity it would be nice if we let God solve our drama so we can stop being divided and love each other)
___________________________________________________________________________

Love makes Moves

Jesus stabbed me in the heart tonight (5/29/12).
He said, “Freely receive, freely give.
Why? Because I said so, I lived so, I died so, I rose so. I loved so.
So receive my love and be ready to give it away. Rise up and love!"

In my "Awakening" post I shared my experience being a "lost sheep" and how God convicted me how I've just been focusing on myself and my InterVarsity problems and lost sight of those who are alseep in the dark. I was looking forward to apply what I learnt during Spring (putting relationships first- My relationship with God first and also trying to develop genuine friendships) but unfortunately I still got caught up with some drama and discouragement and spring went by super-fast before I applied all I had learnt. So that night (5/29/12) I felt like a failure :'''( I let discouragement keep me from persisting in fighting for those suffering in the fellowship coz I was tired of people not listening. I listened to the song above, "Asleep in the light" and I also remembered my roommate... God really convicted me of how I haven't been a good friend to her.  How I haven't been freely giving away what He has been giving me. She always notices how I have peace and joy and she mentions it but I never used those opportunities to share Jesus- the source of my joy and peace. I still had the fear of rejection (and the social phobia I had developed -I mentioned in the post Winter rains) and I let that keep me from sharing God's love with her. That weekend she had opened up to me and told me how she got what she wanted (getting into Pharmacy school)  but she's been depressed here at UCSB. I was really sad that that's how she felt while I've been living with her and just doing my own thing and not caring about her :( That would have been a good time to share how I felt as well words of love and hope but I let it pass me by again! >.<  How Selfish!!! It was fear that held me back but I just had to get over it. I went to the prayer shed to get prayer. And they said what I knew, I just had to do it. To be moved by love and to offer to pray for her.  So yeah I just had to get over myself and do it. So this one night we talked and she went to bed complaining that her arm was really aching from a shot she got. I was sad for her and wanted to offer to pray for her but I didn't get myself do it before she got into bed. I was on facebook and Thaddeus was online so I asked him to pray for me and he's reply was:

Lol I didn't feel like re-telling it when I could just copy and paste. Yeah I know I'm crazy :)
Anyway, when I asked to pray for her she was like "sure!" She asked what that was and I explained that it's just talking to God. I told her a little about my relationship with God. How my mum brought us up going to church but I still had to make my faith my own. I knew God, The Creator of everything and everyone, is everywhere so I just started talking to Him and He would answer. Not in a loud voice in the heavens but with His presence. He would fill me with His joy and peace. It was late so I just prayed for her and that was that. I wanted to have a follow-up convo so that I could tell her about Jesus but it never happened since I didn't initiate plus it was the last 2 weeks of school so it was busy. We hang out again one last time during summer but even then I didn't get to share about Jesus. I was kinda sad but I remembered that the good news of Jesus is shared not just through speech but also through life and love. And though we were parting we could still keep in touch and I could be a good friend. And that's what Jesus has been telling me to do. Be myself, be a good friend to people, share my love, and also the hope that I cling onto when opportunity arises or as He leads me. We've complicated Christianity but it's just about being, living and loving :)

But for real, it's time for me to put fear away and just love. I'm gonna stay away from drama like God told me to in the first place and just be and just love. Beloved, let us love God and one another :) Let's be moved by love.


“If you love me, you will keep my commandments." (John 14:15)
"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." (John 14:21)
"Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. 
My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." (John 14: 23)
"If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, 
just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love." (John 15:10)
"We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands." (1 John 2:3)
"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. 
And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.(1 John 5:3-4)
"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. 
As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love." 
(2 John 1:6)

Related posts: BEHOLD! and BOOT CAMP!

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