Dear InterVarsity Family,

(I was going to post this on the InterVarsity wall mid-Spring, I tried to but I wasn't able to for some weird reason...idk. So it's been in my drafts ever since then but now I felt like sharing it coz it's the same message that God has given me to share again)

Hey family :) As you may have noticed, we are a multi-ethnic fellowship. And for racial reconciliation (unity) to happen God wants us to share our lives with each other, that includes how we worship Him. And that means we have to lead each other in worship and prayer. That means we have to displace ourselves (let some one else lead you in how they worship). That takes humility (trusting in God's design: we are a body,the Holy Spirit is in all of us, we are all leaders and we all need each other). So let's humble ourselves before the Lord to be better friends with Him and each other, to fellowship.

With that said there's an urgency to this season and we need to pray. I feel like Jesus is saying to us, "Rise and shine sleeping beauty! This is not the time to be asleep. Watch and pray." I would love to see more of us leading prayer meetings. So this week (today at 2, Tuesday at 4 and Wednesday at 1) I'm gonna be at Storke plaza to pray together with anyone who is free at that time. I really feel an urgency to pray. If you've never been to a prayer meeting before or you just think I'm weird lol, that's okay, come anyway, we'll start off with a time of debrief and sharing. I know I may bark pretty loudly in my writings but I don't bite (I'm gentle in person) 
so yeah lets be friends. God bless :)

Here's another one that I sent on 3/9/11 but I deleted it after I posted the other one the next day: Hey everyone :) *Unity in Prayer & Shayne.* So this quarter most people have been having a hard time spiritually (emotional rollercoasters, confusion, discouragement etc) and I realized that we didn't have any prayer meetings going on (no unity in prayer) until later on when Shayne and Lissah restarted their racial rec prayer meeting. Here's the thing there is power in praying together.
***So God put Shayne on my heart and I feel like we need to come together to wait on God and pray for her- against depression and also for Josh, for more healing. So tomorrow we are going to meet at the prayer shed at 7pm to pray and worship, to wait on God and expect Him to move.
*Also let's fast tomorrow (at least a meal). You can also fast a form of entertainment or any other distractions. I know we're all busy but let's fast time tomorrow. I'm just fed up of seeing people suffer and being afraid of doing what God tells me (1 Samuel 7:2-17, Isaiah 61:1-3, 2 Chronicles 7:14).
" For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." (1 Corinthians 4:20) ->power of the Holy Spirit inside us. 
So yeah let's get together, praise, pray and wait on God. Please. For the sake of us all =)

So yeah, God's kept giving me the same message to share throughout last year: We all need to come together and wait on Him. I shared this in The Desert post and in pretty much all the posts I've shared for the the fellowship on the iv wall or in my blog. We are going to stay in this desert season until we learn to trust in the Holy Spirit. We need to trust God to fight our battles for us instead of relying on our own understanding. He is mighty! :) We need to take God at His Word, to obey Him. He already gave us the short-cut through this desert season (and all it's drama) through Kevin at Pre-fall (Matthew 20:16a) and Casey in the Fall (1 Corinthians 12: 21-25) and He kept giving me Isaiah 43:19 from freshman year. Like I said, rather like He said in Acts 1, we need to wait on Him. And that's what God's been telling me to share with you guys from my cultural background. But each time I was about to lead you guys in that there has been spiritual warfare that has prevented that from happening. So yeah, I'm just letting you know what the solutions are (application). What God has been telling us through different people and through His Word. All I was asking for was one common ground or any other time that we can all come together. All this blogging stuff could have been avoided if I was given the chance to share what God gave me to share from  prefall. But no worries, God is our restorer! :) If you still don't understand what I'm saying that is expected coz it's better to hear it from me and not just to hear it but to experience it for yourself (letting me lead you to see what I'm saying which is the gentle approach to teaching). God wants to solve our drama (-bring freedom- Isaiah 61:1-3) so that we can be outward focussed, for the rest of Isaiah 61 to happen. He wants us to love Him with our all and to also love each other deeply and sincerely then He'll send us out to spread that love and He'll add to our numbers. It's all about Him. It's all about Love. Ok, I'll stop here coz all this is really redundant. So yeah, let me know when you're ready for this (it's just real friendship + sincere love + waiting on God => racial rec/unity) and when you're ready to give up a common ground or any other time when we can all come together (I'd say sooner rather than later but yeah it's up to you guys). And don't say it won't work until you've actually tried it. And it's ok, you don't have to believe it will happen, we all have different gifts and I guess one of mine is Faith and I believe God will come through and do what He said He will do! He is able! Let's just surrender! :D

In the meantime (and always), I wanna be your friend! and I'm also looking for friends to do life with including stuff that I like to do. So yeah, invite me into your life and you are welcome into mine :-) Like I said, I feel an urgency to pray so let me know if you wanna join me. Wisdom, Kristin and I pray together on Tuesdays at 3pm - you are welcome to join us in front of the Ucen. And yeah, let's just form a habit of praying whenever we are together. We like discussing stuff which is great, but praying about it is even greater! =) Let's PRAY for the East coast. I had seen this ->video<- that's a prophecy about destruction coming to the East Coast- a mega tsunami and I don't know if what she saw was Hurricane Sandy and there's this one ->video2<- also, a prophecy about a massive storm coming to America as a warning from God and I think it's pretty descriptive of Sandy... or something bigger? idk. And I have more stuff to share with you guys (so you can not watch those videos until I give you the context or whatever). Don't worry though, we just need to pray! (Also, I'm making mandazis and watching a really cool documentary -Father of Lights- this Saturday so come join in! Especially if your wondering what the coming revival is gonna look like. K, all the best in your midterms! Love you guys! Peace :-)

P.S: I'm sorry for not being myself and sharing my life from the beginning. I've just been listening to the voices of fear in my head for a long time. They've been telling me that people don't like me and I had to change so I changed so much until I didn't know who I was or how to act. So that was actually the devil's tactics to keep me from loving people. So I'm sorry for letting fear hold me back from loving you guys. That's a form of pride and selfishness (like I mentioned in the American Idols post) so please forgive me. So yeah, I wanna change that. I wanna love people more. I wanna share my life and be a better friend. I know some of the stuff God gives me to share is pretty heavy and mostly about spiritual warfare (the devil's schemes in systemic stuff. Nothing personal!) but it will make more sense if we are interacting as friends. And I know I'm hard to understand since I'm in transition so I forgive you for not understanding me. It's time to fight for each other together. So let's all be friends. We are family and we all need each other. And please, if you have any questions about anything please talk to me. It's been hard for me to initiate coz I thought everyone hated me, but like I said I can't listen to those voices anymore. It's time to love. Time for unity. I'll be initiating more and feel free to do the same. Love Charlene =) (Related posts: A Call for unity in the Body of Christ and Unity is brewing up)

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (Ephesians 6: 18)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7) =)

Count the Cost

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 10: 37-39) - Jesus.

I know that video and that Scripture is pretty intense. Jesus calls us to a life of full and constant surrender. But once again we can't do it with on our own strength (that's why it's called surrender lol). So let's count the cost- be aware that He wants our all. He wants us to love Him with our all, more than anything else. Let's also be aware that He has the power to make us the overcomers that we are called to be :) Related post: Love Me.

♫ I have counted the cost for the sake of knowing You.♫

Lord, I don't want to cheat on You with the world anymore. I can't go back to the way it used to be before Your Presence came and changed me. I can't compromise anymore for the sake of fitting in, to follow tradition. All I want is You Lord. You are the giver of true peace and joy. So yeah, help me to stand firm and not to compromise. I want to please You and not the world. To trust in You alone and with my all. I want more of You Jesus! I want to be holy, set apart for You alone. So yeah help me to be in the world but not of it. Take me all the way Jesus! Related post: Intimacy.

"Teach me Your way, O LORD, that I may walk in Your truth; 

unite my heart to fear Your name." ♥ Psalm 86:11 ♥

Let there be Light! ☼

View of IV from FT North tower

Heavy, dull clouds drape the sky.

Color my life     with music! ♫

The parched land helplessly yearning.

Water the fields 

  with joy! ☺

Let there be light! ☼

Let there be life! ♥

This poem was originally for myself -it was my very first post- and I'll explain what it meant to me later in detail. But when I read it again it reminded me of UCSB. So yeah UCSB I'm dedicating it to you (us) :) At prefall leaders retreat last year, Alicia shared with us visions that she got about spiritual warfare intensifying in Santa Barbara. She saw massive dark clouds heading toward SB--but they weren't actually clouds but black winged creatures (demonic creatures. Some other people got visions about those). Many people got visions about revival happening at UCSB and the staff shared with us Kathryn Khulman's prophecy in the 70's that one day a great awakening would come out of Santa Barbara and would spread to the whole world. So yeah, the Kingdom of God is coming down to this town! and it's gonna advance in power!!! Freedom!!! :D But the devil is pro-slavery so he obviously doesn't like that which is why he upped his game and sent his evil reinforcements in a bid to oppose God's plan. And the increase of darkness has been evident at UCSB. And who hasn't noticed??? We now get a bunch of alerts via text and email notifying us of all stuff that goes down: robbery, assaults, attempted rape, people with weapons in IV even guns (I remember Marissa shared a vision that there was a shooter on campus) etc... and it has become like a weekly thing now. And that's on top of what already happens during the weekends: seeing and hearing fire trucks and ambulances has become so ordinary. Yup, IV got darker and you can tell without the gift of prophecy lol. People have been talking about it on facebook ("It's endtimes in IV"-Andrea's status) so yeah, it's official lol. Also, the increase of this darkness has been evident even within the body of Christ-> division; disunity :( The prophecies of conflict in InterVarsity came to pass and resulted in disunity. So yeah, so far it seems like the devil's schemes have been working: Oppression-> further oppressing the broken and the blind and weakening the body of Christ. It all comes down to a lack of true love. And I don't know about you but I'm sick and tired of seeing this hot mess and I'm so ready for revival!! So yeah, it's time to fight against the devil's kingdom of darkness (spreads through fear) with God's Kingdom of Light (spreads through Love) post: The Kingdoms. So SB and world, let there be light! ♫ Let there be love! Let there be peace! Let there be joy! Let freedom reign! Let children sing! Crown Jesus King! ♫ :-)

 

Body of Christ at SB, let's not deceive ourselves that all we have to do is sit back, cross our arms and speak that stuff into existence. Yes, let us PRAY!!! (Everyone everywhere please pray for SB especially for this weekend since it's Halloween) and also be aware of what we are praying for. Revival starts with us. When we pray "let there be light! let there be love!" Guess what we are telling God... "God please convict my heart of anything that is not of you so that I can surrender it to You. I want less of me and more of You. Fill me up with more of your Holy Spirit (The Spirit of power, love and self-control) so that I can love You more and love others more." So yeah, it's time for change so let's be reconciled to God and to each other (Unity. acting like the body we are). Let's ask God to fill us up and send us out. I don't know the situation in other fellowships but InterVarsity's a special case since it's multi-ethnic and super-divided right now so yeah, it's time we apply this (If the application isn't clear talk to me :) And I'll share ideas of how the whole body of Christ at UCSB can be more united but first let's deal with the drama within the individual fellowships. We are children of the light. Let there be love! (To be Rooted in Love) Let there be music! (sing praise with one voice. with the spirit of unity. true worship) Let us: Prepare The Way! Watch this video I made for us. 

Let there be

Light!☼

Love!♥

Life!☺

American Idols in the Church

[Email I sent on 12/16/2011]
Hey Melissa 

So this is what I wanted to email you last week and its cool that it has to do with what you just told us to pray about: So after my meetings with Marissa, then you and then Paul, as not fun as the process of conflict resolution is, through you guys pointing out my problems (which was helpful), I was also able to see what our problems are (the fellowship's).---I think this may also be relevant to your talk this Friday as well.

Individualism- An American virtue, a Christian vice  .  A threat to community, to fellowship.  So when you and Marissa told me that people were complaining about the frequency of my posts and that it made them not even want to go to the page any more... ----> (I took the correction on my part) But from another point of view, I think that is super ridiculous to be honest. [As you know, I'm not American and I have a different point of view in life than most of you so its easy for me to see some things that are contrary to God's Word that are in your culture if they are also contrary to my African culture.] So as I was saying, I think that's really ridiculous since if you (anyone) are on facebook already, its not like you receive an email each time me or any one else posts stuff so the only thing that's irritating them is that red light (as Marissa pointed out). So people are irritated when the red light goes on because they don't wanna go to the page and hear encouragement from whoever because they are on facebook since its their free time ("me" time)   and may just want to look at people's pictures and stuff for hours on end     coz who wants to receive encouragement and teaching everyday?       (I'm not saying that facebook doesn't have its own problems as a means of fellowship [I already apologised for how I'd been using it. post: A Heart-felt Confession] , I'm saying we can learn something from the observations I made concerning the fellowship).

 --> If you don't get what I'm saying I can meet up with you and explain.

 --> People value their "me time", their individualism too much. 

(This paragraph is out of context but about the same issue and in the same email) ->So at church 2 Sundays ago, I learnt about different forms of pride. And God revealed to me that it is pride that keeps me from telling people how they hurt me- I'm usually like, "Well they should know that they've hurt me and they should be the ones to initiate and apologize." And then I suppress my hurt feelings and try to forget about it (if I'm the only one who's hurt). But God's been showing me that He wants people to be reconciled even if it means that I initiate it even though I'm the one who is hurt. So it's not about me and my feelings, it's about what God wants (it will end up working out for my good anyway + it will result in deeper fellowship and unity which God loves ).

So yeah I'm going to be vulnerable right now... well I'll try...So one of the things that I really don't like about American culture, like I mentioned before is the individualistic perspective. Ever since I moved here that's something that has really affected me and discouraged me from being myself especially because I came when I was not in a good place spiritually and I wanted a fresh start but this encountering this harsh culture (in some aspects)  just set me back even more . It just sucks that a lot of people here are not intentional about wanting to get to know you on a deep level (Coming from a culture which is more friendly, welcoming and community-oriented). So that aspect really hurt me: people treating me like I don't exist, like I'm not important, being satisfied with their own perceptions of me, judgements and stereotypes they have of me in their own minds instead of taking the initiative of wanting to actually get to know me, people telling me who they think I am and talking about what they think they know about me instead of simply asking me who I am. This happened to me within Christian circles, in InterVarsity as well, so I'm not just talking about the Americans that are "out there" in the world (although it happens to a greater extent "out there").

So that really hurts me and so to protect myself from hurting I became stubborn. "Why should I always be the one who is 'intentional' and why do I have to promote myself in order to be known among people who don't seem to really care to know me. Fine! What you seek out is what you get. If people don't want to know me, then they won't. If they are satisfied with Charlene they have in their head, then fine!" In order to have at least some friends, I've had to swallow that pride and that hurt and stick with one-sided intentionality (my side) with the hope of mutual intentionality to develop somewhere along the way. That's kinda been working out for me. {I cut out the rest of this section to stay on topic}

A prayer for me (and people in the same situation as me):  Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. 

Compartmentalization- is yet another problematic tendency of American culture. Ex. Here is my "InterVarsity" time, and over here is my "normal" life time. They should not mix. I think God wants to draw us out of that mentality. He wants to bring us into the awareness that being a Christian is not a part time job, its a permanent identity. It's not just what you do it's who you are. Fellowship is not just something you do, it's who we are. I think its easy to focus on "fellowship is what we do" and that's why I've heard some people say they wanna "take a break from Intervarsity" or they look forward to that over breaks like summer. And that's why some people who no longer choose to go on leadership stop coming to InterVarsity because they see fellowship as just something you do, so since they are not 'doing'->leading, then they don't see the purpose of staying. But with the view of "fellowship is who we are" no matter what you do, you can't escape who you are, or you shouldn't want to. God wants us to see ourselves first as His children (our identity in Him) and as brothers and sisters (our identity in each other as a result of God's connection).

--> God wants us to be in each other's lives more. We are family, His family. In the same way that we don't really get to choose our earthly family, we also don't get to choose who's in our heavenly family. He is the one who chooses us. 

"See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end." (Hebrews 3: 12-14)

Also, when you told me that I should ask God for discernment- to ask Him who exactly to share the message I feel like sharing. That's true, yes I want that kind of discernment and it would be cool if He gave me words of knowledge like that. Yes I want to grow in that and I'll keep praying for that. But through you telling me that I was also able to learn the same thing about our fellowship. If a word is shared for example, when I shared you the word about conflict resolution, when you told me that you spoke to half the leaders and they had no conflict you were implying that that word was not for the fellowship as a whole but just for specific people within the fellowship. But I want to bring in another point of view, like I said, we have to know, like really know and see ourselves  as brothers and sisters so that if we get a word like that we would first ask God to search our hearts  and reveal to us how we can apply that word to our personal lives and then we should also think, "who else do I know that needs to hear this, who is going through this situation" then go to them and share it with them    and encourage them to act on it as well. So the message is actually for the whole fellowship but its application may be different. Family takes responsibility for each other.  If we don't take on this perspective then we are actually being apathetic towards each other. Not acting like a body.

"But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it ; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." (1 Cor. 12:24-26)

If you have questions about any of that let me know.

____________________________________________________________________

Reading that now I'm like "Whoa! that was a pretty intense email" (and that's only half of it) and that's usually my reaction when I read stuff I wrote in the past ("Did i write that?" lol). You see one of my spiritual gifts (gifts of the Holy Spirit) is writing. It reminds of when Paul said, "By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away!" (2 Corinthians 10:1) So don't be afraid of me lol, that's just how the Truth comes out when I'm writing, plainly, but I'm really gentle in real life lol. (And some stuff comes out as anger but it's really hurt. Rather both. Deep concern. Angry at the situation since I really care about the people hurt -even if it's just me. Yeah I just really care. But yeah, God told me to give that up to Him and not to be afraid to initiate due to fear of rejection based on what has happened in the past. )So yeah, just felt like sharing that. Hope you get something out of it. If it's too intense for you don't worry, I'll break it down later more gently. I know the facebook stuff I mentioned is sketch, but I see things differently and learn stuff even from sketchy things lol so yeah just focus on the main message: Love :) (Oh yeah, and I don't hate America or Americans lol and Kenya has problems of it's own- don't even get me started! lol. I was just sharing lessons based on my observations. (Anyway, why am I even trying to explain myself ?? Feel free to ask questions. Let's be friends! ) Jesus' culture is the best! Lets learn about it from His Word and help each other see the Truth :-) Let's pray for ourselves (Search me) and for each other (To be rooted in Love). Here are some related posts: It's all about "Me, Myself and I" Right?!, Family Matters and Advocacy. Peace! :-)

Misfit? → REVOLUTIONARY!

WHO AM I?

WHY AM I A MISFIT?

So I asked God why I'm so crazy and weird and He told me not to worry about it. He has special plans for misfits, those who set themselves apart. I don't think I need to add lots of words to this post. The videos speak for me. They spoke to me about my identity and what I'm going through right now. Related post: Advocacy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Call of a Misfit-> Out of Slavery & Into Freedom!

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and

  do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)

Related posts: Rest and Remember

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ― Apple Inc.

Meet the powerpuff girls (me, my lil sis and niece) LOL =)

All this shall make sense soon enough. Also, I'm in transition right now, I'm not yet fully myself, which is another reason I'm weird and awkward-> for real! please pray! lol.  ♫ Welcome to the fallout. Welcome to resistance. The tension is here. Tension is here. Between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be ♫ I dare you to be a misfit. I dare you to move. Join me! lol Let's journey together =)

Confessions of a Hypochristian

I have to admit it. I have been a hypocrite (meaning #2) and I still am : / But God has been calling me out of hypocrisy, calling me out of this world. He called me out of lust when I straight up wasn't repenting (post: Freedom) and he called me out of tolerating systems of injustice (post: Advocacy). But there's more hypocrisy, more change that needs to happen. Take a listen to this powerful spoken word piece. 

God, I can't take this anymore! I can't live like this! Daily denying You! mostly by my inaction (not acting on my beliefs and feelings). AHH!!! Take this heart and form it! Take this will and conform it to Yours! May Your Love be the force that drives me to the end of me. I pray I die to myself! I pray Your Love breaks all the chains that keep me stagnant. Fill me up Lord to the point that I can't help but reek the Gospel in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. I lay me down Lord. YOU DID IT FOR ME! So who am I to hold back??! AHHHH! I lay me down Lord. Make me NEW again (yeah I know I'm new but help me walk in this newness). I'm ALL IN.

We've formed a tradition out of our hypocrisy but now is the time to break down, time to break free! No, not next quarter, not sometime in 2013 ("hopefully"), NOW!!! Laziness, complacency, fear of man and hypocrisy is not 'waiting on God'. It's time to stand up, time to rise up! It's time for the real thing =) 

"If you fear rejection then you’ll worship approval, you’ll worship man and the status quo. You’ll worship what you fear the most
. If you fear God the most you’ll worship Him." -Jacob Reeve.

"Don't wait for the move of God. Be the move of God."- Jason Lomelino.

Listen to this timely song by Alisa. They performed at The Black Church Experience in 2010. Lord, please give us the boldness to ditch hypocrisy for Your Love (loving You with our all and loving our neighbors as ourselves and hating all evil. --> True worship). In Jesus' name, Amen! =)

And on the 23rd year she rose again...

HAHAHA! =)

Me: Oh my God! I'm now 23!?! O_o
I guess it's about time I Act mature huh?
God: You got that right. Let's make this an Act-ual New year; you've been re-playing those old records for a while now.
Me: K let's do this!!! :D

"And do this (love), understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed." (Romans 13:11)


So in my Adolescent Psych class, we went over Adolescent Egocentrism, an example being "The imaginary audience": “Every time I was walking down the hall with my non- Guess jeans on and heard anyone whispering or giggling behind me, I was convinced they were laughing at me because I wasn’t wearing Guess jeans.” -20 yr old female (Arnett, 2004) That's so immature right? lol. Well it dawned on me that that was the same old trick that the devil had been using on me for a long time, he got me to think about what people might be thinking about me which would then governed my interactions with them: my action or inaction. So the past few weeks I got caught up with that but last weekend I found it liberating when I thought to myself, "People are not even thinking about you most of the time! Lol. They are busy with their own lives." And I also remembered that it was spiritual warfare -> the devil trying to get me take my eyes off Jesus hence not to be myself and to isolate me from others. That's failure defined : /

So pretty much God told me it's about time to grow up lol. To act mature. To act upon my thoughts and not to listen to the discouragement from the devil. I stopped initiating that much with people due to fear of being misunderstood and fear of rejection. But let's face it, fear is immature. To act mature is to Love. To love is to be yourself (finding your identity and security in God's love) and to initiate and share with others. Related Posts (coz I don't want to repeat myself much) God told me that I am Free to Be! Free to Fly!  and to Just Be. No more drama! lol I don't need anyone's permission to be myself and to be friends with people coz God already gave it to me. So freeing! :-)

“If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed.

If you look at God you'll be at rest.” (Corrie Ten Boom) :-)

Watch out for the foe! He is pretty sneaky and mean. Let's stay alert (eyes on Jesus) so we don't fall for the foe's schemes (including self-pity, discouragement and false humility). This is a video of my lil sis and I a few years ago LOL.

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."// "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."//"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

♥ Proverbs 23:7, Proverbs 4:23, Philippians 4:6-7 ♥

So most of my posts have been whiny repetitions. I should have re-named my blog "charlene's lamentations" lol. But now ♫ that I can see clearly now the rain is gone ♫ I think that it's dumb that I kept falling for the same schemes over and over again. And it's kinda embarassing- I don't know how you guys read this stuff lol. I sure do hope somebody out there is learning from my failures and is praying for me haha! But I've decided that failure shall no longer be the story of my life. ♫ I shall live and not die. I'll finish strong! ♫ It's a new season :D I'm gonna live actual life (life full of life)! And I'm already making progress as God strengthens me (yes, I'm even meeting new people! ) Thank You Lord for your love, grace & mercy! :)

I think this song was written for me and for now lol. Listen to the words :-)

And the rest is still unwritten... :-)

P.S: I don't know how much blogging I'll be doing. Yeah I still have a ton of stuff I haven't shared in my drafts but I'm not going to stress out about it like it's the only thing in the world that God wants me to do (the only way to share my life). I'm just going with "the flow" (of the Holy Spirit) now. Plus it's not like I write everything about my life so if you use my blog as your primary source of who Charlene is then you're missing out lol. But I'm still in the process of remembering who I am and re-programming. But yeah, we can like do life together. Peace! :)

Sow in Tears → Reap in Joy! :D

  Psalm 126

 1 When YAHWEH restored the fortunes of Zion, 

   we were like those who dreamed.

2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, 

   our tongues with songs of joy.

Then it was said among the nations, 

   “Yahweh has done great things for them.” 

3 Yahweh has done great things for us, 

   and we are filled with joy.

 4 Restore our fortunes, YAHWEH, 

   like streams in the Negev. 

5 Those who sow with tears 

   will reap with songs of joy. 

6 Those who go out weeping, 

   carrying seed to sow, 

will return with songs of joy,

   carrying sheaves with them.

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Sow in Tears? How?

To sow means "to plant seeds by scattering it on the earth." So it entails giving something away and expecting some thing back after some time.  So how can we "sow in tears"?

1. Allowing God to Prune you- God asks us to give up our whole lives in exchange for new life, life full of life! He also asks us to give up the things in our hands that we are clinging onto. We may really like those things and become so used to them that it hurts to let go of them but we have to remember that God has lots of good gifts to give us, (immeasurably more than what we could ask or imagine!) but we won't be able to receive them with clenched fists; we need to open up our hands, give up what's there and wait for God to satisfy us with His gifts. Pruning comes before promotion :)  Related post: Pruning, Search me and Taste and See.
2. Praying- God hears the prayers we pray to Him but did you know that He also sees the tears we cry out to Him? And they count like prayers! "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" (Psalm 56:8) That's so cool! Sometimes we are so hurt, angry, ashamed, discouraged... etc that we don't feel like praying to God about whatever we are going through but instead of holding in all those emotions to yourself (which will end up harming you) you can release it to God. Just Cry. I know that seems like a weakness so it is avoided (I wasn't a fan of crying either lol. I'll share a funny story with you guys later) but God designed crying as a way to release stress (listen to the song below) and our tears don't go wasted. He sees all of them and when we sow in tears we will reap with joy! :) An example in the Bible (a success story lol) is Hannah. Read 1 Samuel 1. She was barren and she was made fun of  because of that but instead of holding in her anguish she went before God and wept. God heard her prayers and saw her tears and He blessed her with a child, Samuel =)
3. Giving an offering- Another way of sowing in tears is giving to God or others even when you don't have much. It's easier to give out of your abundance but it gets harder to give out of poverty. A good example in the Bible is the story poor widow who gave to God two mites, which was all that she had (Luke 21:1-4). Such sacrifice doesn't go unnoticed to God. You can also give a sacrifice of praise- praising God even when everything is not going your way and when you don't feel like praising. Related post: Sow in the Spirit.
4. Persevering through trials - God has good plans for us and He gives us many promises but sometimes we have to go through the desert before we get to the promised land. So in the desert season we could sow in tears by being thankful for what we have and moving forward, not giving up in the face of opposition and discouragement. To keep loving, forgiving, serving, working where we are at even when it's hard. Related post: A Call to Persevere.
5. Preaching the Word of God- Sowing words of Truth, Love and Hope into the lives of others is not in vain. God says “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:10-11) So you may not see any results immediately or you may see negative results but don't be discouraged. Don't give up. Keep on sowing. God is working behind the scenes. The harvest shall come. Love never fails =)

Breakthrough is coming!!! :D Take a listen to this powerful song. I like what he said at the end, "It's a time of favor! It's a time of rain! It's a time of increase! It's a time of harvest! It's a time for reaping..."

There's a time for everything under the sun..."a time to weep, and a time to laugh; 

a time to mourn, and a time to dance"(Ecclesiastes 3: 4)

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)

"weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning" (Psalm 30:5b)

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed." (Joel 2: 25-26)

 :-)

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