LAST Holiday

My big sis Sheila in Kenya wrote to me on What'sApp asking how I was doing coz she had a dream about me.  I asked her about it and this is what she said: "Yvonne (another big sis) told me she was told you were in an accident and you died. So I kept thinking about it and I was very sad. I kept saying,"Yaani you are dead and the way you are young." Then I was wondering if you were right with God and if you went to heaven. And Yvonne was saying that she kept on telling you to do things as God would want you to."

 

My sister's dream was really convicting and it made me cry. It was the same conviction that was heavy on my heart after Spring quarter and after this summer session. It also reminded me of Queen Latifa's movie, LAST Holiday. You can check out the trailer above. She was living in a shell all her life, she had a "Book of possibilities" where she recorded pictures of all her dreams and desires for her life and future but she never did anything about it apart from dream until she was diagnosed with a brain tumor then she quit her job, sold her bonds and went off to live out her dreams. She told her friend, "Remember when you said life is too short to live the way I do... I quit." She quit on her old way of life: safe, not taking any risks, lonely, not satisfying. And she decided to live her life the way she always dreamed to. To her reflection in the mirror: "Next time we will laugh more, we'll love more. We just won't be so afraid." And when she did, she gave her all, had lots of fun and made many friends but she was sad that it was almost time to die but then she found out that she was actually misdiagnosed and so she had the second chance to keep the new life that she had begun.

I had watched this movie last Winter break and it was convicting and it also made me cry. This year (2013) I feel like God was setting me up to believe that it was my last time in SB so that I could give my all before I left. But what ended up happening was, when it came to relationships, I really wanted to   share my whole heart but then I wouldn't go all the way coz I'd be like, "Well what's the point. I'm about to leave soon anyway. What difference does it make." So I'd hold back then go back home and be filled with anguish and regret then God would open a door for me to come back and the cycle continued. The dream and the movie reminded me of these verses:

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

"Show me, LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is." (Psalm 39:4)

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." (Psalm 118:17) I'll finish strong! I'll finish! By His Spirit! Lord help me yield my heart wholly and continually to You! =)

It's not time to dwell on the past. Now's the time to move forward trusting in God and resting in His Grace. It's time for me to step out, to be myself. It's time for us to PREPARE THE WAY FOR THE LORD!! =)  (post: "What's your name?") Take a listen to the song below... I know it's sung by kids but God really spoke to me through it. It was everything I needed to hear at the time.

  

(Got so many posts in my drafts from the summer and before that coz I stopped sharing but I'm back to sharing :)
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After I did this post I God was reminding me how much He loves me. He is not disappointed in me. He is not angry with me. He's not disappointed because His hope is not in me. He is Hope. Jesus Christ, the Hope of glory living inside me. So just to rest in His Love. There's no shame and no condemnation in Him. (post: No Shame)

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11/30/2013 I heard that Paul Walker died and people have been posting that all over fb as well. Reminded me about this post. God has been reminding me to do things His way coz it's the only way that counts in the end. He wants me to live out my destiny, not to shrink back not to hold back, not to be discouraged and distracted by the ways of life but to fix my eyes on Him and cling to Him and His Word more and more. So yeah, Lord, help me let go and flow with Your Spirit, in Jesus name Amen :)