Many cities of men he saw and learned their minds, many pains he suffered, heartsick on the open sea, fighting to save his life and bring his comrades home."- The Odyssey by Homer.
♫I'm restless, and I rustle like a thousand tall trees; I'm twisting and I'm turning in an endless daydream. You wrestle me at night and I wake in search of You... But try as I might, I just can't catch You. But I want to, 'cause I need You, yes, I need You. I can't catch You, but I want to. How long, how long until I'm home? I'm so tired, so tired of running.♫ (Song: Lament by Audrey Assad)
So I'm taking this Greek mythology class and we read The Odyssey by Homer. I wasn't being a good student the week we started it (I blame the rain and thanksgiving! lol jk) so I got behind on the reading so I decided to watch the movie first to get the gist. When I watched it I was blown away because it described my situation and God taught me lots through it. He answered my questions and gave me hope and direction. So yeah, I'll be making comparisons between the book and my life lol (Study tip: You remember stuff better if you can relate it to yourself -> "The self-reference effect" haha). Main section: Homecoming! (but you'll miss out on the journey if you jump to the conclusion lol)
"The Man of Twists & Turns"
So I had a restless start to the quarter as I already mentioned in earlier posts. God kept telling me to chill out and I would, for a moment, but then I'd somehow go back to twisting and turning till I found myself in this very familiar dark valley surrounded by these very familiar noisy mountains and I'd be like, "Oh no! I'm back here again??! Really? Fail! I'm meant to be making progress by now! What went wrong this time? When will this cycle ever end??!" Yeah I was just tired and discouraged by all my misadventures but God gave me hope :)The Odyssey is an epic journey and it focusses on Odysseus' nostos ("return home"/ "homeward voyage"). It begins in the middle of things -> midway through Odyssey's wanderings. It concerns itself much more with the unseen universe of the human heart; with feelings of loneliness, confusion and despair. Odysseus is introduced in a very unheroic way: sulking on a beach, yearning for home, alone (except for Calypso, a goddess who had imprisoned him there). [Sparknotes!]
So yeah through the movie (you can watch it on youtube) God showed me that though I ran into lots of obstacles and had many setbacks I will make it home. (Actually He told me that days before; the movie just painted it out for me and gave me lots of confirmation. Thanks God for accommodating visual learners! -Those are the kinds of "visions" I get lol). And though it may seem like I'm not making any progress I am on my way there (homeward voyage) so that was relieving to know :)
Obstacles & Setbacks
I got hope for the future and I knew I had to move on but then I was like "What was the point of going through all that over and over again??" I lacked closure and I needed to find it otherwise I'd swim in regret.1. Wisdom & Love:"Many cities of men he saw and learned their minds."His many experiences, though painful, matured him. God showed me that I was focussing too much on what I didn't have and not paying attention to what I had gained. He allowed me to grow in Wisdom through my different cross-cultural experiences (some products of that is the Real Identity and the Revolution post). And He told me that I had learnt to love through my experiences because love has different faces ( 1 Corinthians 13) and must stand the test of opposition (Matthew 5) [post: Love Me]. He told me "Well done" coz that was an important lesson to learn because when we get to heaven that's the question He'll ask us: "Did you learn to love?"[I got those words/confirmation when I went to prayer and prophesy at the prayer shed when I was super-discouraged mid-quarter so it was encouraging to hear].
2. Can clearly identify obstacles- The most dangerous obstacles are the nameless ones but if you can name it, you can conquer it faster (just made that up lol but it's true. If you don't identify something as a problem then it will slow you down/keep you from working towards the solution). At most of the setback locations he landed in, Odysseus would get warnings: descriptions about more obstacles in his path. That info helped him keep an eye out for those obstacles and he could prepare himself to tackle/avoid them. "Many of the obstacles are temptations :Immediate, visceral desires distract him from his nostos (homeward voyage), but a deeper longing and a more intellectual understanding of his mission's importance keep him tied to his course." [Sparknotes!]
Similarly, through my wanderings, I learnt the names of my obstacles: the famous fear of rejection, fear of standing out, the newly named fear of failure, people-pleasing, false humility, discouragement, low self-esteem, "eye/memory" problems (easily distracted), issues with receiving love. That's most of them, if not all lol. You can read some descriptions I gave in my "The Fall" album on facebook. Now that I know what my problems are I can keep an eye-out for their future attacks and I can ask God to shine His light into all those areas of darkness (instead of giving up and hiding in a dark hole lol. Pray for me!). He told me not to think of the desert season I am in as a waste of time because even when there's no fruit showing, there's stuff growing. He is The Potter, I am the clay and He's still working on me! :)
3. Main Lesson: I'M ALL WEAKNESS.
"Of all that breathes and crawls across the earth, our mother earth breeds nothing feebler than a man. So long as the gods grant him power, spring in his knees, he thinks he will never suffer affliction down the years. But then, when the happy gods bring on the long hard times, bear them he must, against his will, and steel his heart. Our lives, our mood and mind as we pass across the earth, turn as the days turn . . ." (Odysseus)
So Zeus and the other gods gave the okay for Odysseus to be finally set free from Calypso's island. Calypso, also a goddess, wanted him for herself but she had to do what Zeus said so she told Odysseus he was free to go home. He can't believe it but she re-assures him and helps him build a boat to continue on his nostos. When it's done he goes off sailing home but after a while Poseidon the god of the sea spots him and forms a storm which tears apart his boat and leaves Odysseus floating on a plank. (Poseidon was still mad at him for injuring his son the cyclops). Odysseus is really pissed off and heartbroken.
Poseidon: My goal is not to kill you. You must understand. Odysseus: What? What? [shouts]
Odysseus: What do you want me to understand? Poseidon: That without the gods, man is nothing.
Poseidon: My goal is not to kill you. You must understand. Odysseus: What? What? [shouts]
Odysseus: What do you want me to understand? Poseidon: That without the gods, man is nothing.
My failures reminded me of this Truth: Without God I am nothing. I have no power to change anything or anyone. I can't fix myself. I can't even do life without Him. This was a humbling reminder and at the same time really relieving. My fear was that I would fail God. That I would fail to share the stuff He gave me to share in time. I was overwhelmed and I freaked out coz I thought I was going to mess up. But that reminder put me at ease coz it reminded me I'm human. It's my nature to fail. But He reminded me that when He calls me to do something He goes with me so all I need to do is remain in His rest and it is out of His rest that I can operate -> do what He called me to without rushing it due to fear of failure (coz that leads to messy-ness) and plus that's what it's all about rest (relationship with God. Finding rest in His love) so I don't wanna get caught up with working for Him and miss out on the most important thing (resting in Him and out of that, working with Him). He also reminded me that He is God lol. He holds time in His hands (so He literally has all the time in the world haha) and He has a time and season for everything. I don't know His time schedule but I just need to trust Him in the now and know that if He has called me to something He will have enough time for me to get there and He will be molding me along the way in preparation (read the message in the photo at the beginning. Click on it if you can't read it). This gives me hope and peace and joy! :-)
“This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.” Corrie Ten Boom. ♫ Faith has made it easy to see the best thing I can do is put my trust in You. For You know better than I, You know the way. ♫
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." (Lamentations 3: 19-26) ♫ I know now, You're my Only Hope. ♫
Direction & Hope: HOMECOMING!
So after Poseidon destroys Odysseus' ship with the waves, Odysseus floats along hopelessly but then the goddess Ino gives him a protective veil and the goddess Athena watches over him as well. He floats into a river which takes him into the land of the Phaeacians. Athena then guides his entry into the land and his interactions with it's people. After Odysseus shares his story of his sad misadventures with the King and Queen of the land they give him a ship with men to take him home. Odysseus sleeps all through the journey and they drop him off at Ithica (his home) without waking up. He is finally home! but when he wakes up he doesn't recognize it because of the mist. Athena appears to him disguised as a shepherd and tells him where he is. She later revealed her identity and let him know the state of his palace-> Many suitors were waiting for Penelope (Odysseus' wife) to choose another husband but she delayed it because she had hopes for Odysseus' return but they wouldn't leave so they stayed at the palace eating all the food and getting drunk and they were planning to murder Telemachus, Odysseus' son. So Athena told him that he needed to fight them and win to reclaim his world (his home: wife, his family, his throne, his kingdom). Athena assures him that he will regain kleos (glory) at the end. But then:
"Odysseus worries that he and Telemachus won't be able to conquer so many suitors, but Athena reassures him that through the gods all things are possible. -Athena's word of encouragement to Odysseus make it sound as if victory is already assured and that she, not Odysseus, will be the decisive factor." [Sparknotes!] So Odysseus did everything she told him and he and Telemachus, with Athena's help, conquered all the suitors. He reclaimed his throne. Was re-united with his wife. Victory was achieved! But there was unrest in the land because Odysseus killed all the suitors (the finest men of Ithica) so their parents were pissed and a war was about to break out against Odysseus and his family but Athena steps in, speaks to the people, re-establishes order and restores peace. The end :) So what did I hear God say to me through that?
"Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)
I faced all my fears and they knocked me down and I felt like a failure. I was stuck in the same cycle, making the same mistakes and I was just tired. I felt like I've wasted so many years of my life living this way. When will I go back to living life full of life? Because each time I came close to that something would always happen and I'd get blown off course. I was really discouraged because I let myself get distracted but then God has been telling me, "It's not over. It's not over. I'm not done with you. I am with you and I will help you. I'll put back all the broken pieces of your life. I am making you new. I'm bringing restoration to your life. And I'm going to use you. You just need to rest though."I was restless all quarter (bouncing in and out of His rest) but He kept telling me the same thing through different ways. When I went home one weekend I was watching Maid in Manhattan and this jumped at me."What we do does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling." So yeah God was telling me that my life will not be defined by my failures because, by His grace, I will rise again. Not by my own strength (I tried that and failed harder) but by resting on His. Yeah I just need to listen to Him, keep my eyes on Him and follow Him. So yeah, pray for me peeps I'M COMING HOME and this time it's for sure. IT'S NOT OVER! (Check out this song by Astar, a Kenyan gospel rapper. It really captured how I felt)
K peace! Thanks for joining me in my journey. God's blessings on yours! I'll explain further what I mean by "home" in other posts. Oh yeah, some practicals God gave me to help me out in this Homeward vovaye are:
- To remember who I am -so I wanna journal more about my past and He gave me the idea of journaling a little bit everyday coz I usually let stuff build up then I get overwhelmed then I don't write or it turns into a rushed super-long post (I'll try that after my finals). So you can join me on my "Journey to the past" series for the story of my life lol. He told me that I need to listen to Him and believe what He says about my identity. One practical He gave me is spending less time on facebook coz that's a source of distraction from resting in Him. So yeah, I can use my free time to journal (among other things) instead of wasting it on facebook lol.
- Use my wings- He reminded me that He has given me wings so I can fly. I encounter more obstacles when walking, it's easy to get caught up in the world's perspective but I can rise above that and travel faster and more joyfully if I use my wings -seeing things from the spiritual perspective but to soar I need to rest (related posts: Free to Fly and Rest-> Soar) But I'll do both fly and walk. So if you don't get my flying posts don't worry, just wait for the walking ones and it will make more sense :)
- To remember who He is -fixing my eyes on Him by praising Him and also declaring His promises that He gives me in His Word (which is actually a weapon against the devil's confusion and discouragement). And I'm learning that giving thanks in everything and being hopeful for the future is key to joy in whatever season. K bon voyage! Till next time ;)
Oh yeah, this message isn't just for me, which is one of the reasons why I share. God told me we are going into a HOMECOMING SEASON. God is our Healer, Redeemer and Restorer. He has brought us this far by His grace and mercy but He's not done with us. He has so much more in store for us! And we are going to see His Glory soon! Yay! =) (Related post: Sow in Tears -> Reap in Joy). So yeah, let's cooperate with Him by returning to Him, finding rest in Him. I'm re-learning to do this (resting/ being still/waiting on God) so going through my past posts has been helpful and I'll have another post about that too (called Wait).
"Return to your rest, O my soul, For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you." (Psalm 116:7)
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."(Exodus 14:14)
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10) K, peace! Let's Let go and Let God :-)
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Update: 4/9/2013
So I mentioned in this post that God told me that I had learnt to love but there was actually more for me to learn. At that point I had learnt Tough Love- Telling the Truth to those you Love but after that point God wanted to teach me Loving when it's tough (as I said in the LOVE ME post) and I'm still learning that... it's hard coz to learn how to love like Jesus requires that I die to myself... and yeah I'm still in the process of dying... I'm letting go... Jesus take over!
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