Winter Rains

"...He will come like

the winter rains..."

(Hosea 6:3)

The rains fell- Holy Spirit.

Seeds were sown- Word.

Roots grew- Faith.

Some ploughing: spirit of insecurity and inferiority dug out.

Love is NOT selfish.

"Now is the winter of our discontent. Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house" (Shakespeare's Richard iii lol)

So after winter break (you can read about my experience in my post Let Go. Let Love Flow) I was excited to apply all that I had learnt. Unfortunately, a lot of things... more like everything, didn't go as I had planned :'( But lots of lessons were learnt and things could have been way worse if it wasn't for mercy, if it wasn't for Jesus :)

Alien Girl Faces Mental Oppression

So each time I would fix my eyes on God He would remind me who I am and tell me to be myself which also meant sharing my life with others. Then it would be application time and that's where the problems came in. I would face opposition in various forms but it all boiled down to spiritual warfare. (I talk about this in the post The Present in the section entitled "Worry, the joy stealer"). It was focussing on opposition that brought in confusion, worry, discouragement and weariness. You see all of those were distractions- The devil was keeping me from being myself, sharing my life with others and acting on the desires God had put on my heart (the urgency to pray, worship and fast corporately and consistently). God reminded me that being myself, who He calls me to be meant being different, meant being a light, meant being a leader, meant being a servant, meant loving ( 1 Peter 2:9). But I couldn't be who He calls me to be, a lover/giver/leader/servant if I was not okay with being different.

"Whoever decides to soar must first fight through the flatland that hangs heavy over the swamp of sameness." (Charles Swindoll)

He did some ploughing right there and dug out some deeply rooted weeds which I hadn't dealt with. Fear of standing out and fear of rejection (because being myself/being different in the past led me to face "persecution" in the form of rejection).
I was discouraged a lot last quarter but God really fed me through His Word (I was mostly in the Book of Psalms) and He led me to songs and other stuff on the internet for encouragement and confirmation like I watched this clip. God showed that guy, Steve Foss, that at the root of every sin is the spirit of insecurity and spirit of inferiority.
This made a lot of sense. God has been teaching me a lot about vision- what you see is what changes you. So He's been reminding me to watch what I'm fixing my eyes on. My eyes are meant to be on Jesus full-time. So the devil's plan is to distract me. He wants me to focus on anything/anyone other than Jesus. But God taught me that I can't love with my eyes on anything or anyone other than Him. I can't love with my eyes on the world (leads to discouragement, confusion, worry and people-pleasing) and I can't love with my eyes on myself (self-pity and false humility). So yeah Love is not selfish (1 Corinthians 13).

Love needs Vision

The song below is how I felt for most of the winter quarter (Cool fact: The singer was in my high school in Kenya! She was the leader of the dance team in our Christian Union. Now she's all famous and shining for the Lord :) The main form of opposition (barrier to love; barrier to be) I faced was brought on by cultural differences.

*On the giving end: Through a class I was taking, God showed me how I had developed social anxiety disorder (social phobia)- it started in high school in Kenya then it intensified in America. This was brought on by cultural differences- not just cultural differences between ethnicities but mostly between kingdoms (the culture of God's Kingdom vs. the culture of the world.*1 Peter*). So yeah I had to let go of my fears and insecurities if I was going to let love flow through me. Jesus told me to love like He did "with arms wide open and a heart exposed sometimes bleeding" (also a song by Misty Edwards) -to love whether or not it hurts, whether or not I'm understood. He told me not to take rejection personally and to let Him be my defense, my everything (Matthew 5:1-12).

*On the receiving end: Love is not selfish so you can't love cross-culturally with your eyes on yourself (your own cultural lens). Love needs vision. You can't love someone if you don't see them. To be unseen is to be unloved. A topic for another day lol. Other things I learnt that I'll address later: the difference between waiting and procrastinating lol.

I ran into this song at the end of the quarter and it's prophetic (spoke perfectly into my situation and what God had been teaching me). God was growing my roots (faith. being grounded in Him alone). He was reminding me my true identity and security which can only be found in Him so that meant weeding out false identities and insecurities. He reminded me that He is my loving Father and Shepherd and all I need. He is the One who sees me (always) hence fully knows me and fully loves me =)

You can check out my facebook album for the picture summary of my quarter: Winter '12.

Hosea 10:12

"Sow righteousness for yourselves,

reap the fruit of unfailing love,

and break up your unplowed ground;

for it is time to seek the LORD,

until He comes

and showers his righteousness on you."

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Practicals:

1. Sow righteousness for yourselves- Don't wait around for someone to "feed you." Yes be in community but remember that there is no substitute for seeking God for yourself in the secret place (you and Him). Please read your Bible for yourself and ask God for wisdom. Pray: "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law." (Psalm 119:18) He makes reading the Bible fun :) Haven't done this in a while? You can start with a Psalm a day. And you can get tips/resources/discipleship from your spiritual leaders.

2. Break up your unplowed ground- Also don't wait for someone to call you out. Surrender your all to God and pray this prayer in this post: Search me. Test me. Lead me. We need to surrender our insecurities and all our burdens to God so that we can love. And let's also Fast-it really helps you tune into what God is saying better (from my experience. Post: Fall Fast)

3. Seek God- No time to seek God? LIE! lol. We have time for facebook, movies, video games, and other forms of entertainment. Also, do you have time to be discouraged, angry, confused, sad, depressed, disappointed, hopeless, complain-y? Then you definitely have time to seek God, those are the times that you should seek Him even more for His peace, strength and Wisdom :)

4. Love- To love you need vision. You need to see people where they are at. That entails displacing yourself. That entails letting them lead you into their life. Yeah just fix your eyes on Jesus and He'll teach you what love is and how to love. He will give you vision. You should check out the songs I posted here: LOVE ME :) especially the last one "Arms Wide Open" by Misty Edwards.

Let's do our part. Let's seek Him. He'll do His part. He'll come. He'll rain down His Love =)

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." (1 Thessalonians 5: 23-24) =)

*Special thanks to ivhop (IV House of Prayer). I was discouraged a lot throughout the quarter so I went there for their prayer and prophecy (words of encouragement from God) on Monday nights anytime between 7-10pm. Wanna check it out? Let me know and I'll go with you :)