Hello facebook friends, so I'm about to disclose some urgent mind-blowing information with you but before I do anymore expose's I'll begin by exposing myself. So here's my life: I was born. In some type of bubble wrap. That kept me safe and sound From the winds and waves of this weird- wired world. ~So I'm a dreamer~ With my head stuck in the clouds I looked up and saw the Sun.Hope assured. An identity secured. God, my Father. The Holy Spirit, my guide. Jesus my savior, my friend, my all in all. Oh! but the girl had a hidden flaw. You see, the young child heard the sound of the soap Opera and by giving it attention it pierced through the some of the bubbles she was wrapped in Infecting her thoughts with lust. ~I'm a dreamer~ But those infected thoughts became my frienemies. My secret occasional sin locked up behind a door. The Key: Boredom.-An idle mind, the devil's workshop- And oh! the world didn't stop there It was determined to burst all the bubbles that wrapped me up and kept me afloat.The winds blew from all around me I took my eyes off the Sun and I heard the worldly wind howling louder and louder: change! Change! CHANGE!For some reason it had a huge problem with me being me and it wanted to suck me into the flow of the world. With pressure rising from every side, my eyes off the Sun,roving around wildly trying to keep up with the chanting thorns of accusation and the howling wind of conformity. I gave in. I cha-cha-changed!:( Hello fear of man (social phobia), hello fear of rejection, hello depression. My bubbles burst, the ones remaining could not keep me afloat. My head, now not in the clouds, but hung down. My eyes, now not on the Sun, but on the hard ground. Hello stress, hello worry, hello regret. Be my best friends. My new identity: insecure. My real identity suppressed. Relationships with family and friends regressed. Regret and depression progressed.I was oppressed. the sad cycle continued. Coming to America didn't help either as the winds here blow much harder, and the thorns charge much faster and penetrate much deeper. Inferiority and Insecurity became a part of me and continued to be the key to my demise.
Just Let Go and Let God. Let Love Flow :)
(This is "quick" testimony is taking longer than I wanted lol so I'll just copy and paste parts of a message I sent to my friend. Different style, same message) In America sex and porn is pretty much everywhere you look (ok I exaggerated ... just a little bit) But seriously? even in my classes? No, not sexual reproduction. Sociology!? Healthy eating class!?? So yeah,I was really insecure in my identity then I stumbled into porn. So curiosity and hopeless blah-ness partnered with my frienemy lust who had been sleeping behind the door but all the stimulation all around kept waking him up. I would have been able to resist before but I was weak since I was insecure (all my protective bubbles had burst). So when I got to that point I was like "WOw seriously Charlene? really? I don't even know who you are anymore." I was ashamed at far I had fallen, how much I wasn't myself and how my relationship with God wasn't good. At this point I was flat on my face. I couldn't go any lower than that. I had had it.So change needed to happen somehow. So I wanted change but I was also preventing myself from getting it. Each time I would go to church I would feel God telling me to just surrender->give up and He'll take over from there. It seemed too easy. I was trying to understand His grace: "I ran so far away from You and You'll take me back just like that?" So I was trying to understand His grace instead of just receiving it. Another reason that kept me from surrendering is: I had grown complacent with that life- not being myself- and so the Charlene that my friends got to know was not who I really am, who I fully am. And what would they think if I changed all of a sudden? So yeah, I still cared too much what people thought about me. Then last year I was a complete mess: I wasn't doing well spiritually (my relationship with God), relationally (relationship with myself, family and friends) and academically (I was failing classes all over the place). So I was like, "Ok God, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep this up. So I'm ready to surrender." Then came my experience at the leader's retreat with InterVarsity (post: Hello Africans). I let go and God stepped in. I lifted my head and looked at the Sun and He set me free from all that junk (lust, fear, depression) then He gave me power to resist temptation. And He also gave me His love, joy,peace, wisdom and all that good stuff. I got REVIVED!!! God is LOVE. That's what our souls crave And He really does satisfy!!!" His Love captured me =)
K, moral of the story: let's just admit it, we are wack but God is good and has unconditional love for us. Let's return to Him and receive His Love. Yeah that's my story but He is not done working on me but I'm just so happy with what He has done for me so far that's why I wanna go tell it on the mountain! Jesus said, "Freely you have received, freely give." I didn't earn the freedom Jesus gave me but the level of freedom He gives me is the level that I want to share with others.
Surrender = Freedom! =)♫ What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus; What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.Oh! precious is the flow That makes me white as snow;No other fount I know,Nothing but the blood of Jesus.♫Friends, don't delay like I did just accept God's grace NOW! He'll take you as you are but His Love won't leave you the same. His Love will set you free from all your chains! All your shame and all your fears! God is soo good! Let's just Praise Him!=)
I surrender my all to You Jesus! My heart, my mind, my soul belongs to You! =)
No more shakles! No more chains! No more bondage! I am free! I am FREE! =)
That's why I praise Him! He is the reason I sing and dance haha :) This was my experience at The Real Conference last fall. Sorry it's shaky. I couldn't help but dance lol =)
I'll share more of my stories later coz I learnt a lot from my failures. Nothing is wasted in the hands of the redeemer! :) (Related posts: Taste and See,Grace, I have a Father, Pimp my ride and you can also watch this clip -> Freedom- he talks about the two roots of all sin are the spirit of inferiority and spirit of insecurity and he shares his amazing testimony of how God delivered him from his lifestyle of addictions) Blessings! Love, Charlene :)
I ran into this really cool testimony. Check it out! :)
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