Stories :)

"Why do we tell stories- who are they for? Do we tell them for us- for healing? or for audiences - seeking their involvement?" (~Ralph Armbruster-sandoval, Racism in American History class)

That quote is from a class I audited in the summer which was really cool! The professor is great and the material is super- relevant and timely and he provided a space for students to interact with the material and share their personal stories and emotions which was so powerful like nothing I've ever seen take place in a college classroom. Anyway, the quote was eye-opening because after the Spring is when I broke down when it came to blogging (sharing my own stories and emotions.  My own words, not just copying and pasting other people's words and song lyrics or re-posting old blog posts which is what I've been doing ever since then). ♫ You might be wondering... why do I limp? I fought a war and it gave me this...I may be down but look in my eyes, I've got a light that's ready to Shine! ♫ So yeah I'm in the process of a revival... I've been dormant and holding myself back but all these reasons and things keep coming at me about why I should keep writing, one of them being God Himself. So feel free to join me as I walk through the various reasons why I should write and why you should consider writing ;) (oh and they are not in order of importance but be sure to check out the last section: A Whole New World) =)

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Why Write?

1. For Freedom and Healing:  Writing is a really powerful healing instrument for me. Most times it is remaining silent that is depressing and enslaving to my self and the act of writing down my thoughts and feelings doesn't just soothe but it cures, it frees! I like to call it "Freedom by expression." Check out my very first two blog posts (they are super short I promise! So take a quick read and then come back to this :) So you see words have creative power as in you can change not just your mentality but you can also create your future through your words. I'm not talking New Age stuff (shindwe! lol) this is a principle right out of the Bible. Remember in Genesis when God said "Let there be light" and then there was light? Yup that's the principle. Cool thing! Those first two blogposts I wrote to myself actually came to pass a few months after in the experience I described in the Hello Africans... post. I won't go deeper into explainging that principle but if you want you can check out this really cool and informative youtube video by Dr. Cindy Trimm, Commanding your morning.
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2. For Vulnerability - Another thing, why did I chose to blog? Why not just keep a journal? In my "Remember" post I mentioned: "I choose to journal since writing is therapeutic for me and I choose to blog because it's the only way I can get myself to journal consistently since I'm not just doing it for myself, other people may also benefit from it." I'm one of those people who cares about other people sometimes more than myself so when I'd slack off on journaling I wouldn't feel so bad coz I was the only one being affected -I know that's not the right mentality but having a blog was kinda like a solution to keep me accountable to myself while still fulfilling my desire to help others. But isn't it embarrasing to show your true thoughts and emotions to the public? Well for me it's something that I need to do. Blogging really helps me be more vulnerable (which is actually a strength I seek after) since letting out my stories online makes it a bit easier to talk about coz it's already out there. 

This past Fall I was looking through the "Start Something" book by Tiger Woods which I received for free while I was part of the Tiger Woods Learning Center while in high school, and I got lots of affirming words, encouragement to keep on sharing my stories and not hiding my emotions while I'm at it.

"Letting those emotions out proves that you're confident enough to be honest about how you feel, that you have the power to release your feelings instead if keeping them locked inside like a nasty secret... Crying makes you flexible, lets you bend without breaking. It releases tension and gives you a fresh perspective on what's really important to you. Learn to let it go. You'll never regret it... The best advice I ever got was from my dad, and it wasn't about golf: Always be yourself." - Tiger (Start Something, p.39-40)

"Open Up. It's scary to share our feelings with others. After all, who wants to admit when we're sad, or angry, or jealous, or scared? It seems easier to keep those feelings safely locked inside, secret and private, so no one will think we're weak or immature. But what if sharing those feelings make things better? Your friends might feel exactly as you do, but if nobody talks about it, nobody wins. So take the first step. By showing that you're confident enough to open up and admit your feelings, you give others the power to do the same. Now you can begin to share ideas about how people handle their lives, and you can learn and grow from their experiences, just as they can benefit from yours. You're not alone in this world. Share yourself with others. "My father has always taught me that there are only two things in life that you have to do. You have to share and you have to care."~ Tiger (Start Something, p.78-79)

“There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.” - Carl Jun. // “I have a duty to speak the truth as I see it and share not just my triumphs, not just the things that felt good, but the pain, the intense, often unmitigated pain. It is important to share how I know survival is survival and not just a walk through the rain.” ― Audre Lorde.

God also reminded me the importance of transparency in this excerpt of the "Pimp My Ride" post: " He tells you that He is not yet done. He starts to scrap off the dark tint on your windows but you interject, "That too! But my great grandmama and everyone before that always had dark tinted windows. It makes us look cool and it keeps people from snooping in our business." He lets you know that it's not your business to begin with  (It's His business. You His masterpiece in the making) and that you need to be transparent so that the love He put in you could shine through to others and so that they could see how much interior work He has done so that they too could let Jesus in to pimp their ride (yep it's all about Him). He further explains that that dark tint was a product from The Oppressor & Co. they were selling it as "cool" yet they intended it to blind people from seeing the Light that was shining out of Jesus directly from Him or from other cars."
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3. For Self - Creation - All these points I'm making are connected btw. So during the summer for my "Obama Phenomenon" Black Studies class we were meant to read several books about Obama ("Dreams from my father" and "The Audacity of Hope") as well as other figures such as Frederick Douglas (his book, "My bondage and My Freedom"). I'm not a reader, unfortunately I lack the stillness to read through stuff these days :/ I used to read more when I was younger though. So I was scheming through the books when studying for my exams I sighed, "Ah! So this is why God had been telling me to write down my life stories." I had introduced my "Journey to the Past" series in the Remember post but I never really followed through and I still have to get to that. God kept telling me to though but I was pre-occupied with defending my self against labels that society had projected on me instead of simply sharing my story and therefore defining myself for myself, creating myself. Writing helps you to face your strength and weakenesses, to develop your strengths and do work on your weak areas. Here are some notes I took from my readings (sorry forgot to include the citations):

"Malcom did invent himself as a black man more than once; there is much to learn in that, including the fact that self-creation may need to be repeated."// "Obama’s desire for “repeated acts of self-creation,” including writerly acts of self-creation, must be understood in terms of how the created self attaches to community, and is in a real sense fully created through that attachment."

When these legendary people wrote about themselves they were "nobodies" they were not doing it due to popular demand, they were doing it for themselves but with their eyes fixed on who they were becoming. I remember Professor Madison mentioned that it was amazing that Obama wrote an autobiography before people even knew about it him, it was like he knew he was going to be somebody someday. For me thinking about the final product /seeing the bigger picture of my identity and calling freaks me out so God has just been reminding me to stay faithful to the process coz He is the one who is molding me as I submit to His will and His ways. 

♫ I don't rush me. I'm a work of art. I'll take my time right from the start. Usiniharakishe. I'm like a building. Starting from the foundations then Rising!... I'm a work in progress, a work of art. I dare not digress, I gotta play my part. Just like wine I'm gonna take my time. Realign, Redefine, Redesign. Don't worry darling I'm gonna be fine... Like a painter with her brush, like a potter with his clay,... I aint rushing so don't rush me. I'm a work in progress, a work of art. ♫

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4. For Audiences: So yeah, I started this blog for me... processing my life with the only other person who's always with me all the time, Jesus, but then along the way I started using it for something else as well... for audiences. For example, the Hello Africans... post which is a story I wanted to share with all my friends back in Kenya. Originally I used to write facebook notes- remember those?- yeah they still exist but since I started the blog I thought it'd be best to centralize my writing. Then along came another target audience which you've probably heard a lot about if you've been following my blog, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at UCSB. If you've noticed looking at my blog statistics there was big boom in 2011 and it's connected to the story I shared in the Hello Africans post - I had this experience with God's Spirit where He set me free to be me again, He gave me back my voice and I started using it. It wasn't welcomed on the InterVarsity fb page so God told me to use my blog instead so yeah that happened. God gave me a tough job to do, He told me to speak the Truth, shed light to areas in our fellowship that were hindering love, which is hard to do because I knew how it would be received. No hard feelings though! I'm aware of all the spiritual warfare going on that year. Please don't get me wrong. Just stating history. Here's some Scripture He gave me that year. What He told me to do was painful to do but I knew the bigger picture and I wanted to obey Him --though I've also failed Him lots of times.

"Go now, write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness. For these are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the Lord’s instruction. They say to the seers, “See no more visions!” and to the prophets, “Give us no more visions of what is right! Tell us pleasant things, prophesy illusions. Leave this way, get off this path, and stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel!” -<3-> Isaiah 30: 8-11-<3->

"You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious. But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you.” And he said to me, “Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the people of Israel.” So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. Then I looked, and I saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll, which he unrolled before me. On both sides of it were written words of lament and mourning and woe. Then he said to me, “Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.” So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth. He then said to me: “Son of man, go now to the people of Israel and speak my words to them."(Ezekiel 2: 7-10 -3:1-4)

So you see as I write and create things God would reveal things to me and speak through me and it makes sense why this would happen because He is present with me as I am writing and He is THE Creator so He likes being involved with such creative projects ;) And if you think about it the writers of The Bible were humans like us but they wrote under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. So creating and writing can activate the prophetic -and prophecy's not all about giving correction and exposing division, but also giving hope and encouragement, painting a picture of the future :)

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5. For Reconciliation: Last Spring I went to watch a one-woman show by Fanshen was awesome.

Her parents named her after a book about the Chinese Revolution. Fanshen means "to turn the body over," also "to enter into a new world." She's currently living out her name (changing the world) through what she does: "abolishing the notion of 'race' and the effects of racism through multimedia story-telling." But why did she even start doing what she's doing? "My father and I had been estranged for seven years, so I wrote One Drop of Love to force myself to at least attempt a reconciliation with him. The outcome has been amazing and our new relationship has changed the trajectory of both our lives." -Fanshen.

So public expressions such as plays, videos and blogging can be used as a tool for reconciliation. And this became my main goal for a long time especially when it came to InterVarsity but after a while it was hurting and disillusioning to hear that people in my intended audience did not even care to read what I wrote. But I still kept sharing but it looked like nothing was changing while I was just wasting my time talking to myself on my blog so I decided to stop and look for other ways to reconcile... But something I learnt is that love doesn't insist on it's own way and that I don't need to change who I am to try and reconcile. Anyway the message is, if you're trying to use your art for reconciliation just keep at it, give your love by all means whether or not it's being received because Love never fails. Love conquers all. And you don't need to give up on your strengths in order to focus all your energy on your weakness, which is what I did coz at the end of the day, if you don't succeed you'll be burnt out,  and all weakness. Also if you're doing it for audiences, be open to reach everyone not just the intended audience. Writing can be a way to serve, some people count it as a spiritual gift, so it's not in vain. Don't be driven by how many likes and comments you get, just focus on the quality, giving your heart through writing and creating.

♫ Till we find our place, on the path unwinding. In the circle, the circle of life. ♫

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6. For Africa - In the Fall one of my friends shared the video below, it's by a Kenyan now living in the states and it was awakening me... to the need to be me... the need to create, sing, live. I need to live. Also it's important to share my story for myself because, "Until the lions have their own historians, the history of the hunt will always glorify the hunter."- Chinua Achebe. It's time for Africa to Rise Up. It's been really cool to see people starting blogs and this was posted on the Black Student Union page the other day:

Dear All, Are you interested in journalism, photography, blogging, poetry, writing, and or/editing? Do you want to gain experience working on a newsletter or have an avenue to publish your work? The Black Student Union will be creating a newsletter to centralize the experiences of African American/Black students at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Since there has been a narrative of anti-blackness in the news recently with the tragic killings of teens Trayvon Martin and Renisha McBride, the recent hate crime against a Black student at San Jose State University, and the numerous acts of racism in Santa Barbara through forms of cultural appropriation, racially themed parties, and micro-aggression's; the Black Student Union is using the newsletter as a medium to create our own counter-narrative which will display Black people in a more positive light and dismantle negative stereotypes. The goal of the newsletter is to showcase the real experiences, culture, and identity of Black students through our writing, poetry, artwork, and the multiple other talents students have. The newsletter will be printed and distributed quarterly, and our supplemental Word Press online journal and blog will be updated monthly. **The Word Press will also include a section for blogs, so if you currently have a blog or are interested in creating one, this will be a great way to broaden your audience and legitimize your emotions through writing. We want the newsletter to be as transparent as possible, and include ideas and content of all students who wish to be involved, including the naming of the newsletter. If you wish to join the newsletter team, which will work on choosing the content of the newsletter, editing and layouts please contact Kashira Ayers. If you do not want to be directly involved in the process of creating the newsletter, but would like to submit articles, short stories, poetry, pictures, and other things that you think should be included please submit this to blackpress.ucsb@gmail.com by January 5, 2014.  This gives you the Winter Break to write freely without the stress of writing papers for class or studying for exams. To help inspire ideas, we've included a list of possible themes for writings in the newsletter but don't let these limit you. You have complete freedom of creating a unique piece to showcase your experience as a Black student at UCSB.

-What it means to be a Black Student at UCSB

-Black Culture

-Black Hair

-Opinions about Current Events

-Book Reviews (a review about a great book you've read over the break)

-The current condition of Black people in America

-Living on the Black Scholars Hall.. What are your opinions of it?

-Poetry and Short stories about your identity

-Mental Health articles/pieces

-Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday

-Holiday Celebrations: Christmas, Kwanza, etc.

-Cultural Appropriation

-Black community around UCSB

-Black Studies Major and post grad careers

***Also, this is not a competition. We will try our best to ensure that all work gets publicized in some form or another. Again, if you want to submit your work to the newsletter, please do so by January 5, 2014. There will be a meeting on Friday January 10, 2014 at 2pm. Location TBA, to discuss the name submission, content, layout, and distribution of the newsletter. Contact Kashira if you have any questions/concerns. Have a great Winter Break! (Looks like Africa is singing a New song! posts: REAL Identity, Africa ARISE!)

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7. To Create a Whole New World!

This school year (falls in the Hebrew year) I have been bombarded with confirmation that this is a year of change. God has been speaking to me through literal visions, everywhere I look. Like this picture on the side and the video below was one of those youtube ads: "... CREATE. Welcome to an amazing new world of things you can do with your hands."

Times are changing and we are the generation who will usher in a whole new world and the time has come.

THIS IS A WAR CRY! A CALL FROM THE CREATOR: LISTEN. CREATE. WRITE. SPEAK. PAINT. DRAW. SING. DANCE. LIVE. LOVE. BE! =)

Why is this call so urgent ? And why is it a war cry?? Like I said the time's are changing and it's time for us to redefine and realign ourselves with the creator of the universe and the destiny and calling He has on our lives for such a time as this. The world's changing. The darkness is getting even darker and it is our duty to let the light of God within us shine even brighter. Our gifts and talents are powerful weapons against the powers of darkness of this present evil age that is out to oppress us and divide us. We need to use our God-given talents to spread Truth, create peace, love and unity. Yes this is the Revolution! (<-warning, that post is really intense. I'll break it down later). The kingdoms are about to go head to head (post: The Kingdoms). There's even war between the Sciences and Humanities & The Arts... Don't get me wrong I love science but it's only when we turn to science as our salvation that is wrong... more like wicked, you have no clue what science and technology is being used to create! (post: The Beast and the Big boys) You may think those revealations are crazy but creative power can be dangerous, just depends on what we're using it for, more like who we're using it for. K anyway, Yeshua, the King of Glory, is inviting us to an adventure, to share this whole new world with Him. Sing out your freedom! Sing a new song! It's time! Rise and Shine! =)

(P.S: If you don't know what I'm talking about in the 'crazy' posts I've shared you can start at: Beauty & the Beast: Prologue for explanation. Also feel free to ask questions and share comments :)