Wow it took me more than a week to finally write this, let's see how much I'll remember... So last week on Monday I went to catch up with my friend Jessica (we were housemates last year). She invited me over for breakfast =) As she prepared breakfast she asked me how I was doing and how InterVarsity was going. Since we hadn't seen each other for a long time I ranted for quite a bit and updated her on the stuff that was still fresh and heavy on my heart (the stuff from my last post). However, at the end of my rantings, it remained just that, fresh and heavy on my heart :(
When it reached that point of a dialogue when one person closes their mouth and the other one speaks, there was a dramatic shift in the atmosphere. When Jessica had heard enough of my rantings she started sharing how she was doing.... and her story was quite the opposite of mine. ..Flashback!...When we were housemates we were both in the same spiritual season, a dry one! So we would always share and pray for each other a lot (sometimes till 3am! LOL)... Back to the story...But as she spoke it was evident that she was no longer in that dry season. God had brought her through that and into a new season. He brought her to rest.
She told me how she had asked God what she could do to delight herself in Him and He told her just to be herself and do what she likes to do because what pleases Him is that she is His daughter. She went on and told me how she did just that. She took up a sport she liked, she started playing an instrument, she hang out more with her housemates who were international students, ....She was herself and she had fun. It was not only freeing but also rewarding. As she spoke I could hear and see joy radiating from her voice and her countenance. She also told me that through that (being herself and doing what she liked) she made friends and got many opportunities to share her faith ("in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity" - 1 Timothy 4:12). And most times it would just flowin conversations because they could see that there was something different about her. And she still had Christian community and accountability in her life. She was also doing better in school. She told me that she now feels like she's walking by the Spirit which brings so much freedom, rest and joy (among other fruit).
As she kept sharing, life and light was spewing forth and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes for various reasons. First, because what she had was what I needed- that joy and peace, that rest. Second, because I had that rest once upon a time and it brought back loads of memories. Third, because I was convicted that I was concealing my brokenness.
Anyway, back to the main story... as Jessica was simply sharing her life with me, she was actually ministering to me. I could feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart and tears welling up. I wanted to leave right then before the tears fell but I stayed put as they balanced in my eyes. It was raining. We prayed together. I prayed first as Jessica strum her guitar. The two songs we sung together hit my heart like missiles and exploded and I no longer had the power to hold back the tears. They rolled down my cheeks (well, halfway. before I quickly wiped them off lol) as the rain pattered down the streets, as Jessica strum away, and as we sung "...And I just wanna be where you are"...."I'm a lover of your presence" :'''(
I just felt God saying to me that all He wants from me is ME. He just wants to be with me. And I really want that too but I feel like I've been striving to get there. But He doesn't require me to do anything special, He just wants me as I am. He just wants me to BEa lover of His presence, "for I was made for love."
" The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:17)
Lord, help me to rest. Help me to fix my eyes on you and just be with you, just be who I am, who you created me to be. Help me surrender my broken heart to you.
Thank you Jessica!!! ♥May God keep shining His light through you. ☺
Update (2/2/12): The devil's been trying to confuse me and discourage me from sharing what God's been teaching me based on people's reactions. The devil wants me to take my focus off God and to focus on myself and trying to please the world- he's tried that before and I fell for it. But I'm not falling for that anymore. God's been reassuring me that He is speaking to me in different ways and He wants me to be myself and share my life with others. So freeing. So simple :) He set me Free to Be Me =)
So... this is my first blog post that I'm actually going to be real, that is, not leaving out my real experience while just throwing out a lesson. So I'll just share my experience and you can take from it what you wish.
Uhm yeah, I don't know where to start. To be honest, "being real" has become so foreign to me :( You see, I'm an avoider. Rather I've become one. But I've learnt that running from problems doesn't make them go away, it just makes them pile up. And they keep piling up until one day you have to stop running, face them and deal with them or they'll destabilize and fall all over you. Either way you'll be forced to face them (the latter would be a more painful way to face them though so I'd advice against it).
Gosh! There I go again, giving advice lol. Back to me...
So right now my room is a mess. My life is a mess. My relationships (with friends and family) are quite shallow. I've become so boring. Lol. For real, I don't do what I like to do anymore. It's like I don't know who I am anymore. Scratch that, it is that I don't know who I am. That's my problem, I forgot who I am. But I kept on moving forward tackling life in my sorry state and things kept piling up. And each time I would stop and look, I would see the same ugly sight, only worse: My life is a mess. I'm all over the place. My family feels like they doesn't know me. My friendships are shallower than before. My relationship with God is distant. My grades are dropping. I'm failing classes.....AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
And if you would ask me how I'm doing or how things are going, I'd give you the regular "Ok" or the ever-faithful "Fine". And I was somewhat being honest. I have grown to be "ok" and "fine" with this kind of living. I have become a pro at avoiding stuff and an expert at coping with life. But that's the thing that keeps bugging me; I don't want my response to be always "fine"! I want it to be GREAT! more often than not! I don't want to "cope with life"! I want to LIVE! I don't want this boring routine of fakeness! I want ADVENTURE! I want TO BE ME! I don't want to live this sorry shell of a life! I want to live a LIFE FULL OF LIFE!!!
So what made me stop in my tracks and face my sad state of reality? ...
Divine Intervention.
One way that I have been avoiding dealing with my issues is by caring way too much about what people think of me. I like to share what I've learnt and what I'm learning. Most of the times what I do share with people is what God is currently teaching me. For example, if I read the Bible and I get convicted about something I like to share with others so that they can also be convicted and together we can help each other apply God's Word to our lives. I don't want to benefit alone; also, I don't want to struggle alone. But this approach usually backfires in my face because what ends up happening is people end up assuming that my sharing is me trying to take on the role of teacher and judge over their lives. People assume that I have it all together and that I'm trying to judge their broken lives. Little did they know of my own brokenness. So I end up discouraging instead of encouraging them. FAIL!:( And the sad thing is that because people like to settle for their assumptions instead of asking and seeking out the truth, they don't ask about my struggles because they assume I have none, they don't encourage me since they think I don't need any encouragement. Yeah it's really sad because I feel like the caring and sharing has become one-sided and that's not how it should be. There should be equality in caring and sharing. We all have our burdens to bear and we are meant to carry each other's burdens and lay them at Jesus' feet since He is the only Healer, our only Hope. So yeah because people have this view of me, it hurts me and it makes it easier for me to leave my issues concealed.
And what bugs me the most is how my masquerading has affected my relationship with God. Yes, I know His power. He demonstrated it to me by setting me free (if you read the "Hello Africans..." post. I'll say more about that later). I know Him as the Omnipotent One. And yes He speaks to me through His Word. He is Faithful. (And long-distant communication can happen without intimacy). Yes, He has proven to be Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. But there's something missing,.... I lack the intimacy that I once had with Him. I forgot His Love. I don't know Him as My Father anymore :'( And this is the root of all my problems. The root of my identity crisis/life crisis. You see, to forget His Love is to forget Him since God is Love. MAJOR FAIL!!! :'((
I've been coping with life. Moving forward without dealing with my issues. Still calling myself a christian and going to christian events and even being on leadership. Keeping myself busy. But the moment I stop I am forced to face reality. Every time after church or Common Ground, after Bible study, after "fellowshipping"/socializing with Christians, I ache.My heart aches since it suffers from a lack of intimacy (closeness). A lack of intimacy with the One I read about, sometimes talk to, sometimes hear from; the One is the source of life full of life; the One who was once my everything and my one true Love, Jesus. And a lack of intimacy from those I call my friends and family. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that there's not a day that I've been happy lol. I'm not talking about a lack of happiness, I'm talking about a lack of joy (deeper and lasts longer). I am thankful for what I do have: my family, friends, school. But I thirst for more. My thirst is a "soul thirst" a thirst for more, deeper, better, relationships and not being satisfied with surface-level stuff. I am thankful for how God has worked in the past, in the present and now I'm thirsty for more.)
And this became the norm. Complacency became my friend.
But at the end of last school year (Spring), at the end of another battle, I had it. I was tired of this game I was playing. Tired of appearing like super-woman yet crumbling on the inside and in all other areas of my life (e.g. academically and relationally). So I felt the need to take a step back and re-evaluate my life. I felt the need to leave leadership in my fellowship. It was a hard decision to make but I knew that was what needed to happen, and God gave me peace about it. But I was offered a position that made me change my mind. I took it because it would put me in a position to influence other leaders, and that's what I wanted to be in a position to "pour into other leaders," to make an impact. So I went on with life as I've played it. For some reason all through the quarter I was not at peace with that position. At the end, I reaped the fruits of the "normal" life I created, failure. I performed poorly academically and I was tired from doing things in my own strength or lack of it.
So yeah, this quarter, I've given up doing things my way. I've stopped running, I want to face my issues so I've gone to the root. I want God. To be close to Him. I don't just want His perspective and His heart,I want to hear His voice. Yes He always speaks but I want Him to speak up. I want His Love. I want to find my security in Him. To find my identity in Him. Not in being a leader. (I had let my desire to make an impact {to do} override my desire to find intimacy with Him {to be} and complacency {fear of change + inaction} was actually my enemy.)
Every time I did try to seek God, my hurts would always come up, everything that I've been suppressing. And each time I would go to prayer and prophecy night at the prayer shed they would tell me the same thing, "I need to know God as my father," "I need to rest in Him" and each time I would seek Him out in His Word, He would say the same thing. "I need to wait on Him. I need to rest. I need to put my Hope in Him." So Thursday night I was like, ok fine! I will "wait for Him" whatever that means. So yeah I just sat there with music playing "waiting for Him" to speak up or something. A few hours later I fell asleep and I woke up disappointed. I didn't have class on Friday so I was like ok God, I'm not letting you off the hook just like that, speak to me! I was listening to music playing live from the ihop prayer room at: http://www.ihop.org/prayerroom/ and each song was about God's love or having Him as a Father. Then I was like, "Ok. I get it. I know my problem. I don't know Your Love and I don't know You as my Father. I already know that. The question is: how do I get this love? what am I supposed to do to know, like really know that You are my Father?"
I was still waiting for an answer but I was watching the clock since I wanted to go for InterVarsity's Common Ground at 7pm. It was getting closer and closer and still no response. I was like "Come on! tell me quick!....Hmm, if He doesn't tell me anything am I still going to go?"...."I want to go. To see people. But then again I don't want to play this game anymore. I want to hear from Him. I don't want to keep doing things my way, what makes sense to me." So I decided that I wasn't going to go until He responded. So 7pm reached and passed and I was still in my room. Then I got panicky again. "What will people think if they don't see me at Common Ground?" "What will I say when they ask me why I wasn't there?" Then I was thinking of all the lies I could say, "Oh I fell asleep..." but I knew I wasn't meant to lie (duh!). But how would they take the truth? "Oh I wanted to see you guys but I didn't feel like going and God didn't tell me to." They'd think I'm crazy or that I think I'm too good for them. "And it's Friday night, I should be doing something fun in community."
Meanwhile, no response from God....Funny thing is, His silence spoke volumes. I was forced to face reality, I was insecure and I used community to ran away from facing that. Also I was finding my security in community and it became an obligation to go to Common Ground. I realized how I was antsy about just being alone with God, I was not secure in Him. So yeah that's what God wanted to show me through His silent treatment. I calmed down and realized that once I am secure in who I am in God I will not feel obliged to be with community (finding my security in them) rather I would be okay with the times I'm alone with God and I would be in community because I want to (out of desire not obligation) and that would not just be restricted to the official meeting times and events but any time. (Kinda like Acts 2 and how "Fellowship flows from being")
So yeah once I calmed down I asked God the same question, "How do I know Your love? How do I know You as my Father?"
Some Scripture came to mind:
"SEE how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are..." (1 John 3:1)
Then I was like, "Cool. But I don't see how that is supposed to help me."
Then another Scripture came to mind:
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)
Me: Wow thanks! Now I now that there's something wrong with my mind, that is why I can't SEE what He's trying to show me and it needs to be renewed. But what is it that I can't see? And how do I renew my mind?"
Scripture: uhum "SEE how great a love the Father has bestowed on us..."
Me: Hmmh... frustrated!....facebook break!.......{turn off music. shut bible. log in to facebook}....
While browsing through the Home page on facebook, I SEE...IHOP's status:
"God's perfect leadership ushers us out of slavery and into sonship, from the compulsion of trying to earn love to freely receiving His love." (Sarah Sun Kim)
This quote made me realize what was wrong. My whole approach was wrong. I realized that in a way I was trying to earn God's love. I was asking "What do I need to do to receive it?"And the answer was nothing! He has bestowed it on us -> freely given it to us.Yes, He told me to wait on Him but that doesn't mean that waiting on Him is what you do to receive His love. Yes He tells us to fast (I've been on a disorganized fast of late) but it is not fasting that makes us receive His love. I like what Misty Edwards said about fasting she said it's more for us to have an increased capacity to understand God more.
And then I remembered the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15), he saw where the choices he had made led him to a life that sucked (like really sucked! The guy was eating pig's food!) and then it says "he came to his senses"-> He remembered his Father's wealth. He remembered His Father.He remembered.It was then that He decided to go back to His Father. And here is what happened next: “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ "
Hmmh...how does that apply to me?....And then this scene from Lion King also came to mind:
Then things clicked. I heard God speaking to me through the story of the prodigal son and from what Mufasa and Rafiki told Simba.
He gave me the answer to the questions I've been asking -> He has freely given me His love and all I have to do is SEE. But my mind has been conformed to the patterns of this world so that affects my ability to SEE. So I need to renew my mind. I need to "come back to my senses." And how do I do that? I need to REMEMBER! Because things were not always like this (you know, eating pig food and all), there was a time I was basking in His Love (eating at His table). So yeah, remembering will help me renew my mind. But I don't like to remember most times because I like to avoid things that have hurt me. That's my problem. I'm keeping myself from receiving His love. Jeremiah 29:12 says:"...You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you." So I realized that I haven't been seeking Him=His Love with all my heart since part of my heart is preoccupied with hurts. That is why when I seek Him, a spotlight is shed on my hurts because He wants to heal them. He wants me to give Him all my heart, all my hurt. If I try to keep my hurt for myself I'm preventing myself from receiving His love and healing. He wants to freely give me stuff, I just have to do my part, freely receive=> give Him the stuff already in my hands first then I'll be able to receive what He has for me =)
Oh wow, what an introduction!So yeah that's what this Remember series is about. I'll be recalling stuff from my past and blogging about it. I choose to journal about it since writing is therapeutic for me and I choose to blog about it because it's the only way I can get myself to journal consistently since I'm not just doing it for myself, other people may also benefit from it. So yeah, I'm on a quest to remember, feel free to join in on the adventure!
{Sometimes I feel like just quitting my part (sharing and encouraging) because it hurts when it's not reciprocated or appreciated but Jesus reminded me that while I was still a sinner He loved me so much that He died for me and so I should fix my eyes on Him because it's not about me; it's all about Him and His Kingdom and I should find my satisfaction in Him because no matter how I feel He loves me and cares for me. So yeah even though people don't ask about my struggles because they assume I have none, I'm done with letting their assumptions keep me from being myself and so they might not ask but I will share :)}
Lord, I know you are leading me to rest.
Help me to trust you and follow you.
Help me to "rend my heart" =>
Help me to open my heart to you
so that you can pour your love in.
Help me to seek you with all my heart
not just parts of it,
not just the presentable parts,
but also with all my broken pieces.
I love you. Take all of me.
In Jesus name, Amen.
"Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."
(Hosea 6:3)
*HOPE*
There is HOPE! So I can "REJOICE in the Lord always!"
even as I pray and seek =D
The End (well, the end of the introduction lol) =)
This is such a simple prayer but when said from the heart, it can mess with your life as you know it. (Keeps messing with me each time I pray it).
Search Me, Test Me
In the preceding verses of this Chapter, David acknowledges that God is our Maker hence He knows everything about us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. So this part of the prayer is asking God to reveal to us what He already knows. Asking Him, the One who sees our inmost being, asking Him to open our eyes to see ourselves as He sees us hence to convict us of the underlying desires of our hearts and the content of our thoughts. Such a perspective of yourself can mess you up since it's kinda asking God to air out all our dirty laundry before your eyes. It's embarrasing even when no other parties are involved (no outside observers, just you and God).
See if there is any offensive way in me
Once again, God sees everything so this is asking Him to give you His vision.
Other translations say: Point out anything in me that offends you (or "any grievous way"). This part of the prayer is really eye-opening to me because most times I just try not to offend other people and this verse just convicted me of how I don't usually think, "If I do or don't this will it offend you God?" For the longest time my eyes have been fixed on the world trying to please it, trying not to offend it, to maintain "peace" and this prayer fixes my eyes back to my Maker, the One who fully knows me yet still loves me, that my focus may be pleasing Him and not grieving Him, that He may align my heart's desires and thoughts with His. For He is the giver of true peace.
And lead me in the way everlasting
Like I mentioned before, asking God to give us His perspective can be wrecking because the ugliness in our hearts is exposed to us. This is between you and God but the accuser likes to roam around and do his thing. The devil loves to use such painful truth against us. He wants to bring in shame. It is shame that keeps us from approaching God's mercy seat with confidence that God knows our ugliness yet He still loves us and He extends His grace to us. So it's important to keep the right perspective, God is exposing the sin (or brokenness) hidden in me not to condemn me but so that I can ran to Him, surrender it all to Him and find rest in His arms of Love.
Each time I pray this prayer God shows me a lie that He wants to kill, a hurt that He wants to heal or an emptiness that He wants to fill.
So my challenge for us is to keep praying this prayer.
God is leading us to rest. So let's keep praying for Him to rid us of anything in us that is not of Him. That we may find our identity in nothing else but in Him. So let us face the fire of refining and the winds of refreshing. Lord have Your Way! All this for Your glory and for our good! God, You are so Awesome! =)
All we want is You. Take Over! Till we are consumed by nothing else but You! :)
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion
—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,the oil of joy instead of mourning,and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor =)
(Isaiah 61:1-3)
Amen! Amen! Amen! Go Jesus! Go Jesus! Go! Shine Your light in us and through us =)
HOPE. Not just for the future but for now. Lord please help us realize that we can tap into your freedom now. Help us realize that we can claim it because it's for here and now. Help us to open the door for you to come in and set us free. Come in and heal. Come and comfort. Come and repair and restore. Come in and rule. LORD! as your title says it all come in and REIGN in me. LORD OF LORDS! reign over every area of my life. Take it ALL. Help me to let go of everything. Everything! even my hurt, fears, insecurities and all my weaknesses. Thank you Jesus! because you won't relent until you have it ALL. Help me cooperate with you and your restoration plan for my life. It doesn't have to take all year. I know you're just waiting for me to do my part, which is, surrender, because you are MORE than willing to do yours, which is, everything else.Thanks Jesus. You're so all-powerful! lol :-)
Dear Potter, here I am. I give up. Take me and mold me. That I may conform to your likeness. Help me surrender to your Power. Your Power to change and to sustain. Power to do the impossible! In Your name (JESUS!), Amen. =)
HAHAH! :D And thanks for renewing my mind right now and changing my perspective and filling me with hope. The devil is a LIAR! Jesus you are here. You've never left my side.
Father, do your will, lead me to rest. Help me forsake all and follow you. I love you!
Thanks for loving me even in my craziness :-)
______________________________________________________________________
Update (3/27/13): So during the course of the year God gave me prophesies for "2012" - The year of the Lord's favor. And He later told me it referred to the Hebrew year that started in September and overlaps into 2013.
♫ I see a generation rising up to take its place with self-less faith ♫
*Moses told Joshua:
"The LORD himselfgoes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut. 31:8)
And the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so that they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses." (Joshua 3:7)
"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them." (Joshua 1:5-6)
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7)
"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."(1 Timothy 4:12)
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power." (Ephesians 6:10)
*Let us rise up and take our place -> In His arms of love, rest & victory!
So how do we rise up and take our place? We do this by humbling ourselves before Him. Knowing He has Power over everything. Laying our burdens and our crowns down at His feet. Surrendering to His will. Knowing who He is, Our Father, and who we are, His beloved children. To know His great love, mercy and grace is to know our place. So let us rise up and take it! =)
Keep letting His light shine through you this year by resting in the Power of His Love. ♥ ♥ ♥
Update: 4/2/2013 - Yesterday I remembered this post and I was going to re-post it. God was encouraging me that He is with me and even when I fail and fail He is still with me and the best is yet to come so just to keep trusting Him and moving forward by faith. Also I'm really excited for the time that's coming ....just around the bend!!!
Last Fall I heard the song "Break Every Chain" by Tasha Cobbs and we sung it in Gospel Choir this past Winter. And that's what I see coming: ♫ There's an army rising up to break every chain! To break every chain! Break every chain! ♫ I was walking on Manzanita beach during dead week and I just started singing it. Here's the video with some Scripture of what I see happening and coming :-)
And then I got more confirmation last night!! So exciting!! Praise God!!! :D
♫I see a near revival. Stirring as we pray and seek. We're on our knees! We're on our knees! ♫
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! :D God is continuing to confirm that we are in a season of awakening, a season of revival. He wants to wake us up to the reality of who He is, our God, our all-powerful and loving father, and the reality of who we are in Him, His beloved children. It's so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D
(Ephesians 5:14)
This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
I've had glimpses of this revival and I have so much to share! Look out for lots of stories coming your way! :) Listen to this:
I'm soo pumped!!!! This is not boring, stagnant man-made religion! Its a life-changing, vibrant, lively relationship with the maker of the universe!!! As in a REAL relationship! (that's what it is and what it should be). It is this relationship with the Creator that changes our heart, perspective and how we do life. It sets us free to be. Mind-boggling isn't it! :D
(Psalm 57: 8)
"Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn."
♫ One man wakes, awakens another
Second one wakes his next door brother
Three awake can rouse a town
And turn the whole place upside down
Many awake will cause such a fuss
It finally awakes all of us
One man wakes with dawn in his eyes
Surely then it multiplies
Surely then it multiplies ♫
(Oct. 25, 2011)
Christians, this is our wake-up call. A call to prayer.
Revival starts with us. Let's make this song our prayer:
So a couple of weeks ago I randomly decided to take a stroll around my apartment (Santa Ynez) with my camera. I walked around aimlessly and took pictures of any pretty thing that caught my eye. I then came to this spot and stopped. I was excited at what I saw and took many pictures (see below). I think that random walk was Spirit-led because when I stopped there this verse came into my head:
Matthew 9:37-38
"Then he (Jesus) said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”
Then I kept walking towards FT while taking pictures.
Then on my walk back the pictures below reminded me of Paul's vision. He had a vision that one day he was walking on campus then he got to share the gospel with this one guy who then got saved on the spot. He was so excited and on fire that he went back to his dorm and told his friends what happened to him. Then people on his floor got saved and salvation spread like a wildfire in FT. Funny thing, this week is outreach week and Paul's going to be on campus talking to people every day for an hour. And I think his vision is going to unfold! I don't see why not! Well timing doesn't matter, it's gonna happen in God's time :) This vision goes with the song that I posted above ("The Great Awakening" by Leeland) and the pictures below.
So let's pray! Pray for FT for chains to be broken and eyes to be open. Pray for yourself and the rest of the workers who'll be sharing the gospel on campus and with their friends. Let's lift up our eyes to God for Him to prepare our hearts so that we may be intimate with Him and feel His heart beat for this city. That our hearts may break for what His breaks for and for us to be His hands and feet. Revival starts with us, His people ( *2 Chronicles 7:14). Great tips to keep in mind when sharing the gospel: 1 Peter 3:15-16.
~~~The Lost Sheep~~~
Matthew 9: 35- 36
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
I learnt a lot from my time away from Common Ground this quarter. The first time that I just stayed at my apartment instead of going to Common Ground (you can read why in the "Remember" post) I noticed something. I noticed my roommate. I noticed how she was usually home by herself when the rest of the house went about InterVarsity events. Yes she knew where we were going and we would invite her sometimes and she would decline. Why? I now know why.
So after I didn't go to Common Ground the next few weeks (for different reasons) I got to experience what it feels to be a "lost sheep." I would get "I miss you!" or "I hope to see you soon" from a few people or "So you're doing you're own thing now" from others. Being the lost sheep and on the receiving end of these seemingly harmless comments, I received them differently. This is how the lost sheep receive our "thoughtful comments" :
Us:"I haven't seen you at Common Ground! I miss you! Hope to see you! "
Lost Sheep: Really? Then do something about it! I'm not quarantined in some island. You can actually come see me if you want to. There's nothing stopping you...oh wait... I guess there is.
Lesson: We usually tell the lost sheep stuff like "I miss you" and then the solution we have in mind is: "I miss you so come to Common ground so that I can stop missing you. Come to me." That's where our approach is messed up. We are confining our fellowship & outreach within a structure. I'm not against inviting people to come with us, to "come and see" but there's another aspect we may be neglecting when dealing with lost sheep which is displacing ourselves.
I learnt about that through my Underserved Medicine class this quarter.
Street Medicine 101: "You can force the patient to fit into a rigid model (patient has to go to hospital to receive care) or you can change the system to accommodate them (you go to them). Street Medicine acknowledges that there are many barriers to access healthcare ( such as poverty, war, geography and trust issues- some people don't trust government organizations). So Street Medicine acts as a bridge across these barriers in that the care-givers meet people in their own reality. They meet people where they are at.
-> When they said this in class I felt like raising my hand and asking "Uhm are you sure you're not a Christian org? And do you know Jesus? coz that's pretty much what He came to do on earth. That's the gospel right there." Lol.
So yeah my experience as a lost sheep really convicted me how many of us haven't been displacing ourselves much-from what I've heard. Well I can speak for myself. I've realized how I've lost contact with most of my non- Christian friends. Yeah I did a GIG with some and some of them checked out InterVarsity for a while then stopped coming and that was that. But being a lost sheep I realized how they must have felt. They felt like I didn't really care about them as people and was just treating them as a "Come to Common Ground" project but I won't come to you. This is easy to do when evangelizing but what we don't realize is that sharing the gospel is not just through speech, it is "in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity" (1 Timothy 4:12). Yes the Word of God is really powerful by itself but let us not limit our sharing of the gospel just to speech. In friendships this can be distrastrous in my point of view ( just trying to get them to come to us while not displacing ourselves to maintain the friendship) because I've seen that I've lost friends and therefore they have lost the chance to see the gospel shared through my life as well as my love. I was led to read Ezekiel 34, you should read it too. God's is pretty serious about His lost sheep. So let's take warning and heed his call to feed His sheep. "do you love me?...feed my sheep"- Jesus to Peter (John 21: 15). You may be like "Hey! I'm not a shepherd, that's not my spiritual gift (pastor) so those scripture don't apply to me." Well with the revival God is preparing all of us to lead people (be shepherds) so yeah it does apply to you. There are people in your life that look at you and see that you have something they are missing and God is going to use you to reach out to them :)
This is a call to open your eyes. The structure we have is good but let's not be confined by it. Yes let's have community but let us also displace ourselves to reach out to the lost sheep. This is a call to walk by the Spirit not to strive to do anything out of our own strength. As Christians we tend to complicate things when all God wants us to do is "Just Be"-> read more about that in my post. K, blessings and my love :) Let's pray and walk by the Spirit :)
Here are the pictures if you wanna see them in full size:http://www.flickr.com/photos/33138584@N08/sets/72157629522451217/with/6957548157/ "Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it." =) (1Thessalonians 5:19-24)
