Restoration :)

(Message I included at the end of my "Remember" post on 1/21/12 but I've transfered it here)

Aside: Yay! You made it to the end! Congrats! Depending on who you are and how little you know me, what you just read may seem like a breed between "The Twilight Zone" and Tyler Perry's "Diary of a mad black woman" ...not even lol. Or for those who kinda know me you might have be reaching for your phones to refer me to a counselor or shrink lol because you have concluded that I'm clinically depressed. However, I'd like to first assure you that I'm not in danger. I'm not "clinically depressed". More like, for a long time, I've been oppressed by the "prince of this world" (the devil) and found myself living according to the sorry standards of this world. This kind of oppression is mostly mental/psychological (yup, he knows the right place to attack, the mind, because it influences everything else). But there is HOPE. His name is Jesus. He is the only one who keeps me from going crazy, by His grace and mercy. And I already have a Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, and one of His job prescriptions is to "guide me into all truth." I'm not trying to downplay the benefit of Christian counseling I'm sure they are really helpful because talking about stuff is beneficial since it can help renew your mind by remembering and letting out stuff which is the same principal that applies to my writing. Expressing yourself is important in the healing process/ freedom process. But I think talking to the actual people who are involved is more beneficial for me and I have been and will keep doing more of that. (I learnt cool stuff about how renewing your mind is possible (even instantly) from a look at how our brain works. If you're interested in that you should check out the video/audio/notes on this site: Dr. Leaf)

Also as you were reading all this stuff about me exposing myself and all, that drew your attention to me obviously. But I'd like to warn you not to do the same thing I've been doing, that is, focussing on helping other people with their problems and losing sight of your own brokenness and hence not dealing with it. There is only one Healer, His name is Jesus. While on that cross they told Him, if you are who you say you are " why don't you save yourself and us." ( Luke 23:39) And that He did. He died on that cross and by the power of the Holy Spirit, God raised Him from the dead - He saved Himself and us (He conquered death!). He paid the price for our freedom. And we can receive that freedom by just believing in Him (we can't earn it).

As for us Christians, let's not confuse salvation with healing. Isaiah 61:1-3 is a Word for us. Yes we have received the "good news" and we have accepted it thus receiving the free gift of salvation and our souls are saved from hell. But many times we think that's all there is to it. But the Word tells us that we are MORE than conquerors, the Christian life isn't just about conquering the grave, escaping hell only to live a defeated life here on earth before receiving our reward in heaven. There is MORE to it. God wants to do the rest of Isaiah 61. He wants to bind up our broken hearts, comfort us, "to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair" ... and immeasurably more! (Ephesians 3:20)
He promised us rest and that applies to here and now and not just in heaven. Let us enter into His rest, He has been leading us to it, let's cooperate by giving up our burdens in order to receive what He has in store for us :-)

InterVarsity, hey! I'm not avoiding you guys because I think I'm better than you. I just needed to retreat for a bit to regain perspective. Yeah as you witnessed last quarter, I've been dissatisfied with the how things are and that came off as a war against Staff and the structure. But I'm tired and done fighting that war since Staff and structure aren't the enemy. What I am more dissatisfied with is what is lacking. With that in mind, the perspective shifts from looking at the structure as is and trying to fight it or defend it to looking at each other and looking within ourselves. I don't know about you but when I look what I see is dryness, areas of fruitlessness, strife, complacency, thirst, hopelessness. I'm obviously not talking about the entire fellowship since I don't know them. I'm talking about the leaders and if you don't see that in yourself that's great! The thing is, its not about you. We are the body of Christ, when one part suffers we are meant to suffer with them. I see my suffering and I see the suffering of others and I'm not okay with it. And its easy to compartmentalize ours lives "I'm failing in school and I lack joy most of the time. I complain and slander with others who feel the same, sometime. But as a leader I'm doing great! My Bible study is doing great! So I'll keep doing this and deal with my personal problems on the side (whenever or never lol)," that would be something I'd say. But God looks at our whole life and He wants it all. He wants to bring restoration for us to be able "to bear fruit- fruit that will last" and Jesus says, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. "(John 15)

Anyway, enough of that.... the main point is that God wants to bring revival to us. We are dry (I know I am). He wants to bring life. He wants to pour out His Spirit in a dry and thirsty land. He wants to bring streams into the desert. And we know He will. We are well aware of His part but not too well acquainted with our part. Read Matthew 9:17. Yes He wants to pour out new wine (and He will) but we must trade in our old wineskins for new ones first. That may be hard for us to let go of since we are comfortable with the old but He is doing something new and it will be sweeter! and so worth the surrender!

So yeah I'm done with fighting against flesh and blood because that's not what the battle is about. (And please, let's quit with the gossiping and put on the belt of truth. We are all on the same team here. If you have something to say to someone don't avoid and slander on the side. Confront and resolve conflict. I know staff are an easy target for slander- I know because I've participated in such aimless talk, "venting." But I've been convicted to stop that. We should be praying for each other and actively resolving conflict not back-biting each other (the devil likes such activity as it's a door wide open for him to bring division). It's time to fast and pray. Yes we are used to praying for revival for our campus but we forget about ourselves and our own brokenness. God wants to heal our broken hearts first then we can sing "break our hearts for what breaks yours" -Why should He break hearts that are already broken? He wants to heal us, to give us rest then we can operate (do ministry) within the overflow of what He gives us. So yeah keep praying for the campus but also let us pray for ourselves. Let's pray: Psalm 139: 23-24 .And this is really important. It's not a suggestion. Yes it's conditional. One choice leads to healing. The other to calamity. (Not only is He a God of Mercy but also a God of Justice) God gives us, His people, this choice to make. The choice is ours! Let's choose healing! Let us run to His seat of Mercy. He is giving us time to repent. So let's fast and pray and return to Him will all our heart.

“Even now,” declares the LORD,

“return to me with all your heart,

with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

Rend your heart

and not your garments.

Return to the LORD your God,

for he is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and abounding in love,

and he relents from sending calamity.

Who knows? He may turn and relent

and leave behind a blessing—

grain offerings and drink offerings

for the LORD your God. "

(Joel 2: 12-14)

"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."(2 Chronicles 7:14)

More practicals: I'm not saying that we should all lock ourselves in our room until we are perfect and that's when fellowship and ministry can happen. What I'm saying is let's be real with each other. No matter what part of the body you are let's be real about our brokenness. And not just to complain about it. Yes it's good that we do practice vulnerability but just talking about problems doesn't help. Let us carry each other's burdens and take them to Jesus' feet since He is the only Healer. He is our only hope. So yeah, let's not be satisfied with business as usual and making merry while lacking joy. Let's seek God for ourselves and help each other as well. I believe that God is ushering our fellowship to rest. Let's follow His leadership. It's only when we learn to follow that we can be good leaders (and I'm not just talking about the leadership team. God is doing something new, He wants to revive our hearts so that we won't see leadership as a job and not even as a prescription but as an identity. Title or no title, leaders is who we are and God wants to remind us who we are. So yeah, let's follow Him.

I "discovered" the Prayer shed on dp last quarter and it's been a great blessing. It just provides a space without distractions where you can just "Be still and know" who God is and who I am in Him. It has music and cool art stations. You should check it out on your free time by yourself or with friends. For more info: Jesus Loves IV. And if you want company let me know I'll be glad to join you!

Let's fellowship! (anywhere we're at) Let's help each other face the truth instead of helping each other avoid it. If you're heart is whole and happy that's great! Now ask God to break it. Don't be satisfied with just your own freedom but also cry out for the freedom for the rest of us in the fellowship. Let's come together and seek His face (1 Samuel 7).
God is good. He is faithful! He shall give us rest =)

Blessings! and my love =)

(Focus on the words of this song and not on the message of the person who made the video.)