The Fall

Depression vs. FREEDOM!!

♫ I was down in a valley,

In a deep, dark cave.

No one could have helped me

When they saw me lonely there.

There was a big rock rolling

Just about to crash me.

A Mighty Hand just appeared 

and it saved my soul.

One thing I know

Is a Savior of mine.

I'll make Him known

To the others in the dark

Oh Christ my Lord

Never leave me alone

I'll praise Your Name

HalleluYah Amen. ♫

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Fall quarter (2012) was one of my darkest times but even in the loneliness God never forsook me; in the darkness the light of His love shone through and resurrected me from my bed of hopelessness and condemnation. God wanted that time to be a time of preparation, revelation and intimacy-- all found when looking to Him and resting in Him-> I wasn't doing that most of the time - I was striving and failing-- but God never gave up on me. I'm yet to share all He told me that quarter that excited me and broke my heart at the same time and set me ablaze going into Winter quarter.
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"Here we are back in the desert"

So Fall Quarter 2012 was right after the summer that  I was forced to expose all the drama that had been happening in the fellowship -InterVarsity (like God had told me at the very beginning) to everyone (which I did through my blog since we were not all together) then I came back to school... actually right before I came back I prepared people for my return through The Stinkbug post. But when I came back Fall became quite a depressing quarter. Even though I had exposed how I felt and what I went through and what others went through as well -what God told me to share- it was like it made no difference at all; like no one cared at all. No one reached out to me to see how I was doing and even though they knew what was keeping me from attending Intervarsity events like Common Ground, my absence didn't seem to make a difference. It was sad thinking about this. I wrote more posts but still no difference (for example the Dear InterVarsity family post I wrote in October which got me blocked from the InterVarsity facebook wall). I decided to be more proactive and invited people over,... "Maybe they are too scared to initiate for some reason, I thought." But still no one got back to me. This made me quite restless (distracted me from resting in God) but when I stopped focussing on what I did not have and who was not there for me I was forced to face the One who was always there for me and never left my side, God, and it was then that I begun to see what I had.

God filled me with His joy and peace and it's then that I'd want to reach out to others to share my life with them. I tried reaching out to some people but only a couple of people wanted to meet with me. I'll talk about those experiences later.

Looking to God filled me with His goodness and love and He started giving me revelation once again about the near future like the Human Again and Revolution posts. These revelations were quite intense, had an urgency to them and also convicting. They were convicting because they woke me up to the bigger picture, the times that we are living in because in such times (endtimes) stuff's changing and stuff's gonna happen and all that matters at the end of the day is LOVE. Did I love those around me? It wasn't about who was loving me and reaching out to me. It was about who I was loving and reaching out to. This totally changed my perspective and broke my heart because I realized that I had isolated myself  from everyone. It was then that I realized what I have to give (post: What's your name?) then Winter was application time!