So anyway, after I packed my bags Yvonne (my big sis) gave me a ride to the train station... and I must say... this time around my decision to return to SB was met with more opposition than ever before - opposition from my family- and I understand why... My sisters have sacrificed a lot to provide for our family even though they now have families of their own... Flo especially has sacrificed so much to the point that her health was affected. Me, on the otherhand, God gave me this scholarship to come to college and since I am done with my major my sisters want me to go back home, find a job and start taking care of bills so that me, Olivia and my mum can have our own apartment. "Don't you wanna help mum?... Don't you think it's your responsibility to help the family?" my sisters asked me. It was hard hearing this because I do want to help my family, and I had opportunities in the past where I could have helped them while helping myself (paid internships and jobs in the medical field that I let slip through my fingers since I got distracted with my own issues - I was busy being depressed and doubting myself).
Those are questions that came up all through Winter break and also as Yvonne was escorting me to the train. And they were a real concern- it seemed like I didn't care about my family, or that I cared about Santa Barbara more than my own family. Those questions made me want to cry and in the train I did. I was not crying because the observation was correct (coz I do care about my family, I just also care about many more people) but because I know the solution, how to cross over to "the promised land" but I've been holding myself back hence holding all my beloved ones back with me for so many years. I was also crying because my family loves me and I have a home as well as a place to live. Unlike SB where I don't have a place to live (#couch-surfing status) and I have also continuously failed to make it my home :( Though my past failures (and how they affect my family) made me sad, I just could not pull the plug on Santa Barbara though it was the logical thing to do... coz though I failed time and time again, God's grace carried me this far and I can't just bail out on the best part... Seeing God fulfill the promises He has for me after I give my all. So anyway I packed my bags got on the train got to SB. And when I looked up, the moon was smiling at me as if to welcome me back :) (Check out this song by Diana Nduba, she was in my high school in Kenya) #ByeAgainFamily #HelloSB #ReclaimThePrize #EyestotheSkies #ACallforLoveNsolidarity #ItsTime =) ♫ I'm not giving up this time. I can't stand to lose what's mine. Not giving up ♫
♫ There's so much inside of me so I'm running! running through the storm! ♫
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THE RETURN TO SB
Sometime during my train ride to SB my mum called me and something she said really gripped me, she said, "You never know, maybe God will give us a house in Santa Barbara." (If you wanna read more about my family's situation you can go to the "Dear Families" blogpost... but yeah some friends of mine had prophesied that we would move out of our apt and also that God would give us a house... we moved out but don't yet have a house of our own). That stuck out to me because there was a point that I had thought the same thing... I think it was after I watched Dr. Cindy Trimm's testimony of what God did for her family in the video: Commanding your morning.
But anyway, I kept that at the back of mind but it kept coming up as God gave me more confirmation. He was reassuring me that I was right where He wanted me at this time and that: ♫ I'll make this place your home. ♫ I kept running into music about "home" like the one below. And yeah everything started making more sense, God kept sending me out here to SB so that I could have a home here (make it my home) before He gave us a house here... But it's not just about my family... there's a post in my drafts titled, "This Time for Africa!" where I shared some of the revelations God gave me while I was here in the fall.
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Sing Out Your Freedom! Promised Land!! =D
The classes I was planning to take this quarter are: Intro to African Studies with Akudinobi (that's the one I need for my minor), the Civil Rights Movement with Johnson, Black Diaspora Cinema, SWAPA (Spoken Word Art Performance Activism) and Housing, Inheritance, Race with Lipsitz. I don't know if you see what I see but from just the titles it should remind you of my Prison Break post. It's time for FREEDOM! from all chains of oppression and it's time for RESTORATION of what was stolen and all years that the locust ate up. BUT there are huge giants roaming around in our promised land but if we focus on them they intimidate us and when we try to fight them with our own strength we have a few victories here and there but the struggle continues and it wears us out and keeps us restless... BUT when we focus on OUR GOD we realize that He is GREATER than any giant that is keeping us from our destiny, we also see the BIGGER PICTURE - that God had a PURPOSE for even our pain, He has a way of turning what the devil (or others) meant for evil for our good.
I have had some really tough and depressing times at SB but when I looked to God He showed me the bigger picture and filled me with HOPE. That's why I'm still here. I am yet to share with all of you the big picture (my observations from last year) but it's basically the story of Joseph and his brothers. It's a season for breakthrough and shifting, favor and promotion! =) But to get there we need to FIGHT! those giants. How?
- Forgive and Love - Let go of the pain from the past. The only way to do this is through looking at Jesus and letting the Father fill us with His unconditional love, mercy and grace.
- Express your freedom to receive it - We are not fighting against flesh and blood, it's spiritual WAR and we need to fight with all the right weapons if we want to see VICTORY. We need GOD to fight for us so we need to partner with Him coz He wants to give us what we want. So let's ask Him (pray), let's praise Him (sing and dance), let's speak life into our situations (speak, write, draw, paint). God gave us the power to overcome the schemes of the enemy. It's time for FREEDOM so we need to SING IT OUT! Then watch! As the praises go up, the blessings come down! IT'S TIME! :D God will show us His POWER just like in the days of old so let's FAITH it till we make it to the Promised Land. Sing! =D (Check out this video I made a few years back, some of the promises God gave me... I'm waiting for the RAIN. So I'll sing! :-)
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ONE LOVE: A Night of UNITY! =)
After "The Dream of a King" event in the summer, I kinda gave up... well I gave up before the event. I just wanted to get over with the event and finally get out of Santa Barbara. I was tired. So my focus wasn't doing God's will or laying down my life for others. At the event I knew that God wanted me to speak but I cancelled the talk. And I knew I was disobeying God and so I felt terrible after the event. After that I wasn't planning to do any more events... But then in the Fall, when I walked by faith things started lining up... and God placed me in the path of people who had the same vision that I did and we started planning One Love... I haven't publicized it as much as I would have wanted to,... but I am expecting Great things... since God is the one behind this event.... not me striving... I know I've failed on my part but God's been showing me that He still stays faithful to His promise.... so whoever shows up or doesn't show up, I'm withholding nothing this time... I just wanna yield myself to however God wants to us me, I just wanna do His will so Lord I pray that Your Kingdom comes and Your will to be done. Thank You for your mercy and grace =)
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