"Then the LORD will create over all of Mount Zion and over those who assemble there a cloud of smoke by day and a glow of flaming fire by night; over all the glory will be a canopy. It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain." (Isaiah 4:5-6)
Story of My Life Part 1: The Bubble :-)
Introduction
So I'm finally doing the story of my life posts. I've been meaning to start since forever ago but I never got to it. ♫ Oh how the world can seem so vast on this journey to my past. ♫ #Anastasia. So in the Journey post, God assured me that I was on my way home and that I will regain glory. (So in this post I wanna explain what I meant by that) ♫ Back to who I was, on to find my future. ♫ I'm headed there but how I travel is up to me. I can walk or fly. I fly when I look to Him and find rest in Him because it is in Him that I find my identity and purpose. But when I fly, looking at things from above and expressing myself, people are like "??? Who are you?!"... So being a messenger is part of my identity. I like to share what God gives me with my family and friends. So I'll keep doing that since God told me to. He keeps telling me: "Remember who you are" and "Be yourself and share your life with people." So this journey to my past series will be my "walking" posts. It's mostly for me to help me remember who I am through recalling my past experiences but I think people will also get me better when I'm walking; they'll see where I'm coming from. Cool. Let's begin...
In the Quick Testimony post I mentioned feeling like I was "wrapped up in some kind of bubble wrap" when I was younger so this post will address that as well as the other metaphors I used. It will also expose some of the different faces of Charlene. K sorry I always overdo my introductions lol.
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The Bubble - "The Glory Days"
"He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
Main section: * c)"Finding God" in the bubble
You've heard of "quiet time" how about a quiet inner life? Give me that!
Main section: * c)"Finding God" in the bubble
a) Charlene the baby - I was a quiet baby (and a chubby one lol). In our family videos I was usually just sitting there, biting my lip like in this picture or with my tongue out, just looking around haha. Ok that's it for baby Charlene. Let's move on to the toddler. My family and I lived in Nakuru in my toddler years (a town ~2 hours away from Nairobi). I'm the 5th child in a family of 7 kids. I joined Nursery school when I was 3 years old, Lions Primary School. I remember my first day of school. My mum dropped me off at the banda where all the new kids were. All the other kids were crying and I wondered why. "So weird!"I thought lol. Everything else I remember in that time period is the experiences I shared with my big sis Yvonne (she's 2 years older than me). Like I remember I hated plain milk and they would make us drink milk and biscuits during break time. So there's a day I "hid" my cup under the chair and accidentally kicked it hence spilling the milk on the floor. My sis was my hero those days she came and mopped it up for me :) My mum used to put a handkerchief in my pocket everyday and Yvonne was laughing at me the other day when she reminded me how I always put my hand in my pocket to make sure that it wouldn't fall down lol. I even ran with my hand in my pocket haha! (Just extra cautious I guess ;) I think I did only one year of Nursery in Nakuru then my family moved to Nairobi...b) Charlene the child- Observant and talkative. Quiet and not afraid. Clumsy and forgetful. Creative and thoughtful. Happy. Dreamer. Giver. Care- free. Funny- Clown. Sheltered and secure.
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| Me and Yvonne in Nursery lol :) |
c) Finding God in the bubble
So that's the general background of little Charlene. I'll share more in other posts- my interactions with people- but now I wanna get to the main message of this post. So far, what I mean by "the bubble" is this place where I was me without being affected by what's going on around me. I was never bored when I was alone since I always entertained myself with my thoughts. And I was so pre-occupied with being me (being in my own little world) that I never really thought about what other people thought about me. So I felt sheltered from the world in that sense... I'll explain more later. |
| Me in 5th grade lol :-) |
1.-> So I started with the biggest question, "Does God even exist?"
I am one that likes to appreciate the beauty of nature: the beautiful sunsets, the cool arrangement of clouds in the sky, the twinkling stars and planets, the breathtaking landscapes from mountains to lakes and the ocean, pretty colored rocks and shells (I used to collect), different shades of colors of leaves on the trees,...etc. So when I answered that question I was like, "Yes. God, the Creator, definitely exists. Otherwise this whole earth and the entire universe would not make any sense at all without a Creator who designed it and set things into motion. There has to be a Source of life. A Source of all this beauty that captivates me. Turns out, nature's beauty is one of the designs God uses to point people to Him: "...what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." (Romans 1:19-20) {Tangent: One of God's qualities that nature reminds me of His omnipresence (He is ever-present. He is always there) and then "He has also set eternity in the hearts of men"(Eccl. 3:11) -> in this verse we find out that God has given us part of His nature, the gift of always (from the point of birth we will always exist). He gave us that gift so that we could share our lives with Him from now to eternity. But then there's a thief of always, the devil, who wants to distract us from the main purpose of our lives (relationship with God from now into eternity). Yes there's a time for everything under the sun but there's always time for always. Sorry if that's confusing, just forget the tangent and read on and you can listen to this song. }
2.-> So since God does exist then "Which God is the real deal?"
I knew that different religions had different things to say about God(s). I grew up around people with different religions (some of my friends) and we had a Christian Religious Education class which also compared and contrasted some religions. But at this point I wasn't interested in what other people had to say, I was searching for the truth and I wanted to make a decision for myself and be sure about it. So I decided to approach this question from what I already knew (what I had established for myself). I realized that the only way that I could be sure of the truth is to go to The Source. This was my reasoning:
God exists and since He is The Creator of everything He also created me. He fills the whole earth because He is bigger. He knows everything (duh! He created it all) so He even knows my thoughts and feelings and He sees everything I am doing. God is my Creator so it makes sense that He would want a relationship with me. And He is everywhere so He is always with me and knows my every thought so that means that I can actually talk to Him, through my thoughts, everywhere I go. So I started doing that. You know how you "think to yourself" in your head? Well I started "thinking to God"-I started to address my thoughts to God. Since I acknowledged that His presence is with me everywhere I go, I would also acknowledge His presence in my thoughts. -->If you are with your friend everywhere you go: to class, to your house, etc, it doesn't make sense to ignore them and not say a word to them and treat them like they don't exist even though they are right there with you. So I did the same thing with God; I would talk to Him through my thoughts about whatever: my day, something I was worried about, just whatever I was thinking about. And even though I couldn't see Him, I could sense that He was with me and that I wasn't talking to myself like a crazy person lol. The more I made myself aware of the presence of the Creator of the universe, my Creator, the more He made Himself known to me. (Just like it says in James 4:8, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.") I could sense His presence with me: His love, joy and peace around me. He would respond: Not in a loud voice from the heavenlies and bright light shining down on my face lol (as cool as that would be) but He would speak through whispers in my thoughts, His gentle guiding voice. Sometimes I would mistake His voice for my own thoughts and kinda brush it off, not paying attention to it, but when I did that I would later regret not following His voice because He was actually warning me/preparing me for something that I couldn't see coming (He knows and sees everything, we don't). So that's how I knew His voice- He would guide me and when I listened and followed His guidance good things would result :) -I'll give examples in the next section.
So as I developed a friendship with God I came to know Him as my loving and caring Heavenly Father and I understood that Jesus lived inside me since I invited Him into my heart and He guides me with His Holy Spirit (♫ Jesus my best friend. My forever friend! ♫ :) In the 6th grade I started reading the Bible for myself (before I would only read it at Sunday school where I memorized bible verses for prizes and candy each week). As I read it I could hear God's voice (the same voice that spoke to me in my thoughts) speaking to me through the Bible. When I started reading the Bible for myself I was so excited and amazed at all the goodness it contained; it became my hobby. The Bible contains lots of promises from God so I used to read it and just believe it. And God's Word begun to rock my world.
1.) Supernatural Wisdom and Favor- Before studying I would read the Bible and believe the promises God gave me. For example I would read a verse like Deuteronomy 28:13 and believe that God would help me in my exams and He did! The beginning of that year (6th grade) I was usually in the bottom 10 in performance in a class of ~40 students (I remember since our class teacher Mr. Chege would make us line up by our grades) but by the end of the year I was in the top 7 of the class and in the next grade I was in the top 3! So did I just get really smart all of a sudden? Well I don't think there are smart people and dumb people (I don't like those labels); I think we just have different strengths and weaknesses. So in my case I knew my weaknesses but I trusted God's Word, "The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness." (Romans 8:26a) I knew that God was always with me so I trusted that He would guide me even as I was studying. I have many testimonies from my past when God helped me academically. He just made studying so much easier for me. I would look at my other classmates and they would be studying harder than me but I wouldn't study as much as they did yet I did better than them. I remember one time I was wondering about that and I questioned God about a particular girl who worked harder than me yet I didn't work as hard but performed better. And it's funny coz after I questioned Him about that she ended up doing better than me lol. What I got from that was that I trusted His Word and so He was showing me favor and for me not to compare myself with others. So there's this time in high school in Kenya I had 3 exams in one day but I had only studied for 2 and I had an hour break before my Computer Science exam (the one I hadn't studied for). My friends in the class pulled an all nighter studying for that class since the teacher told us that the material from the whole book was fair game for the test. But I just had one hour to study so I prayed to God to guide me and I ended up reading this one chapter only. And it turned out that 90% of the exam was from that chapter! And I got the highest grade in my class in that test! That was God! :) (That doesn't mean that I always aced every test I took, there are some that I failed but I didn't let the failure define me. I was always optimistic. I would set new goals and believe God to help me and He would come through )So yeah, God gave me Wisdom -not just guiding me in my academics but giving me the right perspective for this life: I am weak and needy and He is powerful and more than willing to help. Though life is hard He is able to provide what we need to go through it. So yeah, I just need to trust Him :) "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Jesus :) (Matthew 11:29-30)
2.) Joy, Peace and Rest in His presence. "You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." (Psalm 16:11) Like I mentioned before, just knowing that God was always with me just filled me joy. So "the bubble" was a place where me and God would hang. Just me and Him. Even when things around me went wrong I still felt secure. Like I remember in primary school there were always rumors people would come up involving me and the teachers would be calling me up to question me about my involvement in the rumors and drama but it didn't phase me; I'd just say the truth and leave it at that. Most people would get worked up and all defensive but I reacted differently. I was at peace because I was secure; I knew that God was my defense and such situations (false accusations) even made me laugh. "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91: 1-2) And I didn't realize this but people later on people told me that I always had a smile on my face and that I was sweet -> that's not a word I would use to describe myself but I guess what people could see was the result of my relationship with God (me welcoming His presence into my life; involving Him in my everyday life; friendship). "let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:4) "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23) Speaking about self-control, it's funny how we even need God's help to control ourselves (with positive results in the present and in the long-term). I experienced such freedom when I lay my burdens down at Jesus' feet, when I gave Him control over not just my heart and soul, but also different aspects of my daily life; even what may seem like small things. I became really self-disciplined in the 6th grade when I started developing a relationship with God, when I begun to believe and trust that He wanted to be more involved in my life. For example, we always had tons of homework in primary school but I had set a bedtime for myself and I always went to bed at that time whether or not I finished my homework. And if I had unfinished work or if I needed to study, before I slept I asked God to wake me up early in the morning and He would! Even later in boarding school in high school I didn't have an alarm clock so sometimes when I needed to study I asked God to wake me up at 5am. And right at 5am He would wake me up. He woke me up with His presence, so I would start my day with joy and peace in my heart. Refreshed and ready to tackle the day :)
3. Confidence and Boldness- "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." (Psalm 32:8) Every morning I felt like I was embarking on a new adventure (me and God) and it was exciting to think about what lay ahead of me such as the people I'd interact with and the conversations we would have. I was confident even about something as uncertain as the future because I knew that God was with me so instead of being afraid of say the future, I was hopeful and excited since I saw it as an adventure with God as my father ( + provider), friend and guide. When I started reading the Bible for myself in the 6th grade and discovered how good it was I started sharing what I was learning with my friends and classmates. It was too good to keep to myself. So sometimes in between classes or when we had a free lesson I'd just stand up and go in front of the class and read a Bible verse that spoke to me. I wasn't afraid nor did I see any reason to be afraid, I was just sharing this treasure that I had found; it came naturally to me. I would look forward to conversations I'd have with people because I had ample opportunities to share this Love and Hope I had found. People would ask; they would bring it up and God was soo a part of my daily life that it would be dishonest for me not to include Him in my responses. When people looked at me they saw the fruit, they saw strength but I knew my weakness and my source of strength so I had to correct them; I had to tell them the Truth and give the glory where it was due.
4. Intimacy- This is the main point and it encompasses the rest. "Now this is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent. I have brought You glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."- Jesus ( John 17: 3-5) "God is Love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."( 1 John 4: 8b-10) "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1a)" <Nothing> will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39)
So what are those verses talking about? They are saying that God loves all of us sooo much. We were made for Love. God is Love. He created us for Himself, for His presence, His Love to dwell within us. We are incomplete without Him, without His Love. The very definition of life (life full of Life; eternal Life) is knowing God, having a relationship with Him; knowing Love, receiving His Love. But having free will we rejected God and decided to do things our own way which was actually choosing against love and life. But God still loved us and so He sent His Son Jesus to pay the price of our decision (death) so that we could live. That's why nothing can separate us from God's love for us, not even our sin because Jesus paid the price, so now all we have to do is receive His great Love for us :)
So yeah this whole life is about finding rest and security in God's great Love for us. Finding our identity as His beloved children. Like I've shared a million times before, God keeps telling me to remember who I am. I remember then I forget again because of all the things that pop up and distract me from seeing God's love for me so I keep bouncing in and out of rest. But He is all I want. His Love. His presence. His glory. So that's what I'm pursuing once more. Lord, help me rest in You. Please renew my mind with Your Truth. Open my eyes that I may behold Your great Love for me. Increase my faith in You that I may just believe You like I used to. To know You are always with me and are listening to me and are going to respond. ♫ Take me back to You. To the place I once knew as a little child resting in the bed of faith prepared for me. ♫ In Jesus' name, Amen :)
d) Fun in the Bubble: The Glory Days
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| Dad and me :-) |
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| 6th grade hahaha :-) |
3. Confidence and Boldness- "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." (Psalm 32:8) Every morning I felt like I was embarking on a new adventure (me and God) and it was exciting to think about what lay ahead of me such as the people I'd interact with and the conversations we would have. I was confident even about something as uncertain as the future because I knew that God was with me so instead of being afraid of say the future, I was hopeful and excited since I saw it as an adventure with God as my father ( + provider), friend and guide. When I started reading the Bible for myself in the 6th grade and discovered how good it was I started sharing what I was learning with my friends and classmates. It was too good to keep to myself. So sometimes in between classes or when we had a free lesson I'd just stand up and go in front of the class and read a Bible verse that spoke to me. I wasn't afraid nor did I see any reason to be afraid, I was just sharing this treasure that I had found; it came naturally to me. I would look forward to conversations I'd have with people because I had ample opportunities to share this Love and Hope I had found. People would ask; they would bring it up and God was soo a part of my daily life that it would be dishonest for me not to include Him in my responses. When people looked at me they saw the fruit, they saw strength but I knew my weakness and my source of strength so I had to correct them; I had to tell them the Truth and give the glory where it was due.So what are those verses talking about? They are saying that God loves all of us sooo much. We were made for Love. God is Love. He created us for Himself, for His presence, His Love to dwell within us. We are incomplete without Him, without His Love. The very definition of life (life full of Life; eternal Life) is knowing God, having a relationship with Him; knowing Love, receiving His Love. But having free will we rejected God and decided to do things our own way which was actually choosing against love and life. But God still loved us and so He sent His Son Jesus to pay the price of our decision (death) so that we could live. That's why nothing can separate us from God's love for us, not even our sin because Jesus paid the price, so now all we have to do is receive His great Love for us :)
So yeah this whole life is about finding rest and security in God's great Love for us. Finding our identity as His beloved children. Like I've shared a million times before, God keeps telling me to remember who I am. I remember then I forget again because of all the things that pop up and distract me from seeing God's love for me so I keep bouncing in and out of rest. But He is all I want. His Love. His presence. His glory. So that's what I'm pursuing once more. Lord, help me rest in You. Please renew my mind with Your Truth. Open my eyes that I may behold Your great Love for me. Increase my faith in You that I may just believe You like I used to. To know You are always with me and are listening to me and are going to respond. ♫ Take me back to You. To the place I once knew as a little child resting in the bed of faith prepared for me. ♫ In Jesus' name, Amen :)
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