Labels / Masks

This was part of a message I sent to a friend a couple of years ago but I had saved it in my notes and I ran into it the other day and felt like posting it here.

You had asked me about labels that people have given me and I answered being quiet and shy and you asked if there was any other label or if those were the two main ones and I said those were the main ones but just after I said that another one came into mind, the label that I am not caring; and that one hurts the most.

 I realized that the labels “quiet” and “shy” didn’t affect me that much since they are in some sense true; I am quieter than most people around me and I am reserved and shy about some things but what I don’t like about them is the interpretations of those observational labels. Just because I am quiet doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything to say, anything of worth and just because I appear shy doesn’t mean that I am. 

The label that I am not caring hurts me the most because I realized that it is true. It is not true that I don’t care about people but it is true that I do care but I have let stuff prevent me from showing that I care and so if you don’t show that you care about people then they obviously think that you don’t. If I don’t show it then people won’t know it. And then I realized that that was my main problem with all the labels that the world gives me: People think that I am something different from what I am because I don’t show who I really am.  Labels will be forever out there, we can keep fighting them but they will keep coming so what are we to do?...Keep fighting them! How? First by recognizing the aim of the label: to discourage you from believing in the one label that defines who we are: Children of God. Then by showing who you really are, who God made you to be. Thats how we fight, by standing firm in our one true identity in Christ. 

From my own experience, the label war has always been on but at one point I stopped fighting and slowly but surely, without realizing what was going on I started living out the false labels that were thrown at me. And I thought that I was still the same (as when I was firmly rooted in my identity in Christ) but I didn’t realize that by not showing my true self, my true label, I was actually changing and conforming to the labels that were given to me. Why should I stay quiet when I do have something of worth to say and the opportunity to say it? Why should I stay seated when I have the chance to stand up and do something that God has enabled me to do?

Here are some relevant quotes I found online:

"Often the wounding goes so deep that we create masks and walls to hide behind as protection against further pain while we struggle with overcoming insecurity. So we become the persona that we are prepared to show, and hide the real self away.

We then either create a projected image that is defensive and cutting, or fall into the trap of self pity, projecting a poor self image which displays little confidence." (Read more at: Journey to Authenticity)

This is how I see it: When we were young kids we had an innocent perspective of life. We had no biases, we dreamt wildly, we were simple, we knew we couldn't do it on our own, we depended totally, almost everything was possible until we were taught to be "realistic."

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. Jim Morrison

Those quotes are true for myself. I got hurt by people close to me or those that I looked up to and so I created walls to prevent me from hurting. But then, "The walls we build through fear to protect ourselves become the very prisons that enslave us." ~Steve Foss. "...But perfect love drives out fear..." (1 John 4:18) So then I knew what I had to do: Just let go and let love flow. But that was the hard part. It was easier just to hide and run. But then it became a cycle and I wanted out. Through my experiences in college God has been forcing me to face my issues. I kept fighting which just made the process longer and more painful. When I started letting go, I gave Him room to renew my mind. And now I can finally see all the obstacles that were in my way (and they were so many! That's what you get when you to please the world, when you take on the labels the world gives you to try and fit in). And now I feel free! I got distracted the beginning of this quarter but God reminded me why I came back for this quarter. Not for school but for love. For relationships. Yeah the quarter is almost over but I'm still going to apply this while I'm here (yeah I had started to but I want to be more vulnerable and intentional) and just because my time in SB is coming to an end doesn't mean that relationships should end. They can be maintained. Now that I can see everything that was keeping me from pursuing all that I really want, deep relationships, and now that I surrendered that to God, I feel freed, healed and renewed. Praise God for His love, faithfulness and power! =) I'm Free to love and free to be! =)

Check out these songs. God reminded me who I am in Him and how He sees me and how He loves me. And that His Love is all I need =)

♫ All my life I have been called unworthy. Named by the voice of my shame and regret. But when I hear you whisper "child lift up your head" I remember oh God you're not done with me yet. I am redeemed, you set me free ♫ =)

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 Check out this really cool testimony :-)