Just BE

Why do I have to complicate things

When all You want from me

is ME

And all You want me to do

is BE

Wow it took me more than a week to finally write this, let's see how much I'll remember... So last week on Monday I went to catch up with my friend Jessica (we were housemates last year). She invited me over for breakfast =) As she prepared breakfast she asked me how I was doing and how InterVarsity was going. Since we hadn't seen each other for a long time I ranted for quite a bit and updated her on the stuff that was still fresh and heavy on my heart (the stuff from my last post). However, at the end of my rantings, it remained just that, fresh and heavy on my heart :(

When it reached that point of a dialogue when one person closes their mouth and the other one speaks, there was a dramatic shift in the atmosphere. When Jessica had heard enough of my rantings she started sharing how she was doing.... and her story was quite the opposite of mine. ..Flashback!...When we were housemates we were both in the same spiritual season, a dry one! So we would always share and pray for each other a lot (sometimes till 3am! LOL)... Back to the story...But as she spoke it was evident that she was no longer in that dry season. God had brought her through that and into a new season. He brought her to rest.

She told me how she had asked God what she could do to delight herself in Him and He told her just to be herself and do what she likes to do because what pleases Him is that she is His daughter. She went on and told me how she did just that. She took up a sport she liked, she started playing an instrument, she hang out more with her housemates who were international students, ....She was herself and she had fun. It was not only freeing but also rewarding. As she spoke I could hear and see joy radiating from her voice and her countenance. She also told me that through that (being herself and doing what she liked) she made friends and got many opportunities to share her faith ("in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity" - 1 Timothy 4:12). And most times it would just flow in conversations because they could see that there was something different about her. And she still had Christian community and accountability in her life. She was also doing better in school. She told me that she now feels like she's walking by the Spirit which brings so much freedom, rest and joy (among other fruit).

As she kept sharing, life and light was spewing forth and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes for various reasons. First, because what she had was what I needed- that joy and peace, that rest. Second, because I had that rest once upon a time and it brought back loads of memories. Third, because I was convicted that I was concealing my brokenness.

Anyway, back to the main story... as Jessica was simply sharing her life with me, she was actually ministering to me. I could feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart and tears welling up. I wanted to leave right then before the tears fell but I stayed put as they balanced in my eyes. It was raining. We prayed together. I prayed first as Jessica strum her guitar. The two songs we sung together hit my heart like missiles and exploded and I no longer had the power to hold back the tears. They rolled down my cheeks (well, halfway. before I quickly wiped them off lol) as the rain pattered down the streets, as Jessica strum away, and as we sung "...And I just wanna be where you are"...."I'm a lover of your presence" :'''(

I just felt God saying to me that all He wants from me is ME. He just wants to be with me. And I really want that too but I feel like I've been striving to get there. But He doesn't require me to do anything special, He just wants me as I am. He just wants me to BE a lover of His presence, "for I was made for love."

" The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:17)

Lord, help me to rest. Help me to fix my eyes on you and just be with you, just be who I am, who you created me to be. Help me surrender my broken heart to you.

Thank you Jessica!!! ♥ May God keep shining His light through you. ☺

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Update (2/2/12): The devil's been trying to confuse me and discourage me from sharing what God's been teaching me based on people's reactions. The devil wants me to take my focus off God and to focus on myself and trying to please the world- he's tried that before and I fell for it. But I'm not falling for that anymore. God's been reassuring me that He is speaking to me in different ways and He wants me to be myself and share my life with others. So freeing. So simple :) He set me Free to Be Me =)