WAIT!

Can you feel The Love tonight? 

NO? SOS!!! CALL THE DOCTOR!!! Haha. All we need is Love.

"BEHOLD what kind of love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are!" ♥ 1 John 3:1a ♥

"Wait on the Lord." Say what??? -  A How to- (go to the end for summary)

Like I said in the Journey post, this has been an eventful year for me. God brought a lot of freedom into my life and He has been healing and restoring me but at the same time my fears kept popping up and served as distractions that set me back. Set me back from what? From resting in God's unfailing love and the peace He freely offers in spite of what's going on around me, and the joy that comes from acknowledging His presence; intimacy with Him. Resting in my identity in Him. So I would get discouraged my the rest vs. restless cycle I kept going through but God in His mercy kept giving me hope. The solution He kept giving me was to wait on Him. I'll go into that shortly. Let's look at this song first... When I listened to it this stood out to me: [Simba]: So many things to tell her. But how to make her see The truth about my past? Impossible! She'd turn away from me. [Nala:] He's holding back, he's hiding But what, I can't decide. Why won't he be the king I know he is -The king I see inside? - So through that God was telling me that the reason I could not "feel His love tonight" is because I could not See it (Behold it) - I was distracted. I was focusing on my insecurities instead. So it would help if went on a "Journey to my past" to face everything once and for all and to "Remember who I am" because there was a time that I was confident in my identity in Him- His beloved child hence royalty. And He was also reminding me that nothing can separate me from His Love. Not even my fears, insecurities and shortcomings. So I just need to open my eyes and see His Great Love for me :)

"Wait on the Lord"

I already talked about some of my experiences "waiting on the Lord" in past posts like the Remember post. But I'm re-learning to do this that's why I'm doing a new post on it. So... I remember two summers ago I was doing summer school at SB, and I was really dissatisfied with where I was and I was thirsty for change, thirsty for God (that's the summer right before my Prefall experience. post: Hello Africans). I went to New Life Church with my friends and they were having a "Next Gen" service - the kids were leading worship and sharing testimonies. It was really touching to see children with such strong faith (literal "child-like faith") and brought memories of my past. At the end the children, accompanied by an adult or two, were at the front to pray for people.  

Moon-lit ocean at Manz beach :-)

I told them my situation and they prayed for me then one of the adults told me that God was drawing me back to Himself and that I should go to a quiet place and just wait for Him. That I should be quiet and God will speak to me. He told me to wait because it could take 20 or maybe 30 minutes before I hear anything so just to be patient. So I went back to my apartment and I was excited to apply what I was told. I wanted to go to the beach but first I ate then I was on my laptop (probably on facebook) then before I knew it the sun had already set but I decided to go to the beach anyway. I got to Manzanita but it was too dark to go down to the beach so I opted to stay on one of the lawns instead. So I just sat there on the lawn with the sound of the crashing waves around me and with the black sky sprinkled with stars and graced by the moon above and before me and I waited. And waited. And waited. And nothing. I remembered he told me it might take 20 or 30 minutes so I decided to stay there for an hour. Occasionally there would be a rustling in the bushes that would startle me- probably a raccoon or skunk. And some people would walk by or bike by. When this happened I would bust out my phone and pretend to be on it or texting - because what would they think of some girl sitting on a lawn by herself at night? I thought. I kept watching my clock and waiting to hear God say something. An hour passed so I left without hearing anything. 

* Silence - "Find a quiet place and be quiet." So through that experience and the one I shared in the Remember post I learnt that silence has a purpose. I was waiting for God to speak through the silence but I later realized that His silence also speaks. The first thing that His silence spoke to me was of my insecurities. My fears and insecurities all surfaced when I was by myself in a quiet place. Though I was in a quiet place and not talking I was not quiet within me. I was anxious, worrying about what the by-passers were thinking, worrying that God wouldn't speak to me, that I wasn't listening hard enough... So maybe He was silent so that I could come to an awareness of my insecurities. Maybe He was waiting for me to be still within me so that He could speak. Maybe He was speaking but not in the way that I was expecting. I think it was all three. [You can check out this song and spoken word piece about God's silence and waiting on Him: Silence by Anthony Evans (song) and Your Words by Amena Brown (spoken word piece)]

Let's check out Elijah's experience waiting for God to speak: "And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." (1 Kings 19: 11-13)

So what God was teaching me through my experience with silence was: I was insecure. I felt alone but He was reminding me that I am never alone. He is always with me. He said that He will never leave me nor forsake me in His Word. I just needed to be still and trust His Word. I was waiting for a loud voice on the outside but He was the still small voice speaking within me, bidding me to rest. This song carries the same message: ♫ Wait! There's no mountain too great! Hear the Word and have faith. Have faith. He lives in You! (ever since you invited Him in)... He watches over everything we see... ♫

How to Wait on God

1. Silence/Be quiet/Be still- It helps to be in a quiet place. But another way of getting silence is by turning off all our media for a while. We are constantly being bombarded by different voices everyday (through media) and that can crowd out God's voice. So it's not that He's not speaking, we are just really distracted. You can check out this clip: Too much Noise -she received a dream about that.

2. Worship Music, Journaling, Word - Like in my case being in a quiet place didn't necessarily mean that I was quiet inside. So listening to worship music (like the song below) helps calm my mind by fixing it on God. Journaling also helps me focus my thoughts on Him. Also the Bible is God's Word so that's another way that He speaks to us. I talk about how I used all three ways as I was waiting on God in my Remember post. (So you can also use media but as a resource instead of a distraction. I use my blog to journal and music online and sometimes the online Bible).

3. Fasting- I spoke of distractions, food can also be a distraction from waiting on God lol. I discovered this the first time I decided to "wait on God" in my apartment. I would be in my room doing #2 then like every 10 minutes I would be in the kitchen getting a snack lol. K I exaggerated a little bit. So that's one of the reasons I decided to fast. Another reason is because of spiritual warfare. I was facing opposition and I was tired of people telling me that I was not hearing from God (that what God was telling me was not actually from Him). Entertaining such reactions left a door wide open for the devil to bring in confusion and to attack my identity so I decided to fast to listen to God's voice only about my identity (He is my Maker after all). Fasting also helps us to hunger and thirst for God more and it's also important in the purification and healing process that God wants us to go through; it also results in deeper intimacy with Him. I'll have another post about that but you can check these ones out: A Call to Fast (March) and September.

4. Praising God and Thanking Him- Yeah I mentioned listening to worship music and what I described is also known as "soaking" -> listening to music about God's attributes or songs that He sings over us (Psalms says that He sings over us with songs of deliverance- Ps. 32:7 ) like in the song below, and just taking it in. Allowing Him to minister to our hearts through the Holy Spirit and to renew our minds with the Truth. So another thing we can do as we wait on Him is to praise Him. We can sing songs of praise, clap our hands and dance for Him whether or not we feel like it. Whether or not we "feel the Love." Because as I've learnt through experience praising God for who He is and thanking Him for what He's done outloud helps renew our minds (by silencing the accuser who likes to infect our minds with doubts and lies) so that we can see the love and it is then that we can feel the Love. "He who sacrifices thank offerings honors Me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God." - The LORD (Psalm 50: 23).

5. Be organized. Delight yourself in Him. Persistence and Patience- So far I've been focusing on breaking off from routine, retreating in order to refocus (to see God's Love and to find satisfaction in Him. To be healed, refreshed and restored in His presence.To draw closer to Him- intimacy). Yeah I know we are busy people; we don't always have lots of free time. We have school, work, kids and other responsibilities. But it's all a matter of Priorities. Jesus says that if we seek God first and the Kingdom of God everything else (stuff we need for life on this earth) will be added unto us (Matthew 6:33) and  in Romans 14:17 it says that the Kingdom of God is a matter of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. So for me He was showing me that I've just been disorganized and distracted so I need to get organized. Some practicals for me: Sleeping earlier- Trading my late nights for early mornings and seeking God right from then (I will need His Spirit to make that possible lol. The Holy Spirit gives us self-control). Another idea is to involve other people around me. When I'm home I'm busy babysitting so it's not always easy to retreat I can plan to have stuff like praise and worship sessions with my niece and nephews. And yeah God is always with us wherever we go and in whatever we are doing so we just need to acknowledge His presence and know that we have free access to His peace and joy. So let's wait on the Lord and find rest in His unfailing Love :)

"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him... Those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. (Psalm 37:7a and 9b. God has lots of blessings in store for those who wait on Him. Read all of Psalm 37. Let's press in and press on with patience. He wants to satisfy us with His Love and show us His goodness :)

All we need is Love :) Love gives us wings =)

"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40: 31)

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Update 1/13/14: Wait on the LORD - A Corporate Command

So I ended this post with the point I highlighted, "involving other people around me" and yeah another important and powerful way of waiting on the Lord is corporately. 

"On one occasion, while He (Jesus) was eating with them, He gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit...But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:4-5 & 8) 

Yes it's a command because it's an act of love; the greatest commandment is to love God with your all and your neighbor as yourself. So to wait on the Lord corporately really is the the way to go. It's acknowledging our thirst for the fullness of God (more of His love and power, more of Him!) - acknowledging that we can't love God without His love; and also acknowledging that we can't love others like Jesus does without His power. 

And yeah this is the way to go because of the time we are in a time of being sent out to change the world and God doesn't want us to change the world with just our natural abilities but with His fire and power. We are generation that will bring down the Kingdom of heaven to earth and in order to do that unity is key - that's why God is creating "One New Man" and that's why it's so urgent and necessary to wait on Him corporately to advance the Kingdom in more powerful ways than this earth has ever experienced. 

I would like to invite you all to this event: ONE LOVE: A Night of Unity on Sat, Jan. 25th 7pm and let's get to know each other over refreshments and icebreakers and let us also come together to wait on the Lord through worship and prayer with expectant hearts. We need more of His Love. A lot has been repeatedly prophesied about Santa Barbara you can read more in this post: Let there be Light; but yeah we want to see great things happen here, restoration and transformation but it all begins with us. So let us come together and wait on the Lord. We need His power to cross the red sea and claim the promised land. So let's do this!! :D For more emphasis of this application read: The Desert and FULL Armor of God. 

It's ALL about JESUS! =)

And Jesus is for us ALL! =)

So we wait for You! Shekinah Glory come down! You move and we want MORE! We want the FULLNESS!! post: Time to SEEK!

I'm A Little Tea- Pot :)

So this is funny but God speaks to me in random ways as I'm going about my day plus I'm random so I don't mind lol... So a week ago the song above came to mind (we sung it in Nursery school) so I went to watch it on youtube and this stuck out to me: When I get all steamed up here me shout: Tip me over and pour me out. And then a few days ago I saw this photo on facebook by the setapartgirl online mag and the title- Consecration: Made strong to be poured out- stuck out to me and reminded me of the teapot song. So yeah, God was just encouraging me, once again, that the season I'm in is not a waste. He's working on me. He's making me stronger. And yeah, I just need to fix my eyes on Him, be still and rejoice in Him always :)

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." (Romans 12:12) :-)


This also stuck out from the teapot song: ♫ I'm a clever tea-pot, yes it's true. Here, let me show you what I can do... Just tip me over and pour me out. ♫ It reminded me of the spiritual gifts God has given me (gifts of the Holy Spirit-> "Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the LORD of hosts."-Zechariah 4:6b) : Wisdom and prophesy. So God's working on me so that I can be confident in the identity He's given me so that I don't get tossed about by all the waves that seek to suppress me. He wants me to stand firm in my identity in Him so that He can use me to pour into the lives of others. So if you're like me, a little tea-pot going through the refiner's fire let's hold on. God is at work and He will bring the work to completion. Thank you God! Let's praise Him in the process =) ♫ When the waves are taking you under, Hold on just a little bit longer. He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger ♫ =)

Self- Esteem

♫ Shadowland... the leaves have fallen... Now I must go. I must go... And where the journey may lead me let this prayer be my guide. Though it may take me so far away I will remember my pride....I have no choice. I must find my way!... I will return! I will return! ♫ (Lion King's Shadowland)
In this post:
*Moratorium: The Desert of Identity Exploration & Achievement.
*Identity Crisis: Young Girl Charlene vs. Young Man Luther.

As you know from my posts: Journey and Anastasia Fall quarter was restless for me. When I went to Prayer and Prophecy one time I was asked, "Do you doubt yourself a lot?" and another time "You need to be confident in who you are. When you're looking at yourself you're just looking at your shadow. You need to see yourself the way God sees you." So through the Adolescent Psych class I took this past quarter God taught me a lot about identity and why I was having issues with mine. I learnt that there are 4 identity statuses:

1. Achieved- attainment of identity. Exploration and commitment to identity.
2. Foreclosure- Identity hasn't been explored yet you have committed to it."When adolescents accept their parents or society’s roles and values without questioning them or exploring alternatives."-Erickson.
3. Diffusion- No exploration and no commitment. "When an adolescent does not seem to know or care what his identity is."
4. Moratorium- Identity has been explored but you haven't committed to it. Erickson’s term for a pause in identity formation (commitment) that allows young people to explore alternatives without making final identity choices. So I realized that I've been stuck in moratorium for the longest time: well, I kept going in circles. There's a name for that too: MAMA cycle (stands for moratorium-achievement-moratorium achievement) but my achievements were more short-lived. So God told me that what's keeping me in this cycle is self-esteem issues. The desert season is one of identity formation and I'll stay in this desert until I'm confident in my identity; until I develop a healthy self-perception.

IDENTITY FORMATION

 I got this new song in the Fall, I felt like God was singing over me: "Behold I AM doing a New thing in the desert. Behold I'm doing a New thing! It's time to Remember who you are." Let's define some terms before we move on:

• “Identity formation involves a synthesis of childhood skills, beliefs, and identifications into a more or less coherent, unique whole that provides the young adult with both a sense of continuity with the past and a direction for the future…. Identity refers to how experience is handled as well as to what experiences are considered important.” – James Marcia. I've been avoiding taking the "Journey to the past" blog series for a long time (since last Spring coz it always seems like "it would be too much work and emotion") but it seems inevitable for me. I want to do it though. I just need to be still and take a step at a time.
• Self- concept- Ideas that individuals have of themselves regarding various traits and attributes. People can have multiple selves: actual self (who you are), ideal self (who you want to be), feared self (who you don't want to be but fear you might turn into) and false self (who you are not yet you present yourself this way). "The acceptable false self arises from the adolescent's perception that the real self is rejected by parents & peers. May cause a sense of worthlessness, depression, & hopelessness." That's a sad and accurate description of my situation :( Wow I'm already tearing up and I haven't even shared personal stories-this is why I don't finish or rather start such posts. The desert is a time of getting rid of the false self and feared self, re-affirming the real self and developing the ideal self. 
• Self-esteem - Sense of worth about one-self. It is a product of 2 assesments: 1)The discrepancy between the real and ideal self. 2) Overall sense of support. Can you now see why I keep doing MAMA cycles? I remember who I am by looking to God or remembering my past but then I feel like I lack support (due to my perception that my real self is rejected) so I lose courage again and go back to hiding my real self. It's like I wait for the right time or permission for me to be myself but it never comes. But then God showed me the key to freedom: Himself. Confidence in Him and what He says about me. (post: Free to Be! Free to Fly!) So I just need to fix my eyes on Him because He is the only constant hence His opinion of my identity never changes plus He's my Creator so He knows me better than anyone. But yeah, I need to start this journey to my past coz it will help in my restoration process. I'm tired of these MAMA cycles. They've been going on for too long- read the next section- and my false self and distorted self-image affect my ability to receive love from others (and distracts me from time to time from resting in God's love for me) and so it restricts my capacity to give love (Love is something you express so I haven't been expressing as much love as I want to because I haven't been expressing myself fully :( ♫ I stand unafraid, desperate for change. Please take it all so I can live free cause I have to be more like you. Oh Lord this is me I'm asking You to please change my identity <take away the false self>. I don't wanna be like this... I wanna be like You.♫ Song: Identity by James Fortune & Fiya.

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 Identity Crisis

Characteristics of an identity crisis: Identity confusion, inconsistent behavior and character, not knowing where you fit in society. Being ignored, not valued. 

"Young Girl Charlene"-> I'll be starting the story of my life series soon (so help me God!) but you can read the Free to Be post for a piece of my young mind lol (link above). I wrote that note in 07' just shows how long I've been in moratorium. This is a facebook message I wrote to a friend back in Kenya, Anthony Kungu. He was going to preach about self-esteem and he asked for my input and I had lots to say. I wish I had the beginning of what I said but I guess facebook didn't save it. So here's the rest:

(March, 17th 2009)Hey...am back from lunch and I just wanted to add sth. to the self-esteem discussion we were having:
-Self-esteem goes hand in hand with self-worth, self-image and self-confidence.
-Matthew 22:39 -Jesus says that we should love others as ourselves. But if we have low self-esteem we don't love ourselves much, and we think of others as being better than us; thus we won't be able to love others as well; not in the equal way that God intended.

-I had said that having low self-esteem is sin....but let me reword:....I meant that low self-esteem is a big deal, and should be treated with more seriousness, coz it separates us from God; it affects our relationship with him. If you think about it all relationships are built on trust, so if you don't trust what God has to say about you; then plainly you don't trust Him completely and that can distance us from Him; just as sin distances us from God.

-Self-esteem should not be based on our own achievements, status or appearance. If it is it will be based on pride and people's opinions. But it should be based on God because "Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). God gives us our worth right from our creation and through the high price he paid for us through the blood of His son; we're that valuable. (I read that from http://www.gotquestions.org/self-esteem.html and this has cool Bible versus relating to the topic: http://www.openbible.info/topics/self-esteem. Okay, now am done. All the best in delivering the sermon. Just let God speak through you. When are you going there by the way? Baraka :)

(March 17, 2009)One more thing!!.....sorry I tend to be a write-a-holic sometimes but I think this is important to add...What I said before is true but sounds pretty harsh....Even though I think that it should be treated seriously and that its necessary to expose how the devil uses discouragement to inflict low self-esteem and draw us far from God,....it should not be a message of condemnation for the people with low self-esteem but one of restoration, like you said "He restores". So for those with a distorted self-image (me included), He can restore, if we are willing to let go of our old selves. It won't be easy for some (me included again) but one step we can take to work on our self-esteem is to renew our thinking with His word (Romans 12:2) because the mind is a battlefield (negative thoughts vs. positive ones) and following the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We should ask the Holy Spirit to help us in our weaknesses (Romans 8:28). Another practical thing one can do is post Bible verses with what God says about us and what He promises us in our rooms, places we can read easily; and most importantly to take it in and believe it...to be conscious of our thoughts....whenever a negative one pops in sayin that we are worthless, we should reject it and respond with what God says. Okay am going now :)

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Young Man Luther

In my adolescent psych text book, there was a story, "Young Man Luther" about Martin Luther and his identity crisis as a young adult. It's a really cool story you can read the summary on that link. I get discouraged a lot by how long I've been in moratorium and my MAMA cycles. But God really encouraged me through his story. What caught my eye was that he was 23 (like me) when he had his identity crisis and he finally achieved his identity and purpose in his early 30's (so there's hope for me!).  His father wanted him to be a lawyer so he went to law school but later on he was almost struck by lightning and took that event to be sign so he vowed to be a monk. His parents totally disapproved but he did it anyway. It's so good I'll quote Erickson's interpretation of Luther's identity crisis and I'll compare it to mine: 

If Luther became the great rebel who changed the face of religion and the world, what took him so long? Rebellion is usually manifested in one's younger years, but Luther was 34 by the time he properly spoke out against the Church (reminded me of my 6th grade "rebel" experience post: Advocacy)

Erikson's explanation is that young people must first believe in something intensely before they turn against it, and Luther was desperate to believe in the Church's divine authority. He may never have become the Church's most vocal critic unless he had first gone through the experience of complete devotion and attachment. Erikson comments that great figures in history often spend years in a passive state. From a young age they may feel that they will create a big stamp on the world, but unconsciously wait for their particular truth to form itself in their minds, until they can make the most impact at the right time. This was the case with Luther. (post: The Desert, Friendship, Stealth)

Erikson gives much space to a psychoanalytical discussion of Luther's relationships with his father. He surmises that Martin's courage in standing up to the Holy Roman Church can only be understood in the context of his initial disobedience to his father. Perhaps surprisingly, Erikson suggests Luther was not rebellious by nature (in fact in many ways he was reactionary), but having once disobeyed the major figure in his life, this put him on a trajectory of disobedience.

Erikson's most intriguing point is that, yes, Luther changed the world via his theological position, but that position was the result of the working out of his own personal demons and identity crises. Was he Luther the good monk, Luther the good son, or Luther the great reformer?

His need to work through his own neuroses relating to guilt, combined with a deep feeling for justice, resulted in a deep personal conviction that happened to be writ large on history.

Erikson likens major identity crises to a 'second birth', an idea he got from William James. While the once-born person 'rather painlessly fit themselves and are fitted into the ideology of their age', twice-born people are often tortured souls who seek healing in some total conversion experience that will give them direction. The positive aspect of the twice-born is that if they do successfully transform themselves, they have the potential to take the world along with them. It took a while for Luther to work out who he was, but once he had not even the Pope could stop him. (post: Misfit? -> Revolutionary!) 

He shows that Luther's personal crises could not be separated from the social changes happening around him, and that the whole Reformation could be seen as Luther's personal issues getting worked out on a global scale. It was his own conscience, for instance, that drove him to reposition the Church as secondary to a person's direct relationship with God. And as a true believer, Luther's insistence on faith above 'good works' also reshaped Christendom. (post: Rest)

This is my year! I have fallen over and over again but God has been merciful. I now know who I am, where I am from and where I am going (God told me) and at the same time I am finding out who I am by remembering my past experiences. I've tried to do one without the other but I need to do both for the sake of my journey to wholeness and feel free to join me. I am weak but He is my strength and all that I need. I will rise! I am rising! Glory to God! (post: And on the 23rd year she rose again!) =)

I SHALL LOVE GOD WITH MY ALL & OTHERS AS MY SELF. I SHALL HATE ALL EVIL AND EXPOSE IT.

♫ A NEW Generation stepping on the scene ♫ :-)

 

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10/27/13 Just watched this video about Martin's Luther story :)

"This paradoxical figure revived the Christian consciousness of all of Europe."

Anastasia

Heart, don't fail me now

Courage, don't desert me

Don't turn back now that we're here

People always say

Life is full of choices

No one ever mentions fear

Or how the world can seem so vast

On this journey...to the past

Somewhere down this road

I know someone's waiting

Years of dreams just can't be wrong!

Arms will open wide

I'll be safe and wanted

Fin'lly home where I belong

Well, Starting now, im learning fast

On this journey...to the past

Home, Love, Family

There was once a time

I must have had them too

Home, Love, Family

I will never be complete

Until I find you...

One step at a time,

One hope, then another

Who knows where this road may go

Back to who I was

On to find my future,

Things my heart still needs to know

Yes, let this be a sign!

Let this road be mine!

Let it lead me to my past

to bring me home...

At last

*Main section: Anastasia-> She Will Rise Again

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Just rest my child, I got you! -Your Loving Heavenly Dad :)

In the Journey post I mentioned how restless I was throughout the quarter. God kept telling me to rest and I would for a minute but then I would find myself "twisting and turning"again. So it was during dead week when I had stilled myself that I was able to catch up with what God had been trying to tell me all through the quarter. So apparently God wanted to speak to me a lot through my classes but because I was being restless I was also not being a good student (not doing my readings and not attending some lectures). Also, I had compartmentalized my life (physical vs. spiritual). I would go about my day (classes and stuff) then when I was back in my apartment is when I'd seek God. So by doing so I was really limiting the ways through which He wanted to speak to me. So when I was catching up with my readings and going through the lectures I had missed I received a lot of answers to the questions that were bugging me all quarter. I felt bad for not listening to God and trusting His lead when He was telling me to just rest because I would have enjoyed His peace and joy and intimacy plus received answers as I went about my day (and I would have been a better student and performed better) -> "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33) But I was thankful for His grace for me. I was thankful that I had the chance to catch up and learn what He wanted me to learn. I felt like He had been singing the song below over me and all I needed to do was stop, listen, trust and follow. Through my fall experience I also remembered this:

"I have given you a GPS so I don't want you to park somewhere waiting to receive all the answers about your future before you can move on. I want you to move on so that the GPS I have given you does its work. So venture boldly into the unknown because you have a GPS that knows." -Jesus. {Totally did the opposite of that lol} "Yes you may get distracted from time to time and hence fail to hear some instructions and you may have taken a wrong turn somewhere. But no need to worry! The beautiful thing about having this GPS is that it recalculates and sets you back on the right track to reach your destination." (You can read the rest at: My G.P.S)

Anastasia = She Will Rise Again!

So I was tired of going through the same circles over and over again. It's easy for me to wallow in regret but God kept reassuring me that He is holding me and breakthrough is close. He did that in different ways. God kept telling me "Remember who you are." And these came up: The Odyssey, The Lion King, Anastasia and I'm yet to watch Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron. I realized they all had this in common: A journey from life to death and back to life again; an identity lost then recovered. There's a happy ending. Restoration and reunion happens :) So God was trying to drill it in my head that yes I lost my identity along the way, He found me but I still have brokenness in my life but I'm on my way back to life. So I was reading something then the word Anastasia came up and they mentioned that it was greek for Ressurection. I thought that was interesting because I had watched the disney film when I was younger but I didn't know the meaning. I decided to re-watch it because at the beginning of the year that Journey to the past song came up for me (when I did the Let Go. Let Love Flow post). And sure enough they said it in the movie, "Anastasia means She will Rise Again!"So what I learnt through that (as well as my classes and the other movies) is God is working on me, He is making me new (bringing me back to life)- He is the one responsible for the completion of the renewal. He is faithful. He will do it. 

And also family came up and spiritual warfare-> the devil's interference through his schemes (this is really clear in Anastasia) that leads to lots of brokenness and issues with identity. So God was telling me there shall be breakthrough. He has conquered and He will restore. I'll be home at last. I'll have a post about family and I still feel the need to do "the story of my life"-mostly for myself (but I'll share it coz I like to share) to help me remember who I am. So yeah breakthrough is coming. Jesus is faithful and He shall finish the renewal and bring restoration. That was great news for me but what made it even more exciting is the fact that God kept telling me in different ways that, "It's time,""Soon," "Now is the time." So yeah, Tis the season people!!! :D I know it may be hard to believe that it's finally here but He gave me soo much confirmation that I'm soo preggo with HOPE. I'm not throwing out any dates (I'm not that kind of crazy lol) but this definitely is THE SEASON!!! We'll start to see changes soon. I'm believing for breakthrough in families staring this holiday (Well, I'm definitely claiming it for me and my family! I'm proclaiming it in Jesus Name!) and I have some more stuff that God revealed to me through His Spirit and Word that I still haven't shared yet. HE IS MAKING US NEW!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!! :D Related post: Pimp my ride.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." -The LORD. (Isaiah 43:19) :-)

Anastasia = The Resurrection.

"We were buried therefore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with Him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with Him in a resurrection like His."(Romans 6:4-5)

BLOOM =)

You Are Part of God's Perfect Plan 

by Emily Matthews

God planned the smallest detail

on the day He formed the earth,

And, just as carefully, He planned

each detail of your birth-

He knew the color of your eyes,

the texture of your hair,

The circumstances of your days,

each how and when and where.

And God has had a perfect plan

from all eternity

To touch the lives of others

through the lives of you and me-

He blesses us and fill us

with a joy beyond all measure,

For He considers each of us
a rare and priceless treasure.

God has a wonderful plan for your life- unique and as special as you-
For using the talents and gifts
you've received
as only you're able to do.
And so as you praise Him,
reflecting His goodness
and celebrate all that He's done,
May He bring fulfillment
and joy to your heart
making each day a beautiful one.
[Thanks to my loving parents for giving me this card on my birthday!]

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The blooming season overlaps the desert season ->which tends to be a difficult and confusing time because of the tension between who you've been and who you're becoming and also with other people around you, all the voices seeking to direct you. The confusion comes in when we compare ourselves with other sunflowers. That leads to pride-> thinking of yourself more highly than you ought to or false humility {low self-esteem + self-pity } -> thinking of yourself more lowly than you ought to. But our job as sunflowers is to face the Sun coz that's when each of us finds our identity and purpose (we are Sunflowers after all lol). People around you will want to guide you and they have good intentions but they don't always have the best vision. Only God sees the full picture. He sees what you're blooming into that's why it's really necessary to fix our eyes on Him and listen to His directions.

This song from Joseph, King of Dreams says it better: ♫ You've seen the damage words can do, When full of thoughtless pride, Now heed the wiser voice in you, That calls to be your guide. The flowers reaching for the sun are all uniquely blessed, But though each is special not a one is better than the rest. Bloom, bloom, may you know, The wisdom only time breeds, There's room, bloom and you'll grow, To follow where your heart leads, Bloom and may you bring, Your colors to the vast bouquet, There's room, bloom, learn one thing, Your gifts are meant to give away. ♫ =)

♫ Just keep believing, you'll see a New Season soon. You were made to BLOOM ♫ :)

A New Season's coming! and it's here! We'll see :) "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare My praise." (Isaiah 43:19-21)

This whole blooming business is by God and for Him. For His glory! Let's praise Him even in the process! Let's wait on Him to satisfy us with His Living Water. He is so loving and so faithful to us! He is faithful to complete the good work He begun in us. Thank You God! =) I'm thankful for God's faithfulness to me in this desert season but I'm ready for it to be over lol (But He's the Potter and I'm just the clay n I'm learning patience, stillness and joy in the process lol). I'm excited for what's to come!!! We were made to BLOOM :D

Stealth : /

Hidden Lion. 

Crouching Leopard.

Can I come out now?

....Is it safe yet?

Uhm, how about now?

... or Now?

....NOW?

I went to the prayer shed for their prayer and prophecy this past Monday night. So if you've never been, it's basically: a group of people from IV Church pray for you and God gives them words for you/get visions/pictures (They prophesy over you. In InterVarsity, people refer to it as "Listening prayer." It's a cool place to go if you need encouragement/prayer). So this one guy, Israel told me "You have a prophetic gifting. We prophesy over people but you see stuff that's coming. That's cool." I was like "Yeah" but in my head I was like, "It would be cool if people actually listened to me though and not treated me like I was crazy. But yeah, "Every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of Lights who does not change like shifting shadows."-James 1:17 And then the others prayed for me, then Israel asked me if I liked leopards coz he got a picture of a leopard. I told him no but in my head I was like, "But I like lions." Then they finished praying for me and just as we were wrapping up that guy got an interpretation for the leopard picture. He told me that leopards are powerful, they are among the big 5, but they are especially known for their stealth. Then he tried to apply it to me. So he was like, "You are powerful-You have the power of the Holy Spirit in you. But maybe because of your personality, it's not 'showy,' so people don't notice but know you're still powerful though, maybe the people around you will notice."

I know he said that to encourage me but it was actually discouraging to hear lol but helpful at the same time. It was nice to get more confirmation. When I came home I looked up the meaning of stealth: "Marked by or acting with quiet, caution, and secrecy intended to avoid notice."So it came down to the main problem I have- I'm not myself -> I'm not fully expressing who I fully am, which you find out in the "About me" section. And this is because of fear of standing out as well as all my other fears. So yeah, once again, God was telling me: Remember who you are! And be yourself. My identity crisis is the source of most of my other problems. He was showing me that I can't even use my gifts well if I'm not being myself. I want to use my gifts to obey Him and build His body coz that's what they are for and to prepare my family and friends but I can't do that if I'm busy hiding, being quiet when I have something to say and trying not to get noticed due to fear. Because if I try to hide I will make no impact, which is really selfish. The gifts of the Spirit are for sharing. So yeah God was reminding me to keep my eyes on Him and His Kingdom, to stop worrying about what people think because He sees my heart and knows my intentions, and to just share. Coz that's what love does. (But feel free to ask questions if you have any. I share to obey God but also to communicate. So if you are confused about stuff please ask and I'll try to clarify. And also be patient with me. Thanks :) I'm really tired of being selfish - not being myself and sharing all that I have to give with others. When they prayed for me they said, "Thank you God coz she is bold. Just give her the courage to step out and be herself and to know that that's enough. To know that being herself is good enough." And that's my prayer too. Lord, help me to stop hiding, to stop hiding You in me. Give me the courage to be myself. In Jesus' name, Amen. ♫ I will stand and face the mountain, confront my fears ...By His strength, by His power I will conquer all.... I will stand. ♫

 

Jesus, please shine on me and make me a light for Your glory :-)

P.S: In case you missed this in the Revolution post: I don't know the order or exact timing of stuff but God showed me that the "2012" prophecies He gave me are actually referring to the Hebrew year that starts in September so it will overlap into 2013. And I do have lots to share that I haven't shared yet coz it's not what you think, there are lots of twists- the Holy Spirit has revealed some cool mysteries that have been sealed till these days, these endtimes. It's exciting stuff! But yeah I need to take my time on it instead of frantically sharing unfinished stuff. And I'll be breaking down the super-long posts and summarizing them. But point is it's time to seriously seek God for yourself right now. I feel like some stuff's going to go down really really soon and He has great things in store for those who seek Him- details later. K, Let's surrender our all to Him. Let's ask Jesus to search our hearts, to purify and refine us. To prepare us to soar with Him in the coming season. K, later! Peace! :)
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 Update: 5/23/2013.
A friend of mine told me she doesn't take me seriously coz of my "happy personality" and I just sent her this:

• Hey, thanks for what you told me. It's true. I use "happiness" as self-defense. I anticipate rejection when I'm about to share my true feelings, so I use happiness to try and disarm the person (who may not want to interact with me in the first place if i tell them my true thoughts and feelings upfront or just doesn't care... or that isn't close with me is satisfied with that) but yeah, it aways backfires since it makes the transition harder... or like you said, people don't take me seriously.
• 

  4:36pm
  

  Charlene Wambũi Macharia

  So yeah thanks. And I hope you make it back in time for the With One Voice event. I know you and everyone else may not care for the revival... and don't believe it will happen... But God, who has been faithful to me when no one was there for me, told me that it will happen. So it'd be cool if we were all part of it - the start of it. But if you can't, it's ok. You'll see the results when you come back
• 

  4:38pm
  

  Charlene Wambũi Macharia
  

  
  

  And another reason I smile... not just for self-defense... but because I want people to know that whether or not they believe what God gives me to share, whether or not they want to do life with me, stuff that I want to do, I still care for them as individuals. And their action/inaction to the message I share or what I stand for, doesn't affect how much I care for them.

Dry Bones

The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, "Sovereign Lord, you alone know." 

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’” (Ezekiel 37:1-6)

♫ Jesus, You're the one who saves us. Constantly creates us into something new. Jesus, surely you will finds us. Surely our Messiah will make all things new. Will make all things new :-) Life is breaking out, it's breaking out. Life is breaking out, it's breaking out, it's breaking out! =) ♫

"Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’”So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. (Ezekiel 37: 9-10)

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People, it's Time to Remember Who We Are! =)

"Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord." (Ezekiel 37: 11-14)

In the post Real Identity, God confirmed to me that we are in a season of awakening. He is awakening us to our REAL identity, who He made us to be, His children. And along with that He revealed to me that there are "dry bones" among us (Jewish bloodline) and we don't even know it and the Jewish blood is not just somewhere among the three ethnic groups I mentioned, I don't have all the puzzle pieces, but I believe it's in more ethnic groups than that. I'll go into that later (I'm breaking down my posts) but yeah, it is in God that we find our identity so it is time for all of us to turn back to Him and seek Him with all our hearts. He has so much in store for us in the new season we're going into!! :D Let's return to His rest and He'll do the rest. He shall renew, revive, restore and redeem! Yay! I'm excited! =)

*N.B: I say "we" and "let us" because I'm actually talking to myself as well. Yeah God taught me that stuff a long time ago but I still have identity issues (I get distracted/forget easily) so this quarter He's been telling me over and over again: REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE! So yeah,  I'm still on my way to who I am but I like to share the journey. K, let's remember, let's return, let's rest :-)