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| ♫Lord of all... deliver us to the promised land ♫ |
Hey everyone :) Start here -> Tips for Conflict Resolution It's a really short post and I'll be talking about the stuff I outlined there.
*Hope= to desire with expectation of obtainment.
*Faith= "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."(Hebrews 11:1)
"Hope is not the sentiment that life will never have pain, but the courage to persevere because pain has an appointed end."(quote on the ihop wall)
"The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey —the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites." (Exodus 3:7-8)
(Song from Prince of Egypt: Deliver Us)
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Must Read Sections: *The Narrow Road- Paul's visions* & *The Real Enemy*
Hey InterVarsity, I'll go through this one last time since you keep missing the point (I understand why, I left what looked like loose ends but I wasn't done showing you the full picture). But don't worry that was expected so I hope you get it this time coz we really need to move on -> forward and together. Thanks for reading :) (World, make sure you read the closing remarks :)
Spiritual Reality
So at Pre- Fall Leaders Retreat, the InterVarsity leaders had a different experience than what was planned (God's presence increasing in the room, manifestation of evil spirits, some people crying, Holy Spirit-inspired laughter, some praying in tongues, spontaneous prophetic singing, people prophesying, baptism of the Holy Spirit and lots of visions about spiritual warfare that would go down- involving "black winged creatures"-> some of which were pretending to be The Light (Jesus) as in Haley's vision I talked about in the "Let My People Go" post). So yeah, that was a different experience for us to share but for some people it was totally new. So the night before we left Shayne and Lissah approached Melissa and told her that they sensed some fakeness going on. Melissa then addressed everyone- about how there was confusion and God is not the author of confusion- and I noticed somethings then after I talked to some of the guys about their experience what was going on became more apparent to me. I stayed up a little late that night jotting down notes since I really felt the need to address what was brought up. I asked Ekaete if I could share that stuff with people the next day before we left and I was told to see Paul in the morning. They already had stuff planned for that morning so he didn't want me to share what I had but I was really persistent since I really felt the need to share that stuff. So he asked to see my notes and I gave it to him. I had asked for like half an hour but they said they could only give me 5 minutes since they had other plans. So I realized I couldn't really address much in 5 minutes so I just decided to pray. I felt the need to pray this Scripture: Ephesians 1: 17-23 (post: Eyes Wide Open) and as I was reading it, halfway through, there was another unusual occurence, I felt this heaviness of The Spirit over me (not in a creepy way but like He placed a burden on my heart) I just begun to weep without intending to and when I finally could get myself to kinda stop this Scripture came to mind and I shared it 2 Chronicles 7:14 and that we needed to repent. So that was new for me but I understood that it was somehow intercessory. Romans 8:26 tells us "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" so I think The Holy Spirit was helping me out with that prayer by allowing me to feel His heart for the fellowship. So I guess sometimes all we need to do is weep. God doesn't just hear our words but He also sees our tears. I thought it was funny how God made a spectacle out of me at Prefall because one of the things He was setting me free from was caring too much what people think about me (the social phobia I had developed). He took me out of my blah-ness and allowed me to feel some of what He feels. {Got some confirmation about that today. Check out the video I posted in: Fall Fast and feel free to join in the fast} K that was a lovely tangent, now back to what I was saying lol... Before we left, Paul told me, "You should speak at Common Ground- (InterVarsity's Large Group)." And I was like,"Okay." Since I still hadn't shared the message I was going to share with them and I felt the need to. But when he told me that I knew that he didn't really mean it and I could tell that problems were going to arise between us. Why? Read on...
You see, what happened at Prefall was kinda like what took place in Acts 2. Let's compare and contrast. The Holy Spirit filled the apostles and they begun to speak in tongues then "a crowd came together in bewilderment" (vs. 6) Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean? Some, however, made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine.” (vs. 12) So yeah, there was also confusion back then about the Spirit-led stuff that was going on but at Prefall people weren't open about it but Shayne and Lissah sensed it -the gift of discernment. Once the confusion was made known someone who knew what was going on (what it meant as well as it's application- "what shall we do?" vs.37) had to address it for the sake of clarity and unity. So Peter stood up and said "let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say...." then he gave a speech (vs. 14-39). This is where the problem came in at Prefall. Melissa is the one who addressed what was going on since she felt the need to as the leader of the staff but the thing is, she was also experiencing cognitive dissonance (re-read definition) and this was clear to me through what she was saying at prefall and also at the last leaders meeting of Fall (the only other time it was addressed by staff to us). Yeah she acknowledged that what happened was biblical and she said the Joel 2:28 verse but she started saying other things like "This doesn't mean that this is our new normal and we shouldn't idolize the supernatural" ( I addressed that in the post: Time to SEEK) and later, "I don't know but everyone is from different backgrounds and they worship God differently. Some churches focus on teaching the Word which is fine. Some focus on the Holy Spirit which is fine." Then she recommended a book that justifies this separation. (I talk about that in the Let My People Go post). So Melissa (representing the staff) chose to address the confusion and her answer to those two questions were: "What does this mean?" I don't know and "What shall we do?" We'll just keep doing things the same way. I know many of you don't see anything wrong with that approach so let me clarify.
As I said, the person who is to address the confusion is one who knew what was going on- from experience or revelation from the Spirit (what it meant as well as the application) and had to do it to bring clarity (understanding) and unity. Staff was just as confused as some of the other leaders were (were experiencing cognitive dissonance. Inconsistencies with their past cultural/church experiences and what they had just witnessed at prefall) and that's okay but they still tried to address it because they are the staff and people expect them to. So far, everything is okay. It's okay not to know about somethings because of your background (we all don't know everything that's why we need each other) but here's what is not okay.... Like I said before, I really felt the need to address what was going on (what it meant and the application)- I had understanding because of my past experiences and insight that God revealed to me through His Word. So what was not okay was that I knew the truth (meaning and application) but they didn't let me share it with everyone. Yeah Paul had said that they would let me speak at Common Ground -we would plan it and everything but each time it was close to happening he would always cancel it last minute and make his own plans (twice in the Fall, once in the Winter then they just ignored me in the Spring, "We'll talk about it and get back to you"- I wasn't on the leadership team anymore so they didn't care what I had to say). So yeah that was the problem, there was confusion from Prefall and it was never addressed so it was carried onto the rest of the year and because the meaning and application remained unknown/uncertain, there was no understanding and no unity.
So what was the meaning and application?
It's right there in Peter's speech Acts 2: 14-39. He let them know about the times (vs. 17) then he comes to the main point and conclusion in vs. 36, a revelation of Jesus, His real identity, His full identity. Yes they knew about Jesus since He had lived among them and they saw the miracles, sign and wonders he had performed. But what they needed to have ("what does this mean?") is a revelation of Jesus as "both Lord and Messiah" (vs.36) Then this is what happened after they came to that understanding: "When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off —for all whom the Lord our God will call.” With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. "(vs. 37-42)
So this is what was going on, at Prefall, God showed up in a way that some people haven't experienced before. He revealed a part of His identity that we haven't been focussing on ("because we focus on His Word instead"). And for me Jesus revealed Himself as "The King of Glory"(both Lord and Messiah). When I stopped looking at myself (my weakness and my mistakes) and fixed my eyes on God (by praising Him for who He is and who I am in Him- who He says I am) He just stepped in, fought my battles for me, set me free and filled me with more of Himself. Just like that. I just looked to Him and praised Him and He did all the work =) "Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty,the Lord mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The Lord Almighty—he is the King of glory." (Psalm 24: 7-10) Re-read Exodus 3:7-8 in the introduction. God saw our suffering, He heard us crying out to Him and because He cares for us He came down to set us free."Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17) But yeah, spiritual warfare was going on as we got to see. And even within me there was a battle between unbelief and faith until I decided to stop fighting with myself and chose just to believe (keep proclaiming the Truth) even though I wasn't seeing results at first. So yeah... God showed us that He cares for us and has the power to set us free but that experience was freaky for some of us coz it was new so people experienced cognitive dissonance and confusion came in. But that is what we were crying out for (freedom) and that is what we needed (more of His Spirit of power, love and self-control). So we had the choice to keep seeking this new thing God was doing, this freedom, this King of Glory, or to be remain comfortable with the old : our enslavement and that of others and to be complacent with what we know about God (not thirsty for more of Him). And so because I knew the meaning of what happened and the application, I wanted to share it with everyone so that we can all be on the same page (for there to be understanding, for there to be unity).
Socrates: Do you suppose that he would have attempted to look for, or learn, what he thought he knew, though he didn't, before he was thrown into perplexity, became aware of his ignorance, and felt a desire to know. Meno: No.
Socrates: Then the numbing process was good for him? Meno: I agree.
Socrates: Now notice what, starting from this state of perplexity, he will discover by seeking the truth in company with me...
Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16: 1-12)
Spiritual Warfare. Culture Clash. The Real Enemy
This is what the Lord says:
So yeah, like I said, I had vision of where God was leading us and so it was clear to me that we would not be following Him forward by going back to our old routine. I knew that Staff wasn't doing this intentionally, they just didn't know what I knew so I was happy to share the solutions and ideas we could implement as a fellowship. So I shared the solutions and we would go into meetings and I would explain it to them. All that was fine but the problem came in when there was no application. Then a routine formed: we would go into meetings and I would explain and they would listen but after that there would be no application (hence no reconciliation, no unity) so more conflict would arise then we would go into more meetings to resolve conflict. They would tell me "help me understand" and I realized all I was doing was tell-and-tell so it would help if I showed them what I was talking about, share my culture, lead them to "seek the truth in company with me"- friendship and servanthood. But they didn't want that either since it meant displacing themselves. I was sad because what they were asking for is not what they wanted and what they actually wanted was what they kept rejecting. They wanted me to "help them understand" the truth just through words but I didn't because I knew the truth was harsh so I didn't give them what they were asking for and instead I focussed on sharing the solutions but the solutions were never applied. Those meetings would really drain me (steal the peace and joy that God was restoring to me) because they were going nowhere and each time I would go to God about it He would tell me to tell them the truth and He would give me the verses I shared in the Let My People Go post but I was like "That's surprisingly true but at the same time it's really mean. They'll take it personally though it's spiritual warfare" So I chose not to obey God so that they wouldn't get hurt by the Truth. And when I asked for another solution He kept giving me 1 Samuel 7.
We have not been making every effort towards reconciliation all we have been "doing" is talking which is the staff's method of conflict resolution from their culture but in the Word, that is actually waging war as the world does using the weapons of the world which are ineffective hence contribute to the problem (Psalm 64:3-3). So what we have been calling "conflict resolution" meetings are actually the "grumbling and arguing" we are told not to do in Philippians 2: 14-16. I have been sharing the solutions (the approach from my cultural background: recognizing spiritual roots and tackling them) which God also keeps giving me confirmation about (1 Samuel 7) but we never apply them. So that's where the "yeast of the pharisees" comes in, they appeared to be seeking out the truth (asking Jesus questions) but they were not willing to displace themselves (to learn the truth through friendship). And so what response did Jesus give them when they came asking for a sign? Read Matthew 16:2-4. They got shot down with arrows (Psalm 64: 7-8). They rejected gentleness (learning Truth through friendship) so all that was left, which was what they were asking for, is an encounter with harsh truth. In the same way, by Staff refusing to apply the solutions I was offering and then ask me to "make them understand," since solutions can only be understood through application what they were asking for was the harsh truth (exposing to them everything that was wrong- focussing on the problems). I tried explaining the solutions to them but that's when I would get silence and the "Oh now you think you know everything" attitude. I really didn't want to give them what they were actually asking for to spare their emotions - because the message contained strong emotions but I finally did it to obey God and they kept asking for it (literally). So yeah, I gave them the arrows they were asking for- I was sad that it came to that but God already gave us vision of where He's leading us so it filled me with the hope of change and reconciliation (hope is what we need to get through the desert season) and I was ready for us to move onto the solutions. But for staff it gave them the justification they were looking for to ignore me completely and not to apply the solutions I had been offering all through because I was clearly the enemy and that just made things worse coz I then had to make it public and therefore became the archenemy. But there's a time for everything under the sun. In a season of renewal, in the pursuit of true and lasting change, you sometimes need to take a comprehensive approach- (which is the approach that the Nefarious documentary took. I talk about in the post: Behold) Because without an understanding of the depth of the problem then the main solution may be ignored and the other solutions you apply will be ineffective and even contribute to the problem. Watch the video below. Some confirmation I got when I went to the Rhetoric event. Anyway, I'm just trying to explain what God told me to do, you don't have to get it right now or agree with it. He told me to be myself - I'm quite passionate about somethings so maybe you should get to know me if you want to understand me and what God gives me to share. And yeah, I'm not the enemy. Staff is not the enemy. The enemy is the enemy read on...
Last year Marissa had asked me to help her lead the team going to Bosnia during the summer since there was no other staff going with her. I wanted to go to Bosnia again to see my friends and I was excited to go with Marissa because we never really hang out before and it would be a nice chance to finally get to know her. But I hadn't made the decision yet since I wasn't sure if I was going to do summer school and I was also considering looking for an internship or another summer pre-med program. I suck at making decisions so I turned to friends for help. Haley, Lili and I were in Paul's discipleship group so when we were doing prayer requests I asked them to pray for me for God to show me what to do (Bosnia, pre-med stuff or summer school). So they did listening prayer for me. Paul didn't get anything and he was a bit surprised because he usually gets something so he tried listening a second time but got nothing then he tried a third time then he got 3 visions. In the first vision I was Jesus then I split into 2 Jesus' who then kept splitting into two. I thought it was weird and I didn't get it at the moment. The second one, I was leading a group of people on a narrow path. I took that to mean that God wanted me to go help Marissa lead the team going to Bosnia and I was excited because I wanted to go. Haley got a vision of a rainbow lol. But it turned out that I needed to take summer school so I couldn't go to Bosnia :( So yeah I forgot about those visions until this summer. I'm a visual person so I like to make visual reminders of things I'm learning. When I was making the picture above and that's when I remembered the visions and they all started making sense.
Haley's vision was funny but it actually meant something to me. When I was younger we used to sing the Mr. Noah song: "When you see the rainbow remember God is Love"-I'll come back to that. At Ignite, the conference before Prefall leaders retreat I went to Paul to pray for me during the time of worship and prayer. He asked me what I needed prayer for but I didn't say anything -it was the same problem I had for a long time: my relationship with God was not okay and I was really tired of it being that way. So yeah, he just prayed for me then he told me, "God is going to use you to baptize people with the Holy Spirit." Then we went into the leaders retreat and in the middle of what took place Paul told me to lead them in prayer most probably because of the vision he got. And yeah I've already shared that story.... I started praising God for who He is (I remember that He is Love) and when I did that He set me free and filled me with His Spirit. So yeah I didn't baptize anyone with the Holy Spirit at Prefall (Paul's vision), I'm the one who got baptized. Yes the Holy Spirit lives in all believers and being baptized by the Holy Spirit means allowing Him to fill up your whole heart. So when we give up our idols, like I did at prefall, He fills their place. He revives us. He increases as we decrease. But do you remember the meaning and application from Acts 2? You can go back and read that section. So Paul's second vision ("the Jesus clones"lol) made sense. God set me free and baptized me with His Spirit (like Jesus was and like He tells us to be- Acts 1) and The Spirit of the Lord usually likes to: Isaiah 61:1-3. That's why I've been noticing how people are suffering in different ways and saddened that we haven't been doing anything to pursue freedom (1 Samuel 7). And then Paul's vision of the narrow road was not about me going to Bosnia but about Matthew 7:14. At the last leaders meeting in my sophomore year we were writing notes to each other and this is what Paul wrote on my card: "Each time I pray for you I feel like God wants to do something through you." So I think I now get what that meant... Remember the purpose of the "Colors of The Wind"? Well, since I'm not from here (America) I notice things in your blindspot, cultural strongholds (Idols that people don't realize are idols- things that defile the soul) and yeah I'm meant to interceed and also to lead you guys to a knowledge of the truth (focussing on the solutions). So yeah "my agenda" has always been to share my life and what God gives me but God's agenda through me, which I now realize is to bring change (Isaiah 61:1-3).
Like in the movie, "The Blind Side"lol you guys (InterVarsity) took me in, fed me and clothed me spiritually and I am really really thankful to God that I got to meet you guys and to be part of the group. You are all beautiful and wonderful people. Thanks for being blessings in my life by sharing your lives with me :') Now I wanna do the same -share my life- since I've been holding back long enough. So we are all leaders by identity: We are the body of Christ and each part has it's own function. I realized that God put me here to "protect the family" (like in the movie) and that may look like coming in front of you for a little while (getting in between you and the airbag) that's why God kept pushing 1 Samuel 7. I'm a forerunner and I have a lot of things to share with you guys that I haven't shared all year since the devil has kept me distracted with drama and discouragement. And yeah it can't wait till I'm back at school so I'll keep using my blog for that. We are in a season of intense spiritual warfare because we are so close to the second Exodus (out of the desert and into the promised land). But if you noticed, in the Exodus 3:7-8 in the intro, the promised land is currently occupied (by the devil's strongholds) and so we need to put on the full armor of God and to fight with the weapons from the Word- so yeah I'll prepare you guys for that from what I know from my background. Also, I have other stuff to share about the times we are living in. You don't have to believe me but just listen. And I'll share other journal-like stuff if you want to learn from my experiences. So yeah, allow me to gently lead you, to serve you. This is not about me. We are all here to lead and serve each other. I'm just an alarm clock to wake you guys up to your real identity so that we can get things started -be ourselves and use our gifts- (for "each part to do its work"- Ephesians 4:15-16). Let me clarify, yes I said that the messages I share are for communication but I've noticed that I give "Calls" (a call to fast, pray etc) so the response doesn't have to be directed to me because the response God is looking for is from the heart. But yeah feel free to give me feedback (share comments or questions). Also, this is a journey, that's how I flow. So don't expect to understand everything I'm sharing through one post but if you do want to understand quicker then apply the solutions I will share. The desert season was not designed to be crossed in a day but we can make it longer by refusing to apply God's solutions and arguing as we have been doing- wandering in the desert like the Israelites. That approach we've been stuck on really hurts me and has kept me distracted from sharing what I have to share so yeah I'm not doing that anymore. I'm moving forward, please be free to join me (1 Chronicles 12:16-17). Like I said, my agenda has always been friendship and I'll keep pursuing that (I'm still the same person just expressing myself more) but for some of you that's been asking too much so no pressure just be my guest and let me serve you please. If you don't want to join me that's fine, I'll keep shouting from the desert though because I have vision of where this is going (I don't see everything obviously but what I do see I will share). Yeah you all probably hate me but I still see you guys as my family that's why I can't just leave you alone. And I think we should all be our brother's/sister's keeper and fight for each other. Post: Family Matters.
(Song from Prince of Egypt: Deliver Us)
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Must Read Sections: *The Narrow Road- Paul's visions* & *The Real Enemy*
Hey InterVarsity, I'll go through this one last time since you keep missing the point (I understand why, I left what looked like loose ends but I wasn't done showing you the full picture). But don't worry that was expected so I hope you get it this time coz we really need to move on -> forward and together. Thanks for reading :) (World, make sure you read the closing remarks :)
Spiritual Reality
So at Pre- Fall Leaders Retreat, the InterVarsity leaders had a different experience than what was planned (God's presence increasing in the room, manifestation of evil spirits, some people crying, Holy Spirit-inspired laughter, some praying in tongues, spontaneous prophetic singing, people prophesying, baptism of the Holy Spirit and lots of visions about spiritual warfare that would go down- involving "black winged creatures"-> some of which were pretending to be The Light (Jesus) as in Haley's vision I talked about in the "Let My People Go" post). So yeah, that was a different experience for us to share but for some people it was totally new. So the night before we left Shayne and Lissah approached Melissa and told her that they sensed some fakeness going on. Melissa then addressed everyone- about how there was confusion and God is not the author of confusion- and I noticed somethings then after I talked to some of the guys about their experience what was going on became more apparent to me. I stayed up a little late that night jotting down notes since I really felt the need to address what was brought up. I asked Ekaete if I could share that stuff with people the next day before we left and I was told to see Paul in the morning. They already had stuff planned for that morning so he didn't want me to share what I had but I was really persistent since I really felt the need to share that stuff. So he asked to see my notes and I gave it to him. I had asked for like half an hour but they said they could only give me 5 minutes since they had other plans. So I realized I couldn't really address much in 5 minutes so I just decided to pray. I felt the need to pray this Scripture: Ephesians 1: 17-23 (post: Eyes Wide Open) and as I was reading it, halfway through, there was another unusual occurence, I felt this heaviness of The Spirit over me (not in a creepy way but like He placed a burden on my heart) I just begun to weep without intending to and when I finally could get myself to kinda stop this Scripture came to mind and I shared it 2 Chronicles 7:14 and that we needed to repent. So that was new for me but I understood that it was somehow intercessory. Romans 8:26 tells us "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" so I think The Holy Spirit was helping me out with that prayer by allowing me to feel His heart for the fellowship. So I guess sometimes all we need to do is weep. God doesn't just hear our words but He also sees our tears. I thought it was funny how God made a spectacle out of me at Prefall because one of the things He was setting me free from was caring too much what people think about me (the social phobia I had developed). He took me out of my blah-ness and allowed me to feel some of what He feels. {Got some confirmation about that today. Check out the video I posted in: Fall Fast and feel free to join in the fast} K that was a lovely tangent, now back to what I was saying lol... Before we left, Paul told me, "You should speak at Common Ground- (InterVarsity's Large Group)." And I was like,"Okay." Since I still hadn't shared the message I was going to share with them and I felt the need to. But when he told me that I knew that he didn't really mean it and I could tell that problems were going to arise between us. Why? Read on...
So when I went to talk to staff that morning about the message I wanted to share based on what was brought up the night before, they (Melissa and Paul) told me they already knew what the fakeness was about- Pride, and Paul was going to lead that session to address it then into a time of reflection and prayer. And I agreed with them that it was pride but more specifically Cultural Pride. What I had noticed that night was cultural strongholds and generational blindspots that I've been talking about in past posts. Yes there was confusion as Melissa mentioned but also cognitive dissonance and then something else. Let's define those first:
*Confusion = Lack of understanding; uncertainity. Being unable to think with clarity or act with understanding and intelligence. Being perplexed. Disturbance of consciousness characterized by inability to engage in orderly thought or by lack of power to distinguish, choose, or act decisively. (Different web dictionaries)
*Cognitive dissonance = "The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, esp. as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change." (web dictionary) "Cognitive dissonance is the term used in modern psychology to describe the discomfort felt by a person seeking to hold two or more conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously. In a state of dissonance, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. A general view of cognitive dissonance is when one is biased towards a certain decision even though other factors favour an alternative."(wikipedia)*Confusion = Lack of understanding; uncertainity. Being unable to think with clarity or act with understanding and intelligence. Being perplexed. Disturbance of consciousness characterized by inability to engage in orderly thought or by lack of power to distinguish, choose, or act decisively. (Different web dictionaries)
As I said, the person who is to address the confusion is one who knew what was going on- from experience or revelation from the Spirit (what it meant as well as the application) and had to do it to bring clarity (understanding) and unity. Staff was just as confused as some of the other leaders were (were experiencing cognitive dissonance. Inconsistencies with their past cultural/church experiences and what they had just witnessed at prefall) and that's okay but they still tried to address it because they are the staff and people expect them to. So far, everything is okay. It's okay not to know about somethings because of your background (we all don't know everything that's why we need each other) but here's what is not okay.... Like I said before, I really felt the need to address what was going on (what it meant and the application)- I had understanding because of my past experiences and insight that God revealed to me through His Word. So what was not okay was that I knew the truth (meaning and application) but they didn't let me share it with everyone. Yeah Paul had said that they would let me speak at Common Ground -we would plan it and everything but each time it was close to happening he would always cancel it last minute and make his own plans (twice in the Fall, once in the Winter then they just ignored me in the Spring, "We'll talk about it and get back to you"- I wasn't on the leadership team anymore so they didn't care what I had to say). So yeah that was the problem, there was confusion from Prefall and it was never addressed so it was carried onto the rest of the year and because the meaning and application remained unknown/uncertain, there was no understanding and no unity.
So what was the meaning and application?
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| Jesus: The Lion & The Lamb |
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| Who is this King of Glory? |
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| "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." <3 Jesus :) |
Socrates: Now notice what, starting from this state of perplexity, he will discover by seeking the truth in company with me...
Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16: 1-12)
So I said it is understanding (revelation of the Truth) that brings unity. But there's something we need to get. "When Jesus asks us to "learn" something, it can't be attained through intellectual assent but by humility of heart (cf.Matt 9:13, 11:29, 24:32)" - Sarah Sun Kim. You see, it's all about relationship, friendship. Jesus doesn't ask us to go figure out the Truth by ourselves, that's really harsh and it makes coming to a knowledge of the Truth completely dependent on us and how smart we are (our own strength and our own wisdom). But it's not about us. Jesus is the Truth and He invites us into a relationship with Him. And it is in relationship, friendship, that we get to learn more about Him (the Truth). Re-read the prayer I felt led to pray at Prefall (Ephesians 1: 17-23). God wants to fill us with more of Himself (His Spirit) so that we can come "to know Him better", to know "the hope He has called us to, the riches of His glorious inheritance in His holy people, and His incomparably great power for us who believe." Seeking intimacy (deeper relationship with the Truth-> Jesus) brings more knowledge and understanding of the Truth.
So what's the yeast of the Pharisees we are warned about in Matthew 16? The pharisees went to test Jesus by asking Him to show them a sign from heaven (vs.1). I said it's all about relationship. And like in any good friendship, both parties have to displace themselves. So Jesus already displaced Himself, He came from heaven to earth to dwell among us. Though He is God, He humbled Himself and became one of us (human) to pay the penalty of our sin and also to relate to us. So yeah, Jesus did His part now our part is the easy part (He made it easy for us by paying for our freedom)- we just need to open the door of our hearts and let Him in. Give Him our whole hearts and let Him lead us into knowing Him more. That also takes humility. So what's the yeast of the pharisees? Pride. They didn't want to let Jesus lead them to a knowledge of the Truth through a relationship because that would entail them displacing themselves. They knew it meant admitting ignorance and that their approach to truth was wrong (intellectual assent and external observance of the law) and it also involved changing their ways but they wanted to remain in control so they rejected friendship with Jesus and chose an adversarial relationship: they approached Jesus to ask Him questions with the aim of trapping Him- to find something wrong with Him, something to justify their decision not to follow Him. So how does that relate to us?
Spiritual Warfare. Culture Clash. The Real Enemy
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Jeremiah 6:16
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“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
I appointed watchmen over you and said, ‘Listen to the sound of the trumpet!’
But you said, ‘We will not listen.’
(Jeremiah 6:16-17)
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
I appointed watchmen over you and said, ‘Listen to the sound of the trumpet!’
But you said, ‘We will not listen.’
(Jeremiah 6:16-17)
So yeah, like I said, I had vision of where God was leading us and so it was clear to me that we would not be following Him forward by going back to our old routine. I knew that Staff wasn't doing this intentionally, they just didn't know what I knew so I was happy to share the solutions and ideas we could implement as a fellowship. So I shared the solutions and we would go into meetings and I would explain it to them. All that was fine but the problem came in when there was no application. Then a routine formed: we would go into meetings and I would explain and they would listen but after that there would be no application (hence no reconciliation, no unity) so more conflict would arise then we would go into more meetings to resolve conflict. They would tell me "help me understand" and I realized all I was doing was tell-and-tell so it would help if I showed them what I was talking about, share my culture, lead them to "seek the truth in company with me"- friendship and servanthood. But they didn't want that either since it meant displacing themselves. I was sad because what they were asking for is not what they wanted and what they actually wanted was what they kept rejecting. They wanted me to "help them understand" the truth just through words but I didn't because I knew the truth was harsh so I didn't give them what they were asking for and instead I focussed on sharing the solutions but the solutions were never applied. Those meetings would really drain me (steal the peace and joy that God was restoring to me) because they were going nowhere and each time I would go to God about it He would tell me to tell them the truth and He would give me the verses I shared in the Let My People Go post but I was like "That's surprisingly true but at the same time it's really mean. They'll take it personally though it's spiritual warfare" So I chose not to obey God so that they wouldn't get hurt by the Truth. And when I asked for another solution He kept giving me 1 Samuel 7.
Culture Clash
"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Romans 14:19) So through our interactions cultural differences became really prominent and not just cultural differences between ethnicities but between Kingdoms. I realized that we have different methods of conflict resolution and I learnt this in my classes as well (African cinema, Black studies 1, Underserved Medicine and Cultural Psych). In my Cultural Psych we listened to a story by a journalist called Andrew Solomon author of: The Noonday Demon: An atlas of depression. He had depression and he went to West Africa to understand the varieties of depression and it was there that he learnt about some animist ritual and he decided to try it out. He described how weird it was and how ridiculous he looked but "with a feeling of both horror and exhilaration. I felt tremendous release." (You can read more about it on that link) He asked them why they had to go through all that ridiculousness (smearing animal's blood on him, a group of women dancing around and other people beating drums) and they said something like "Well it's effective and we think it's more ridiculous to sit around and talk about problems -the Western approach- or to try to tame them instead of just getting rid of them by tackling the roots." When he (Andrew Solomon) was re-telling his experience he was joking about everything they made him go through and people in class were laughing. What they were actually doing to him was witchcraft but he took it lightly due to a lack of understanding of the spiritual world. Anyway, that audio clip reminded me of African culture and how we have an awareness that the roots of problems are spiritual hence it takes interactions with supernatural power to get rid of them. So in Christianity that kind of background makes it easier for us to understand spiritual warfare (two kingdoms at war: light and darkness) and that we have access to power from God's kingdom (Light) to tackle the spiritual roots of problems. {In case you were wondering about the Andrew Solomon story... yeah witchcraft is real and the darkness has power but it doesn't come free! But the Light is more powerful than the darkness and it's for freedom! and for free!}
"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Romans 14:19) So through our interactions cultural differences became really prominent and not just cultural differences between ethnicities but between Kingdoms. I realized that we have different methods of conflict resolution and I learnt this in my classes as well (African cinema, Black studies 1, Underserved Medicine and Cultural Psych). In my Cultural Psych we listened to a story by a journalist called Andrew Solomon author of: The Noonday Demon: An atlas of depression. He had depression and he went to West Africa to understand the varieties of depression and it was there that he learnt about some animist ritual and he decided to try it out. He described how weird it was and how ridiculous he looked but "with a feeling of both horror and exhilaration. I felt tremendous release." (You can read more about it on that link) He asked them why they had to go through all that ridiculousness (smearing animal's blood on him, a group of women dancing around and other people beating drums) and they said something like "Well it's effective and we think it's more ridiculous to sit around and talk about problems -the Western approach- or to try to tame them instead of just getting rid of them by tackling the roots." When he (Andrew Solomon) was re-telling his experience he was joking about everything they made him go through and people in class were laughing. What they were actually doing to him was witchcraft but he took it lightly due to a lack of understanding of the spiritual world. Anyway, that audio clip reminded me of African culture and how we have an awareness that the roots of problems are spiritual hence it takes interactions with supernatural power to get rid of them. So in Christianity that kind of background makes it easier for us to understand spiritual warfare (two kingdoms at war: light and darkness) and that we have access to power from God's kingdom (Light) to tackle the spiritual roots of problems. {In case you were wondering about the Andrew Solomon story... yeah witchcraft is real and the darkness has power but it doesn't come free! But the Light is more powerful than the darkness and it's for freedom! and for free!}
"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world...." ( 2 Corinthians 10:3-4) See how that story relates to us? First, we have to understand that making peace (conflict resolution) from a spiritual perspective is actually waging war (the kingdoms in battle. I'll explain more in upcoming posts). Now let me tie things together. So like I said, I noticed the existence of lots of cultural differences (between Western culture and my African culture) and that was one of the main reasons behind the miscommunication and misunderstandings. And I wasn't myself for a long time (who I fully am) but God set me free to be me again and He kept telling me to remember who I am, to be myself and to share my life with people and I was excited to do that. So I saw this as the solution: invite staff to get to know me more -be friends- and that way they'll also see where I'm coming from and get what I'm saying (see attachment #1 at the bottom). But that didn't happen :( This is what happened: (since I already shared this before I might as well give the context) So after God told me to leave leadership during Winter break (well He had told me that way before but that's when I finally decided to obey Him when I almost got kicked out of school. post: The Desert) He gave me new direction in the Winter (waiting on Him and preparing the way for Him with others). I emailed Marissa coz she's the staff in charge of the Arts ministry and I wanted to meet up so that I could share ideas of how we could use the arts as a form of worship and outreach from my experiences in Kenya, and yeah just to get to know each other. She never got back to me then a while later she asked to meet up for coffee so I was excited because I thought we were going to talk about that stuff. So after hellos she reveals her agenda for the meet up by asking me, "What's your agenda?" She was sent to question me about the messages I was sharing on the InterVarsity wall. She told me the tone was aggressive (I transferred all the messages I shared with them to my blog so you can check them out in the December posts and judge for yourself- they are all there except one about the gift of teaching that they deleted before I transferred it). She asked me why I shared them there and I told her that I would share it with Staff only and there would be no application so I shared it with everyone so that we can all know and hopefully apply. She took notes and said that they would talk about it and get back to me. But then the cycle continued they wouldn't get back to me, no application, more conflict (rather, more awareness of the disunity that was already there), more meetings "to resolve conflict"...and on and on. There are many other examples but I don't want to go into them. Here's the point: "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Romans 14:19)
We have not been making every effort towards reconciliation all we have been "doing" is talking which is the staff's method of conflict resolution from their culture but in the Word, that is actually waging war as the world does using the weapons of the world which are ineffective hence contribute to the problem (Psalm 64:3-3). So what we have been calling "conflict resolution" meetings are actually the "grumbling and arguing" we are told not to do in Philippians 2: 14-16. I have been sharing the solutions (the approach from my cultural background: recognizing spiritual roots and tackling them) which God also keeps giving me confirmation about (1 Samuel 7) but we never apply them. So that's where the "yeast of the pharisees" comes in, they appeared to be seeking out the truth (asking Jesus questions) but they were not willing to displace themselves (to learn the truth through friendship). And so what response did Jesus give them when they came asking for a sign? Read Matthew 16:2-4. They got shot down with arrows (Psalm 64: 7-8). They rejected gentleness (learning Truth through friendship) so all that was left, which was what they were asking for, is an encounter with harsh truth. In the same way, by Staff refusing to apply the solutions I was offering and then ask me to "make them understand," since solutions can only be understood through application what they were asking for was the harsh truth (exposing to them everything that was wrong- focussing on the problems). I tried explaining the solutions to them but that's when I would get silence and the "Oh now you think you know everything" attitude. I really didn't want to give them what they were actually asking for to spare their emotions - because the message contained strong emotions but I finally did it to obey God and they kept asking for it (literally). So yeah, I gave them the arrows they were asking for- I was sad that it came to that but God already gave us vision of where He's leading us so it filled me with the hope of change and reconciliation (hope is what we need to get through the desert season) and I was ready for us to move onto the solutions. But for staff it gave them the justification they were looking for to ignore me completely and not to apply the solutions I had been offering all through because I was clearly the enemy and that just made things worse coz I then had to make it public and therefore became the archenemy. But there's a time for everything under the sun. In a season of renewal, in the pursuit of true and lasting change, you sometimes need to take a comprehensive approach- (which is the approach that the Nefarious documentary took. I talk about in the post: Behold) Because without an understanding of the depth of the problem then the main solution may be ignored and the other solutions you apply will be ineffective and even contribute to the problem. Watch the video below. Some confirmation I got when I went to the Rhetoric event. Anyway, I'm just trying to explain what God told me to do, you don't have to get it right now or agree with it. He told me to be myself - I'm quite passionate about somethings so maybe you should get to know me if you want to understand me and what God gives me to share. And yeah, I'm not the enemy. Staff is not the enemy. The enemy is the enemy read on...
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The Narrow Road
Last year Marissa had asked me to help her lead the team going to Bosnia during the summer since there was no other staff going with her. I wanted to go to Bosnia again to see my friends and I was excited to go with Marissa because we never really hang out before and it would be a nice chance to finally get to know her. But I hadn't made the decision yet since I wasn't sure if I was going to do summer school and I was also considering looking for an internship or another summer pre-med program. I suck at making decisions so I turned to friends for help. Haley, Lili and I were in Paul's discipleship group so when we were doing prayer requests I asked them to pray for me for God to show me what to do (Bosnia, pre-med stuff or summer school). So they did listening prayer for me. Paul didn't get anything and he was a bit surprised because he usually gets something so he tried listening a second time but got nothing then he tried a third time then he got 3 visions. In the first vision I was Jesus then I split into 2 Jesus' who then kept splitting into two. I thought it was weird and I didn't get it at the moment. The second one, I was leading a group of people on a narrow path. I took that to mean that God wanted me to go help Marissa lead the team going to Bosnia and I was excited because I wanted to go. Haley got a vision of a rainbow lol. But it turned out that I needed to take summer school so I couldn't go to Bosnia :( So yeah I forgot about those visions until this summer. I'm a visual person so I like to make visual reminders of things I'm learning. When I was making the picture above and that's when I remembered the visions and they all started making sense. |
| *Remember -> God IS Love :) |
The Real Enemy
So in the Spring I sent staff that email (in Let my people go post) and at first I was really sad that I had to give them the harsh truth that they kept asking for but God reminded me that it's spiritual warfare and He gave me His peace after I sent it. And I noticed something else, the devil's schemes... The devil has been working to bring division in order to prevent revival from happening in us and spreading through us. You see we are a body and we really need to be united to function like we are meant to and to be used by God in His harvest (revival at our school). "Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns." (Jeremiah 4:3) The devil has really distracted us with our drama to keep us from preparing the way for the Lord. It is through unity in worship and intercession (the arts included) that we wait on Him and prepare the way for him (breaking up the unplowed ground). So the devil's plan is to keep us divided so that we do not worship in spirit and in truth (due to no reconciliation) and to keep the different parts of the body from doing their part. So yeah, it's time we all stop falling for the devil's schemes (the devil is the enemy and his strongholds and devices are: pride, fear, apathy etc).
Staff, I want to make it clear that I don't have anything personal against you. I love you guys and I really appreciate you. I'm just calling out the devil's schemes and strongholds. (See attachment #2) And one of the devil's most effective tools has been fear. I already pointed out that he used fear of change in the staff but also for me he used fear of standing out. That summer that I didn't go to Bosnia I was in SB doing summer school. When I met up with Paul in the Spring to open up about the problems I was seeing in the fellowship He told me, "If you want to see change then model it." So I got an idea that summer to "model it" and I could feel the Holy Spirit jump up and down inside me in approval lol. My idea was to have our own "common ground" - I thought of calling it something like "The Flow" lol and I thought it would be a great time to just be ourselves and get to practice using our gifts. I had it all planned out in my head based on my experiences in Kenya. But I was insecure to lead it (initiate it) by myself so I planned to do it with Charity but she didn't want to so my insecurities discouraged me from starting it myself. So yeah God wants me to share stuff from my cultural background that we could apply. Also, do you remember that one Common ground when the Mexican Pastor came? (I forgot his name) Well, I was in the worship team and that's the night I felt led to read Isaiah 61:1-3. Ekaete had read the whole chapter the previous common ground but I felt led to read the first 3 verses. I had asked for permission to read it coz everything is scheduled. But I after I read it I felt urged to pray it. So I started to pray and I felt led to rebuke the spirit of depression- so yeah I let the Spirit lead me until that point and I don't know if you noticed but I stopped in the middle of the prayer for a bit. This was what was going through my mind: "I asked for permission to read the scripture but I didn't ask for permission to pray and rebuke evil spirits. And whatever else the Spirit wants me to do. Will prefall pt. 2 break out right now? I wouldn't mind but I definitely didn't ask for permission to throw out the staff's schedule for the night to follow the Spirit." So yeah I felt like I was infringing on territory that wasn't mine- I felt like I wasn't permitted by staff to do that. So instead of letting the Spirit lead me to proclaim freedom for those suffering with depression I just ended the prayer on a weak note which was really dumb. Sorry guys! :(
Anyway, now it's time for action! Let's not delay any longer! It's time to fight for each other! To undo the works of the enemy (spiritual roots of our issues) and to follow Jesus forward. The song below is a Swahili song we sing in Kenya, "Oh we shetani. We baki nyuma mi naenda na Yesu." Translated: "Get behind me satan. I am following Jesus." It's a special dedication to the devil and his evil spirits. Don't mess with us Satan! We are following Jesus haha :) Yes Jesus gave us authority to rebuke the devil and his schemes. Let's keep praying for each other for freedom and healing. God is able to deliver us from all the enemies schemes! Amen! =) (I'll talk about the weapons we fight with in upcoming posts. Don't worry, they'll be shorter and to the point)
"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10: 3-5 )
"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." (1 Corinthians 4:20)
*Closing Remarks*
1.) Nothing is wasted- Blogging: Like I mentioned before, I used to share stuff with the fellowship on the InterVarsity wall like other people would too. But the messages I had to share were long so it would fill up the whole page sometimes which I didn't like. So I got the idea to use my blog and that way I could just share the link with them and I felt like that's what God wanted me to do. Then it's funny that same day is when Melissa emailed me about it: "I dont think its the best way for you to communicate your message." So I told her what I had planned to do and she was okay with it. But then I kept using the IV wall for a while (disobeying God) - because the messages He was giving me was specifically for the fellowship: some about specific issues brought up by specific people and with specific application for the fellowship so it didn't make sense to me to address them through my blog (I was planning to use that to journal my experiences and stuff I learn). It made sense to address it on the IV wall which I continued to do until I got into trouble with staff again (the meet-up with Marissa). (Yeah I apologized for not using my blog like I said I would. post: Heart-felt confession). But now it makes sense why God told me to use my blog in the first place. He wanted the stuff He was giving me to share to be made public (among other reasons). Why?
- For His Glory: InterVarsity we are a mess (the aerial view) and yes, it's hard to face the ugly stuff that has happened but God has a way of making beautiful things out of the dust. The world says "Flaunt your strengths and hide your weaknesses." It's all about impression management. But not in God's Kingdom. In His Kingdom nothing is wasted. We are quick to boast about our strengths which is great but shouldn't we also boast about our weaknesses? Because at the end of the day it's not about us. You see, God wants to get the glory out of everything. It's all about Him. Yes we are not perfect and that's the whole point right there. All the more reason to boast about our weakness. You see Jesus is currently "pimping His ride" -He's not done yet. So He wanted me to help scrap out the tint from the windows so that the world can see what's going on inside- NOT to ashame us (yeah it may happen but that's not the point. We are not the point) but to bring fame to His Name. It's not about us! This way the world can see the full story->The Before shot: Hot Mess and The After Shot: Oaks of righteousness and come to the conclusion: "JESUS CHRIST was here! and He still is and I want me some of that extreme makeover too! Sign me up!!!" hahaha :)
2.) Reconciliation- Yes it does suck that we have the same problems in the fellowship that the world has but when we leave it in God's hands that's such a beautiful thing!!! Can you see it? You really need to have hope to make it through this desert season. You need to see with the eyes of your heart (faith). This is what I see... Remember the first time David Moore spoke at Common ground he said that the one thing that will impact the world the most is forgiveness. I agree but that's just one side of the story. What will make the most impact is reconciliation. You see there are two groups: the offended and the offenders (and yes they could be both at the same time). So the offended must always forgive (whether or not the offenders have asked for it) but that doesn't always lead to reconciliation (if the offenders don't act). So yeah the offenders must also ask for forgiveness but even that doesn't always lead to reconciliation. Why? There is something else really key to reconciliation: repentance. Yes the offenders can apologize and ask for forgiveness but they also need to stop repeating the offense in order for there to be reconciliation; they need to change. If there is no change/ no repentance, there will be no reconciliation/no mutuality/no unity. It will just be a cycle of: oppression/offense-> conflict-> talking(apologies & "make me understand")-> no application -> no change -> oppression/offense... And this is what has been going on in the fellowship. So yeah this cycle needs to stop if we truly want reconciliation and unity. So that's what "my problem" is, I am actually committed to attaining reconciliation and unity in the fellowship. I brought up the stuff from the past because we need to learn from it-> not repeat the same mistakes-> change -> apply the solutions => reconcile then move forward together. Melissa I heard your voicemail that people told you to talk to me. And yeah we can always talk but I just want to be clear that talking ≠ reconciliation. All we've done in the past is talk but we never get to the application. So if you don't want to apply the solutions, to reconcile, there is no point of talking about the problems. That's kept me discouraged and distracted from sharing stuff all year so yeah I'm not falling for that scheme anymore. #Spiritual Warfare. But yeah, if you're ready to apply the solutions and work together as a body and as friends that's cool :)
Don't worry, I'm done giving you guys what you've been asking for (and it's now clear to you that it's not what you wanted) now I wanna give what I've been trying to give (what you actually want and what I want to give) so please take my gentleness, friendship. Yes it will contain Truth that may make you uncomfortable (get you out of your comfort zone: what you've known) but remember: "Grace isn't what makes us feel good. Grace is all that makes us more like Jesus."-Ann Voskamp InterVarsity family, God has great plans for us! He is going to use us to light up the world not because of how awesome we are but because of how AWESOME He is!( Read Deuteronomy 9: 1-6) I have lots to share you guys (my style). You can start here: Just Trust. Watch the video I made for us in that post :-)
Don't worry, I'm done giving you guys what you've been asking for (and it's now clear to you that it's not what you wanted) now I wanna give what I've been trying to give (what you actually want and what I want to give) so please take my gentleness, friendship. Yes it will contain Truth that may make you uncomfortable (get you out of your comfort zone: what you've known) but remember: "Grace isn't what makes us feel good. Grace is all that makes us more like Jesus."-Ann Voskamp InterVarsity family, God has great plans for us! He is going to use us to light up the world not because of how awesome we are but because of how AWESOME He is!( Read Deuteronomy 9: 1-6) I have lots to share you guys (my style). You can start here: Just Trust. Watch the video I made for us in that post :-)
So yeah, for there to be reconciliation we all need to imitate Christ's humility (Philippians 2)- that's another reason we are "in the desert"-> to be humbled read *Deuteronomy 8:1-9*. And we need a miracle! We need to die then be revived. We need to be baptized in the Father's Love! So let's sink deep! =) Let's ask him to give us His heart. (I'm fasting. Feel free to join in. Post: Fall Fast).
♫ We don't need to swim in these streams anymore. It's time that we sink deep into the sea of The Father's Love...I feel the rope from the anchor of hope wrapped around me and I'm going down. I'm drowning in your sea of Love. I'm sinking in your grace and I'm going down. As soon as I die You give me New Life. You paid my price with Your Love. Now my eyes are seeing, my heart is beating, my lungs are breathing You in. ♫ (I was there when they were recording this video in the prayer shed. Twas fun :)
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:3-6) :-)
Thanks for tuning in world. Stay tuned coz God's gonna do something big haha! Your prayers for us would be appreciated. Glory to God! =) Love, Charlene :)
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*Attachments* lol
1. Email I sent to staff in 3/17/12
*Attachments* lol
1. Email I sent to staff in 3/17/12
Hey Marissa, Sarah, Melissa and Paul :)
Hope you are well :) So I came into this quarter with a lot of clarity about stuff and I was excited to apply it. I figured out people's main problem with me: they don't know me. My problem with them: I don't know them either or I do but I want to know them more. My problem with me: I forgot who I am and I am afraid. So the solution was simple: remember who I am, stop being afraid, be friends with people and that's pretty much what I was planning to do this quarter. But this past week it was sad to think about how I failed at my goals. What happened? I got side-tracked. The devil likes to discourage me a lot and its been working for most of my life. I was excited to start being myself again, invite people to get to know me and get to know them better. But I realized that the application part was the hard part because that would mean I would have to face and overcome the fear of rejection. Being rejected and misunderstood is what made me stop being myself in the first place and caused me to want to hide and not to be intentional with getting to know people more....
Anyway, this was meant to be a dinner invitation not my life history lol. So yeah I just wanna get to know you guys better so that I can love you better and it would be nice to be known too. That's what "my agenda" has always been and anything else that's unclear about that (mostly due to cultural barriers) is to be found out through relationship/friendship/fellowship. I see that as the solution: fellowship= friendship with all eyes on Jesus. Lately our meetings have been focused on resolving conflict but I think it would be better to prevent conflict from happening since most are due to misunderstandings, so focusing on friendships can help prevent that (meet up to get to know each other more instead of just waiting for a conflict to happen then being forced to meet up to resolve them). So I'm done with my finals on Tuesday so if you guys are free Wednesday night I'd like to invite you to come over my apartment for dinner. For Kenyan food and to share stories so that we can get to know each other better. If you're busy that's fine. We can hang out together or one-on-one sometime in Spring - I just wanna know you guys. I wanna stress that since my intentions are always put to question. But if you don't want to meet with me that's fine too, friendships cannot be forced. It may not be possible to be best friends with everyone, that would be great, but I just wanna be closer with those I call my friends.
K have a blessed weekend =)
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2. Facebook message I sent to Paul on 10/11/11
Hey Paul :) I forgot to mention this: At Pre-fall I kept using you in my examples and later I felt bad for doing that and maybe I should have used myself instead. I definitely meant well and my intention was to prepare the body to discern everything that they hear from even those in authority. So I just want to be clear that I wasn't trying to personally attack you. God has definitely and still is using your faith and fire for evangelism to inspire me and sooo many others. Thank you for letting His light shine through you :)
One thing that God has been teaching me and is constantly reminding me is that we are in a spiritual battle and so we should not take things personally, as hard as that is, because it's not about us. If we do take things personally we will not be able to fight effectively because we will be relying on our own strength and reasoning. But if we do see it as spiritual warfare we are able to see that it's God's battle and so we fight effectively through prayer and by putting on His armor and standing. Just felt like sharing that.
One last thing, I want to thank you for all the prayer, encouragement and for enduring all my long emails and tearful conversations. I'm actually tearing up right now, good thing I'm not saying this in person lol....actually that's still a problem coz I'm the SRB computer room, bathroom break! lol....K I'm back (God also set me free emotionally so I don't have to hold back the tears and the laughter anymore:)....Back to what I was saying, the past few years have been really hard for me even though it didn't seem like it to many people coz I had a good way of covering up and coping with life. But you've always been there, like a light in the darkness always ready to pray and encourage me. (Oh no! I'm getting emotional again, maybe I should have just said this in person instead of looking crazy in the computer room) THANK YOU! It really means a lot to me, everything you did. So God finally did it! He set me free!!! So rejoice with me, the fruit of your hard labor!
Just want to let you know that just because I found my voice, doesn't mean I don't want to listen to any other voices anymore (you staff). So with all our voices, lets continue to speak truth to each other in love. I know my way of speaking truth needs work: I need to convey better the fact that I'm not calling people out rather the work the enemy wants to do in them or through them.
So yeah, I really appreciate you and you have been a great blessing to my life. Thank you. GOD BLESS YOU! Read: Deuteronomy 28: 6-14. Keep on shining! :)
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Hey Paul :) I forgot to mention this: At Pre-fall I kept using you in my examples and later I felt bad for doing that and maybe I should have used myself instead. I definitely meant well and my intention was to prepare the body to discern everything that they hear from even those in authority. So I just want to be clear that I wasn't trying to personally attack you. God has definitely and still is using your faith and fire for evangelism to inspire me and sooo many others. Thank you for letting His light shine through you :)
One thing that God has been teaching me and is constantly reminding me is that we are in a spiritual battle and so we should not take things personally, as hard as that is, because it's not about us. If we do take things personally we will not be able to fight effectively because we will be relying on our own strength and reasoning. But if we do see it as spiritual warfare we are able to see that it's God's battle and so we fight effectively through prayer and by putting on His armor and standing. Just felt like sharing that.
One last thing, I want to thank you for all the prayer, encouragement and for enduring all my long emails and tearful conversations. I'm actually tearing up right now, good thing I'm not saying this in person lol....actually that's still a problem coz I'm the SRB computer room, bathroom break! lol....K I'm back (God also set me free emotionally so I don't have to hold back the tears and the laughter anymore:)....Back to what I was saying, the past few years have been really hard for me even though it didn't seem like it to many people coz I had a good way of covering up and coping with life. But you've always been there, like a light in the darkness always ready to pray and encourage me. (Oh no! I'm getting emotional again, maybe I should have just said this in person instead of looking crazy in the computer room) THANK YOU! It really means a lot to me, everything you did. So God finally did it! He set me free!!! So rejoice with me, the fruit of your hard labor!
Just want to let you know that just because I found my voice, doesn't mean I don't want to listen to any other voices anymore (you staff). So with all our voices, lets continue to speak truth to each other in love. I know my way of speaking truth needs work: I need to convey better the fact that I'm not calling people out rather the work the enemy wants to do in them or through them.
So yeah, I really appreciate you and you have been a great blessing to my life. Thank you. GOD BLESS YOU! Read: Deuteronomy 28: 6-14. Keep on shining! :)
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my dear cousin i am jazzed by how far you have come...the memories i have of you are of a young shy smiley girl......look at how uve grown up especially spiritually.....i hope u visit soon......u write a lot about ur kenyan experience i would like to know more about that....as always i am praying for you
ReplyDeleteKumbe it's you cuzo! I was wondering which Sue this was. Yeah I also hope to come visit you guys soon. I'll blog more about my Kenyan experience in upcoming posts and thanks for your prayers and encouragement! Yes, God has done a lot in me and He's not done yet. Praying for you too! :)
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